This certainly doesn’t qualify as the absolute oddest, but, for me this guy was a memorable weirdo…
Carlo was an Australian sport-fucker. Yeah, coitus was his life. He’d spent a few years in the veritable epicenter of Asian hotties (or so people say), Osaka, Japan, teaching English and shagging to his heart’s content. He was a big time playah, in the sex scene there, or so he said – a real omkeoshi.
Under murky circumstances he up and left his little porking paradise for Taipei. Don’t think he ever stopped complaining about the place the whole 8 months or so, he was there.
Still, Carlo being Carlo, that is to say: fairly attractive, for a dude and an absolute total horn dog by nature, it took him no time at all before he was happily conquering one shao-jie after another, in the tu-batsu backwater that Taipei was to him. Carlo worked for me, but only reluctantly, always avoiding heavy teaching loads so he could get his beauty sleep, and have the energy to go out on the prowl – each and ever night. He lived with a couple of other teachers of mine – in a roof top place in Hsin-Yi, close to the action. Carlo used to enjoy covertly filming himself shagging the chicks he’d meet at Vibe, or TU. Always proud of his prowess, whoever happened to be hanging in the living room the next evening was invited to see the “dailies” on the big screen TV. Proud of his work, the boy was.
One time he brought home a particularly game lass. While sill inside her, and she all entwined around him, he burst in on his roomies, offering them a piece of the action. One of them was a guy from Colorado, who was obsessed with teeth, and never got laid in Taiwan, because he always found some orthodontic flaw that broke the deal for whatever girl that was dao-mei enough to be into him at the time. Not surprisingly, he passed - must have been the overbite. The other roomie, couldn’t resist a free lunch.
Carlo was one of those kinds of guys you meet, who you kind of like, kind of have to like, because of work and mutual friends, but who leave you with a seriously uneasy feeling. You see, Carlo was a guy who would not take no for an answer. Said so himself, and allowed as how that grungy little alley behind 45 was a place where he’d forced the issue on more than one occasion. Who knows what’s true and what’s not amid the torrents of crap people talk about over beers. I could never quite figure the guy – but, somehow I suspect way too many women in Taiwan ended up regretting the day he ever said, G’day to them. He was a prick. He was all about the prick.
I used to look at his class attendance folder – to make sure he was keeping correct records. In the margins, next to all the girls names, he’d write tiny little notations like, “Nice tits”, “Good eye, contact”, “In to me”, “Bitch”, “7 or an 8” and “get number and call”. Sensing a real wolf in sheeps clothing, and because it was not the middle of the night at some dive, the girls in our school gave him a wide berth. Much to his chagrin.
His Dad visited him once, from Downunder. Without his mum, for some reason. They spent their evenings trying to score together. His Dad was Carlo 22 years into the future, and it wasn’t a pretty picture.
Eventually he got bored banging the girls in Taiwan. For him doing time in Taipei was like being sent down to the minor leagues after a glorious career in the Majors. He decided to go back to Osaka – where the girls really knew how to have sloppy disposable sex. He had a Kiwi buddy, a total cipher of a guy, who was his sidekick – they resolved to go back together. They started training at the gym like men possessed. Had to get into f’ing shape, for the f’ing Big Time.
In the days before he left Taiwan his motorcycle was vandalized, repeatedly. There were calls for Carlo The Lover, from irate girls at all times of the day and night. Despondent, psychotic girls would bang on the door, and shout up from the street. Threats were made, against him, against themselves. He probably got on that plane to Osaka about 10 steps ahead of the lynch mob.
You’d try and have normal conversations with Carlo, but somehow he wasn’t really there. The guy existed only for one thing. Definitely the kind of wai-gwo ren who gives the rest of the lao-wai that bad name. Karma’s gonna kick his ass someday.