Are the eldest sons in a Taiwan family allowed carte Blanche? My brother in law and his wife will I assume take care of my wife’s parents in their old age and as such, he is allowed certain privileges that the youngest son and daughter could only dream of. But some times I look at him and think this guy is a real jerk, and by that he behaves as though he’s king if the house. He worked for Herbalife but got himself rumbled after defrauding them of US$20,000. The old man chipped in with the money and it was hushed up. Since I’ve been married I wonder if he will ever do anything for himself. I always work hard and save hard and take care of my wife yet I feel my wife’s regular contributions to the household merely serve to keep him in a healthy environment whereby he doesn’t have to lift a finger.
In Europe we’d say get a life get real, do something with your life, get a proper job, support your wife and kids but over here the patriarchal society allows the old man to disperse favours, al of which are in his direction.
Your observations are pretty on-target from my experience. Families tend to rally together and protect their members in right or wrong, and it’s not surprising they’d be even more supportive of an eldest son. While the vast majority of families are law-abiding, when one bad egg ruins the bunch it’s like a miniature mafia.
This works both for good and bad. Taiwan has relatively few social benefit schemes outside of the excellent health care system and woefully inadequate labor pension scheme. People rarely save a realistic amount of money for retirement. The best retirement plan is a filial son (with grandson = even better). But when things go bad, solidarity mode kicks in even when the family member is clearly the perpetrator. I’ve seen it happen many times.
So while I admire very much the closeness of families here, I feel like when people have real, legitimate problems in need of professional help, the family situation tends to turn people into enablers rather than problem-solvers.
(The above is grossly generalized and based on personal experiences, albeit a wide breadth of them. Still, take it at face value.)
Check out my long reply in your other thread on payments to inlaws, which addresses essentially the same issues.
You and your wife need to rethink how you can appropriately express your care for her parents and family without being taken advantage of or enabling those family members who are less conscientious and hard working than you. You are fortunate that by Taiwan custom, you essentially have no obligation to her family, since she is married “out” into your family.
That said, I personally believe in taking care of family on both sides within one’s means, but without letting oneself be taken advantage of.
This is the old fashioned (and even older fashioned Western) Asian culture with eldest son having all the privileges (why can’t I have that???). He’s a loser but in the family he’s the ‘future king’. Get away as far as possible… you cannot fight old culture unless you want some bloodshed in the family.
Yes your observations are correct. It is what it is. Chinese (or Asian) tradition. Usually the eldest son (of the eldest son) becomes the head of the family and therefore all of the family assets will transfer down to his control. In a sense, these guys usually grow up feeling entitled and don’t feel the need to do anything as if he were a prince waiting to be crowned as king. Much like a daddy’s boy. The hard-working father, who spent his life building up his fortune, is usually disappointed his eldest son grew up to be this way, but there is nothing he can do at this point because he is, in fact, his eldest son, and eventually his family name will continue through him. In a lot of cases, the father will even feel a sense of guilt for having (not) raised his son up properly because he was always focused on making money and not spending any time with his son, and therefore he makes up for it by allowing his son to spend lavishly to his hearts content. I am only generalizing here. Obviously not every family household is like this and many first sons do take up the mantle and become legitimate heads of the family.
I, myself, am also the eldest of the eldest son in my family. Most if not all of my father/family’s property will be passed down to me. However, by accepting the family fortune, the responsibility of making sure the family is taken care of also falls on the my shoulders. In my opinion, a lot of these entitled first sons have failed to grasp this concept and only enjoy reaping the benefits of being the first son. They usually have no sense of responsibility and know that daddy will bail them out when they get into trouble.
Even though I was not raised in Taiwan, this is tradition. Doesn’t make it right or wrong. As an outsider living in Taiwan, it would be hard for one to understand old fashioned customs like these. But generally the eldest son is usually considered a prince and the perks are great as are the responsibilities that follow.
My grandparents’ possessions and fortune was passed down to my oldest uncle on my mom’s side, and he took the fortune and severed himself from the rest of the family. To this day, the rest of the family have disowned him, even though he is the eldest son. but my grandmother still holds onto the hope that he will come back, even going as far as defending his actions. Traditionally, the eldest son does hold a special place in the pecking order of a family, kind of like a birthright.
sorry, repost…
The problem is that the local law doesn’t abide to the tradition. If a father dies, his assets are divided equally among the number of children (sons and daughters). Traditionally, most siblings yield their share to the eldest son (if the eldest son really shoulders the parents care), legally they are all entitled to a share of the inheritance.
The problem is that the local law doesn’t abide to the tradition. If a father dies, his assets are divided equally among the number of children (sons and daughters). Traditionally, most siblings yield their share to the eldest son (if the eldest son really shoulders the parents care), legally they are all entitled to a share of the inheritance.[/quote]
Really? Wasn’t aware of this local law. I guess this would happen if the father did not prepare a will beforehand. I remember when my grandmother passed, most, if not all of the assets were passed down to my dad and my uncle. My aunts did not receive anything. While my dad and uncle will control everything, and with my dad not physically in Taiwan the majority of the time, my uncle often handles with the matters, but ultimately my dad has the final say. I remember my grandmother telling us that this is just the way things are and being the eldest son comes with a high sense of honor and prestige, but also with a lot of responsibility. While siblings usually share in the load, the sons, and usually the eldest shoulders the biggest load.
The problem is that the local law doesn’t abide to the tradition. If a father dies, his assets are divided equally among the number of children (sons and daughters). Traditionally, most siblings yield their share to the eldest son (if the eldest son really shoulders the parents care), legally they are all entitled to a share of the inheritance.[/quote]
Really? Wasn’t aware of this local law. I guess this would happen if the father did not prepare a will beforehand. I remember when my grandmother passed, most, if not all of the assets were passed down to my dad and my uncle. My aunts did not receive anything. While my dad and uncle will control everything, and with my dad not physically in Taiwan the majority of the time, my uncle often handles with the matters, but ultimately my dad has the final say. I remember my grandmother telling us that this is just the way things are and being the eldest son comes with a high sense of honor and prestige, but also with a lot of responsibility. While siblings usually share in the load, the sons, and usually the eldest shoulders the biggest load.[/quote]
Yes, tradition say one thing but legally all the children receive an equal share. Usually the father would transfer all his assets to the eldest son before death. If the father dies suddenly without will or without making an asset transfer, his assets will be divided among the kids. My friend’s grandpa died years ago, his mother signed a paper to concede her share to her oldest brother, she could have kept it but relatives would talk badly about her for not following tradition. Nowadays tradition is dying, some daughters keep their shares. Have you seen the drama in the Yang’s family, the richest guy in Taiwan who died a couple of years ago? He had more than 1 wife, many kids, all of them fighting legally for their share ? The law doesn’t abide to the tradition. People keep tradition in order to keep harmony and peace inside the family and in the local village. Anyway, ignore tradition and just ask the local property bureau about your rights. Local law is not that different from international laws regarding assets and inheritances.
Sorry, the guy’s name is not Yang. It is Wang.
More about him and his assets, and the fight for the assets after his death : nj.com/news/index.ssf/2009/0 … sines.html
The problem is that the local law doesn’t abide to the tradition. If a father dies, his assets are divided equally among the number of children (sons and daughters). Traditionally, most siblings yield their share to the eldest son (if the eldest son really shoulders the parents care), legally they are all entitled to a share of the inheritance.[/quote]
Really? Wasn’t aware of this local law. I guess this would happen if the father did not prepare a will beforehand. I remember when my grandmother passed, most, if not all of the assets were passed down to my dad and my uncle. My aunts did not receive anything. While my dad and uncle will control everything, and with my dad not physically in Taiwan the majority of the time, my uncle often handles with the matters, but ultimately my dad has the final say. I remember my grandmother telling us that this is just the way things are and being the eldest son comes with a high sense of honor and prestige, but also with a lot of responsibility. While siblings usually share in the load, the sons, and usually the eldest shoulders the biggest load.[/quote]
Yes, tradition say one thing but legally all the children receive an equal share. Usually the father would transfer all his assets to the eldest son before death. If the father dies suddenly without will or without making an asset transfer, his assets will be divided among the kids. My friend’s grandpa died years ago, his mother signed a paper to concede her share to her oldest brother, she could have kept it but relatives would talk badly about her for not following tradition. Nowadays tradition is dying, some daughters keep their shares. Have you seen the drama in the Yang’s family, the richest guy in Taiwan who died a couple of years ago? He had more than 1 wife, many kids, all of them fighting legally for their share ? The law doesn’t abide to the tradition. People keep tradition in order to keep harmony and peace inside the family and in the local village. Anyway, ignore tradition and just ask the local property bureau about your rights. Local law is not that different from international laws regarding assets and inheritances.[/quote]
Haha yea in most cases, this would probably be ideal. However, if you feel the need to ask the local property bureau to get involved in family matters, things probably aren’t fine and dandy within. Yes it probably isnt fair that the eldest son will get the biggest piece of the pie. And yes, if the eldest son does not fulfill his eldest son responsibilities, others will talk badly about him and dishonor the family name. I feel like in Wang’s case, he was filthy rich so it shouldnt surprise anyone that all of his wives, siblings, children and whatnot are fighting for a piece of the pie.