Just in general, it’s considered polite to refer to someone by their rank, either in the family, business or government unless you’re on the same level. It is always “Chairman Wang (of Formosa Plastics), may I introduce you…”, never something like, “Ken (former CEO of Enron), these are the federal prosecuters…” My mom calls my aunts by name because they’re on the same level. She calls my grandmother (my dad’s mom) “ah ma” (like I do) or “ma ma”
What you call them will depend on how close you are to them, but you’ll never call them by their Chinese names. “yue fu” and “yue mu” are rarely used when addressing them, usually only in reference (unless you really don’t know them).
[quote=“Trapper”]Got encouraged (forced) by my wife to call my in-laws the following (phonetic spelling I think…):
Father-in law = baba
Mother-in-law = mama
Grandma-in-law = ama
aunties = i e
Sister-in-law - zhe zhe (as in older sister)
Felt very very strange…thr auntie and grandma bit was fine, but the dad bit for my wifes dad took me ages to get used to, and I would not even say it for some time. The 1st time I called him dad he looked really pleased. Now I just shout it out whenever we are in public together…I think he likes it…[/quote]
Great, except I happen to be sitting here with whom I hope to be my brother-in-law and you didn’t give us that transie…I have been introducing him around the 'hood as " wo de DiDi" and you can imagine the looks we get.
What a day its been. He speaks less English than I do Mandarin. As those of you who’ve met me know, it’s pretty quiet around here. We’ve played pool and I taught him how to swim in one. Next up…Backgammon for Blood.
We’re still not married after living in sin for X years, so I still have to say “bomu 伯母.” “Bofu 伯父” passed away a couple of years ago. He never managed to learn my name - just called me “adoa 阿陡仔??.” My girlfriend’s four elder sisters are dajie, erjie, sanjie and sijie and their husbands are either jiefu or have names. Her younger sister and brother actually get called by their names, as do their spouses.
In my family at home (U.K.), we have called our parents by their names since we were about 8 years old. I never called my ex-wife’s parents anything because I never met them and we couldn’t speak each other’s languages anyway.
I use mama and baba, but I have to admit it feels a little weird. I call my own father by his first name, it’s pretty hard to get used to calling my wife’s dad baba. I guess feeling a little awkward is a small price to pay to make the family happy.
ba and ma. what’s all this about feeling weird? for heaven’s sake you’re married adults, just do it
trapper has the right idea. shouting it out as expected will make them happy. not doing so will make you look bad in myriad ways. it’s not as if you were expected to chop your arm off after all
Well for me it’s that I call my own parents by their names and have done for years.
The shift in calling the old man “ba” from “ah bei” was a difficult transition and I copped quite a few kicks in the shins for my apparent poor manners. I much preferred ah bei.
And what do I get in return for my niceties? “Women jia adoah”. From the brothers in law it’s adoah or ke lai ge . … a sinofication of my given name. It’s a rough trade. I notice that the rels are often unconfortable calling me adoah and try desperately to stick to my Chinese name . . . or whatever mangled attempt at my English name they muster at the time…
Father-in-Law: Mostly, we sit quietly together while he stares at the floor, shaking his head, resigned to his fate. Then I qently pat him on the back as a gesture of empathy and say “I know. I know.”
[quote=“Huang Guang Chen”]And what do I get in return for my niceties? “Women jia adoah”. From the brothers in law it’s adoah or ke lai ge . … a sinofication of my given name. It’s a rough trade. I notice that the rels are often unconfortable calling me adoah and try desperately to stick to my Chinese name . . . or whatever mangled attempt at my English name they muster at the time…
HG[/quote]
I think that if your name were easier to pronounce, your in-laws would call you by it. When it’s easier to call you “adoah”, they’re going to do it (but only relatives with more seniority than you).
Becuase they’re not my nother and father. That’s why it feels weird. I mean, I like them and everything, but Mum and Dad are two different people from these two.
Becuase they’re not my nother and father. That’s why it feels weird. I mean, I like them and everything, but Mum and Dad are two different people from these two.
Brian[/quote]
i could understand that it feels weird, i just can’t understand not doing it when it is the expected custom here just because it feels weird…
just my 2 cents! everyone has their own way of dealing with in-laws
The custom here is for the wife to move in with the husband’s family, so the wife would call her in-laws “ba” and “ma” because the Chinese saying goes, “A married daughter is like water poured out”. These multi-culutural marriages have created an interesting situation indeed…
but do foreigners married to Taiwanese call their parents’ in law
Mama and Baba/Aba
I call mine
YueMu and YueFu (mother in law and father in law)
I am afraid I have only one father and mother[/quote]
My son calls me Dad and my wife is called Mom.
My wife called my parents, now dead, Mom & Dad.
I call her Mother - Mom or MaMa. My son calls her Amah.
My wife is the third of eight children. My son has mastered all their appropriate titles in Chinese - 2nd Aunt, 4thAunt, 5thUncle, etc.
I use the English equivalent (4thSister, 5thBrother,etc.) in most cases, but I do use the Chinese for 2ndSister - respect. Same for their spouses.
There was some discussion about what my in-law nieces & nephews should call me, since my response to the proper Chinese term was nil. We settled on Uncle John. Works for me. Does lack the hierarchy thing though.
Becuase they’re not my mother and father. That’s why it feels weird. I mean, I like them and everything, but Mum and Dad are two different people from these two.
Brian[/quote]
I could understand that it feels weird, I just can’t understand not doing it when it is the expected custom here just because it feels weird…
just my 2 cents! everyone has their own way of dealing with in-laws [/quote]
Sorry, I don’t want to be argumentative but I believe it is not customary for Taiwanese men to call their father-in-law, Ba or Baba!
And, my Taiwanese wife agrees with me. According to her recollection, the only time she has seen a father-in-law insist that his new son-in-law call him Baba, the same father-in-law had also insisted on checking the authenticity of the young man’s university degree before agreeing to allow the young bloke to marry his little princess.
[quote=“Huang Guang Chen”]
And what do I get in return for my niceties? “Women jia adoah”. From the brothers in law it’s adoah or ke lai ge . … a sinofication of my given name. It’s a rough trade. I notice that the rels are often uncomfortable calling me adoah and try desperately to stick to my Chinese name . . . or whatever mangled attempt at my English name they muster at the time…
HG[/quote]
I find it is a matter of respect not age. No matter what I did, my former in-laws called me “Women jia de adoah”. My current father-in-law asked me, “Dzeme cheng hu?” (What should I call you?) I told him my name and he and the rest of the family have used it ever since.
personally i would bet you you’re wrong about that. thought it was normal taiwanese custom. anyway it’s expected of me that’s for sure which was my point.
[quote=“Beachside Queenslander”]Sorry, I don’t want to be argumentative but I believe it is not customary for Taiwanese men to call their father-in-law, Ba or Baba!
And, my Taiwanese wife agrees with me. According to her recollection, the only time she has seen a father-in-law insist that his new son-in-law call him Baba, the same father-in-law had also insisted on checking the authenticity of the young man’s university degree before agreeing to allow the young bloke to marry his little princess.[/quote]
It depends on a few things. 1)How “Chinese” a family is. 2)Whether or not the parents are still around. 3)How much the parents care.
My three uncles who are in-laws all call my grandmother differently…“wai po”, “ma” or “ah ma”.
