My apologies if this topic has been addressed before.
I am planning to move the family back home (California) sometime next year. It was a big decision and pulling up stakes is becoming quite a job.
I have tried to plan out my steps as clearly and carefully as I can but I know that there are/will be things I miss.
Does anyone have any experiences about moving back home after so long here? I am a bit concerned about how the Mrs. and the kids will adapt
Thanks.
Make a list of what you need to do and try to follow that list very methodically over the months. It’s good to be organized as there are so many details to worry about.
Things like health insurance are important.
Get that sorted before you return.
It’s expensive, but you basically have no choice in the US.
You can go with family plans.
Shipping isn’t cheap to the US either if you’re on your own. Find something to do with your belongings here lest you return.
It’s nice to do ‘housecleaning’ and leaving is one of the best ways to sort out all that extra crap you really don’t need.
I would bet that your kids will adapt just fine if they’re still pretty young, but your wife may have more trouble, AND YOU TOO! :s
I’ll out myself now. I’m leaving end of May. This is the second time I’ve ‘left’ in 12 years. The first time was with ex-husband. Neither he nor I adjusted well to life in the US then, and came back here after two years.
This time I’m doing it alone (with my cats!). I have lots of projects to do at the moment and need to remove myself from Taiwan in order to finish them all up. Too distracted here. Too money hungry… 
I will return sporadically as I have gigs here, but I am hoping rather to make myself tri-continental in the next year or so. I’m lucky I’ve had the opportunity in Taiwan to develop the kind of skills that should enable me achieve this goal. So, I look at it as going forward, NOT going back.
DB, Think of it as another phase in your life and don’t worry about the kids. Your wife will be the one who’ll suffer most, so she should start making connections with a support network ASAP. California is pretty chock-a-block with Taiwanese, so that shouldn’t be hard.
PM me if you want any more info about going FORWARD.
All the best to you!
The big question is how did you talk her into it? Give us some pointers.
Be a good kisser! 
Be a good kisser! [/quote]
There’s always a catch.
My wife never questioned the fact that we’ll move to the states, as she knows there’s no way I’ll stay here for life. But the clincher was the birth of our child, as my wife admits that California’s a lot better place to raise a child than Taipei. So it’s just a matter of how many years must we stay here and save up for that expensive house back home and allow our girl to learn Mandarin and become familiar with Taiwan culture before uprooting. It now looks like we return when the daughter’s about 2 to 3.
Be a good kisser! [/quote]
For me, its always by “being a good fister” 
The kids are the main reason why we have decided to move back. Many factors were involved in the decision, but the main one is a lack of "space"for the boys. Lack of space to play, lack of space in housing here to be by one’s self, lack of a quiet space, lack of a space to explore one’s own interests.
Besides space, “time” was another major factor. Eddie and Aaron don’t have enough of it it seems. My wife and I work nights and it isn’t fair for them to be shuffled around from school to grandparents to school. I am a bit ashamed of this. But as a teacher, working nights is a sad fact of life. How the heck did I end up not doing the best I can to raise my kids in a healthy and happy environment? 
Sure, making money here is all good, but at what cost? I have become jaded to money, and therefore it has lost its’ importance in terms of it making my life better. I’m not staying in Taiwan just for something that no longer holds much value to me…at this point in time. I’m sure that when I move back and I experience first hand how much it costs to live in the States, that feeling of money being important will come back to me. 
Not enough “space” and not enough quality “time” are the two main reason why I am doing this. It is kinda of scary to give up what is secure for a greater unknown, but then again I did it a long time ago when I left the farm and went to China. Things will work out, they always do. 
[quote=“Durins Bane”]
It is kinda of scary to give up what is secure for a greater unknown, but then again I did it a long time ago when I left the farm and went to China. Things will work out, they always do. [/quote]
That’s the ticket, DB. Things will go as they are meant to. I think your family will be just fine. You are moving to a beautiful area. Life in the US is expensive compared to life in Taiwan, but I’m sure you’ll find ways to minimize costs and make your money go further. I lived in San Diego eight years ago with my then-wife and children when I was making something like 60 grand a year, and we managed just fine. Had a decent car and a nice home (and cut a lot of coupons).
One thing I would do to help a Taiwanese wife acclimate to life in the U.S. is to take the lead in building friendships with people outside the immediate family, and help her get involved in doing things she’s interested in outside the home. A lot depends on her attitude. I think you know she’s got the right attitude, or you wouldn’t consider moving the family, right?
[quote=“Alien”]Make a list of what you need to do and try to follow that list very methodically over the months. It’s good to be organized as there are so many details to worry about.
Things like health insurance are important.
Get that sorted before you return.
It’s expensive, but you basically have no choice in the US.
You can go with family plans.
Shipping isn’t cheap to the US either if you’re on your own. Find something to do with your belongings here lest you return.
It’s nice to do ‘housecleaning’ and leaving is one of the best ways to sort out all that extra crap you really don’t need.
I would bet that your kids will adapt just fine if they’re still pretty young, but your wife may have more trouble, AND YOU TOO! :s
I’ll out myself now. I’m leaving end of May. This is the second time I’ve ‘left’ in 12 years. The first time was with ex-husband. Neither he nor I adjusted well to life in the US then, and came back here after two years.
This time I’m doing it alone (with my cats!). I have lots of projects to do at the moment and need to remove myself from Taiwan in order to finish them all up. Too distracted here. Too money hungry…
I will return sporadically as I have gigs here, but I am hoping rather to make myself tri-continental in the next year or so. I’m lucky I’ve had the opportunity in Taiwan to develop the kind of skills that should enable me achieve this goal. So, I look at it as going forward, NOT going back.
DB, Think of it as another phase in your life and don’t worry about the kids. Your wife will be the one who’ll suffer most, so she should start making connections with a support network ASAP. California is pretty chock-a-block with Taiwanese, so that shouldn’t be hard.
PM me if you want any more info about going FORWARD.
All the best to you!
[/quote]
Those are wise words Alien (and everyone else who responded ). Thanks much.
I will be going back in September to do some preliminary start-up work. I already have housing and I need to do some work on it (that’s going to be the fun part.). One of the problems I have run into is the amount of choices one has. There must be about a million different kinds of refrigerators one can buy. How the heck do I know what kind of countertops to install? Just put in ones that keep my cocktails in an up-right position I suppose. 
One of the “must do” things is looking at insurance options.
You are all right about the kids…the boys should be just fine. Mrs. Bane is the person who is going to have the biggest challenge. There is a Chinese Cultural Center the next town over…I will visit that to see what they offer. I think the main thing is to keep her busy in various activities. She gets along very well with Mom and sister, so that’s a good start.
Oh, and I need to find something to do for money. :s
I suppose I should start worrying about the selling of houses and schools here as well as starting on that Green Card stuff for Mrs. Bane. Just thinking starting these projects leads me to one question, “When does Happy Hour start again?” :s
Not specifically applicable to Taiwan, but we moved back from Hong Kong to Sydney after (only) three and a half years and I would say it took a good year for me to adjust back. How old are the kids? Have they been to California before? I assume their English, and that of your wife’s is pretty good? How well they adjust will depend on a lot of factors, but I think you really need to sit down and talk about all the things they might expect as much as you can, if you haven’t already. I also think it’s your wife who will have the most trouble adjusting if she’s spent most of her life here, so finding contacts for her is a good idea.
Good luck. I think you’ll love the space and the lifestyle changes. I suspect you’ll spend quite a while thinking how expensive everything is though 
My wife really didn’t like the Atlanta suburbs, which was our first stop when we moved back to the US 4 years ago. No friends, miles from anywhere intersting for her, etc. We’ve been in Southern California for 2.5 years now, and she’s much happier here. Part of it is that the kids are in school now, so she’s met a lot of other parents our age and has somewhat of a social life. Having a Chinese market just 10 minutes away helps as well, and she even has some Chinese-speaking friends here. They’re from the mainland, but I guess you can’t have everything ;-). Or mayve she just need time to adjust. I know I did–I still miss living in Taipei, although I doubt we’d go back at this point.
As for the kids…mine (2.5 and 5 years last time we moved) really didn’t like moving, but they got used to it after a couple months. I had to spend a lot of extra time the first few months taking them to beaches and such so they’s see it really was goood place to live! Having family close by should help.
Good luck!
Don’t know about the kids issue, but your wife really needs to have a certain degree of curiosity about life and activities, and you need to help and encourage her to explore them. My wife was able to enjoy something here that she was never able to really do back in Taiwan … have a real garden. She also takes classes at the local adult education center, worked for a while in retail and made some friends through that, and now takes care of our child, which has also helped her make some friends with other moms.
You will do well to move to a community that is not too far away from things to do, and set her up with a driving license and a car. Help her with the lanuage, and adjustment. Find the nearest Asian market. See if there is a daily Chinese newspaper (shi jie ri bao distributes in New York and Boston; I am not sure about the west coast.) so she can stay connected with events back home.
This process doesn’t have to be forced on her all at once. She also might not want to admit that she is bored, or lonely, or reluctant to go out. But she will need your help, and it won’ be anything like your situation when you moved to Taiwan. You probably went to Taiwan because you were adventurous and wanted to try new things, whereas she is going to the States because of you and your child’s welfare.
I hope I am not sounding preachy about this. But I really think there are some steps you can take that will ease the transition. Good luck …
Double post
[quote=“daasgrrl”]
Good luck. I think you’ll love the space and the lifestyle changes. I suspect you’ll spend quite a while thinking how expensive everything is though 
[/quote]
Yah, expensive, but in the US, it’s very easy to find bargains.
Having traveled throughout many western countries, I’d say the US is the cheapsest of the lot. HOWEVER, insurance is a stickler, and then going out to eat can be rather costly, especially when you have to figure in a TIP! 
Rental property and real estate in California is hellishly expensive, especially in SFO, but friends who just visited told me the bottom had dropped out and it’s not as bad as before.
Cell phones! YOu know what they do in the US? You have to sign up for a PLAN!!! No going to the 7-11 and purchasing a sim card and recharging that. You have to choose a plan in your area and pay a monthly.
Cable tv. It’s bloody expensive in the US, too. But then you have these mega packages with like five movie channels (sans Lily Gagoo ads) such as HBO 1, 2, 3 and Showtime 1, 2, etc. Or you can go with Direct TV plans, or satellite. TV is more costly, but the options are endless in comparison. I’ll need to stay away as I’ve work to do and the TV/media pull and culture in the USA is strong!
Cheap things: Yard sales, auctions, flea markets, outlet malls, dollar stores, discount stores, bi-annual mega sales at department stores…etc.
Actually, I remember now, last time I lived in the US, i spent far less money on food. California has Trader Joes, fresh markets, Chinese markets, Mexican markets, Organic markets, etc. Coupons for supermarkets. Clipping coupons can become your wife’s new hobby.
Btw, does your wife drive here? That will help A LOT if she does. If not, get her started now. She’ll have no choice in the US if she wants to tote the kids to functions and go shopping, etc.
What? Really? Even in Australia you can get the ‘prepaid’ sim cards. You don’t buy them at 7-11s though, but at mobile phone outlets. I’ve always used them
And I suppose you can spend more or less on food depending on exactly what you choose to eat. I eat a fair amount of take-away 
which is noticeably cheaper here.
What? Really? Even in Australia you can get the ‘prepaid’ sim cards. You don’t buy them at 7-11s though, but at mobile phone outlets. I’ve always used them [/quote]
I know! Very convenient. My friends in Sydney keep a spare number just for their visitors. I recharged it twice whilst there and to recharge you only need go to a tobacconist-type place and tell them how much and the receipt has the recharge number on it. Better than the wastful scratch off cards here.
But alas, my cell phone here won’t work in the US anyway as it’s a 2-band. I just don’t get that the US must have such different standards. I guess Homeland Security can keep better tabs on the cell phone exchanges this way… 
[quote=“Alien”]
Rental property and real estate in California is hellishly expensive, especially in SFO, but friends who just visited told me the bottom had dropped out and it’s not as bad as before.[/quote]
Unless 2004 is different, the market to purchase has never gone down. During downturns in the economy, it’s just not gone up, but at least as far back as I can remember (late '80s), it’s never gone down. I’m sure there are exceptions to this. Rent has gone down, however, as displaced workers move out of the area.
[quote=“Alien”]
Cell phones! YOu know what they do in the US? You have to sign up for a PLAN!!! No going to the 7-11 and purchasing a sim card and recharging that. You have to choose a plan in your area and pay a monthly.[/quote]
You can get prepaid plans in the US, but it’s really expensive to do so.
The place where I bought a place:
exeterchamber.com/Location.htm
is booming. All that beautiful farm land is being eaten up by folks escaping LA. 
Good luck to you DB. I’m worried that at some point dh is going to tell me we’re moving to California, and you know where I’d rather be.
The next time you’re up in Taipei, how about visiting the Community services Center (www.community.com.tw) with your wife and talking with a counselor about preparing the family for a move?
As for money/insurance… if I were in your shoes, I’d plan to be self-employed but then health insurance would be very expensive. If your wife plans to get a job, even if it’s just to keep busy, she could get health insurance for the family through work.