The paranoid guide to taiwan

i’ve got Taiwan figured out. here it is:

traffic lights too long= burn more gas while idling, oil companies make more money

maps not clear= have to depend on others for direction. promotes unity

KTV= if eveyone can sing there can be no big stars to awe and sway the youth of taiwan away from government objectives

not enough garbage cans= you’ll always get caught with the goods cause there’s no place to throw it

very good, you have learned well… but there is always more, with a few more years study you will be qualified to become a legislator…

ultra slippery when wet non stick road marking paint = keep the scooter mechanics in business fixing the thousands of bikes that crash every time it rains whilst simultaneously doing nation wide R&D for the frying pan coating industry…

building airports, cities, subways and high speed rail systems that do not actually connect to each other = keep the social safety net that is the taxi driving industry in business whilst simultaneously avoiding blockades and egg pelting by said taxi drivers…

Slippery-when-wet sidewalks outside of stores, blocked sidewalks forcing people to walk in the street, and low-hanging power-lines (among many other things) = more business for the local hospitals, clinics and Chinese medicine practitioners

yay!!! paranoids unite!!! but taiwan made us that way!!

This is fun :slight_smile:

Zebra crossings = pork barrel opportunity for paint vendors and corrupt civic officials. Keep all the pedestrian targets herded into one place so the motoring public doesn’t have to hunt too hard.


Driving. :astonished:

I don’t see how this works, given that taxis here are so cheap (and turn down tips), that I can’t see how they make a living. It’s only NT$200 to the airport from my place by taxi, and that’s a trip of some 45 minutes. :astonished:

Or it’s a secret way to promote national literacy - as English teachers we all know how effective songs and chants are… we are the students, and the government is the big English teacher! Oh my god!

Gorgeous, charming, flirtatious, man-pleasing, irresistible xiaojies: a diabolical lure for inducing choice Western men to stay in Taiwan and contribute their valuable knowledge and skills to this society without any need to invest in training them, pay them high expatriate salaries, or provide them with retirement or other welfare benefits.

Those “sidewalk” components that look like pieces of red concrete, with the NATO symbol on them? The ones that are always coming loose? They’re really tombstones. Each one marks a murdered pedestrian.

Didn’t you guys know that once you leave the Arrival Hall at CKS airport, you enter an entirely fabricated, digital world…where the inhabitants drive on the sidewalks, and walk on the streets…stop at the green lights, and go through the red lights…learn English their whole life, but speak Chinese…hate to express their anger at people, but are assholes to everyone…etc etc etc.

It’s all a ploy by the western governments to get you to see the apparent logic of respecting traffic laws, being monolingual, blablabla.

That shit don’t work on me, though. I’ll be six feet under the ground before I stop at a stop-sign, or desist from my desire to drive on neighbor’s lawns.