The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA)

[TainanCowboy]

[color=#FF0000] :discodance: Its a bright new day in the USA ! :discodance: [/color]

The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA)

Washington, DC - President-Elect Barack Obama and the Democratically controlled Congress are considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act. AWNAA is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

‘Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,’ said California Senator Barbara Boxer. ‘We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.’

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S employer of Persons of Inability.

Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement ‘warehouse’ stores (65%). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).

Under The Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million ‘middle man’ positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, ‘Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?’

‘As a Non-abled Person, I can’t be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,’ said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due to her inability to remember ‘rightey tightey, lefty loosey.’ ‘This new law should be real good for people like me,’ Gertz added. With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Senator Dick Durbin (D-IL): 'As a Senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so.

(Satirical Congressional Bill…don’t get yer hopes up )

[Big_Fluffy_Matthew]

Isn’t this from the Clinton era?

[Dragonbones]

Well, we’ve just finished having one as president, so it’s only fair that some benefits should now trickle down to the rest of us idiots.

[KingZog]

The problem with this satire is that the non abled people know they are non abled. As this paper points out people with below average abilities also have below average ability to rate their own ability. I.e. they don’t know they are incompetent.

Unskilled and Unaware of It: How Difficulties in Recognizing One’s Own Incompetence Lead to Inflated Self-Assessments

In essence, we argue that the skills that engender competence in a particular domain are often the very same skills necessary to evaluate competence in that domain—one’s own or anyone else’s. Because of this, incompetent individuals lack what cognitive psychologists variously term metacognition (Everson & Tobias, 1998), metamemory (Klin, Guizman, & Levine, 1997), metacomprehension (Maki, Jonas, & Kallod, 1994), or self-monitoring skills (Chi, Glaser, & Rees, 1982). These terms refer to the ability to know how well one is performing, when one is likely to be accurate in judgment, and when one is likely to be in error. For example, consider the ability to write grammatical English. The skills that enable one to construct a grammatical sentence are the same skills necessary to recognize a grammatical sentence, and thus are the same skills necessary to determine if a grammatical mistake has been made. In short, the same knowledge that underlies the ability to produce correct judgment is also the knowledge that underlies the ability to recognize correct judgment. To lack the former is to be deficient in the latter.

It’s full of bitter, misanthropic but very funny asides like this

A few words are in order about what we mean by incompetent. First, throughout this article, we think of incompetence as a matter of degree and not one of absolutes. There is no categorical bright line that separates “competent” individuals from “incompetent” ones. Thus, when we speak of “incompetent” individuals we mean people who are less competent than their peers. Second, we have focused our analysis on the incompetence individuals display in specific domains. We make no claim that they would be incompetent in any other domains, although many a colleague has pulled us aside to tell us a tale of a person they know who is “domaingeneral” incompetent. Those people may exist, but they are not the focus of this research.

and this footnote to the reference to the “truism that beauty is in the eye of the beholder”

Actually, some theorists argue that there are universal standards of beauty (see, e.g., Thomhill & Gangestad, 1993), suggesting that this truism may not be, well, true.

Statistically there must be areas where you rate yourself as being of above average ability but actually you are far below.

[urodacus]

So TC, where do you see yourself in relation to this bill? better off or worse off? would this make you go back to the US then? or is the prospect of a new Pres still just a bit frightening?

[TainanCowboy]

@urodacus

So TC, where do you see yourself in relation to this bill? better off or worse off? would this make you go back to the US then? or is the prospect of a new Pres still just a bit frightening?

Uro -
So much for that ‘respond to the post and not the poster’ crap eh?

“All pigs are equal. Its just that some pigs are more equal than others” to paraphrase a quote from down on the farm.

[jimipresley]

Haha! Only 50%??? I thought this was satire.

[anon38216271]

Dude, didn’t welfare deal with this problem?

[Sleepyhead]

[quote=“TainanCowboy”][color=#FF0000] :discodance: Its a bright new day in the USA ! :discodance: [/color]

The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA)

Washington, DC - President-Elect Barack Obama and the Democratically controlled Congress are considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act. AWNAA is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

[…]

(Satirical Congressional Bill…don’t get yer hopes up )[/quote]

So is this just racism in reference to mythical “welfare queens”, or is it a reference to the general decline in the US educational system?

George Putz had a similar program. He gave such people jobs in FEMA (e.g. Michael Brown) and the Justice Department (e.g. Monica Quisling and 149 other “Liberty” university “graduates”).