Most people don’t plan it specifically, I guess. You have to pass criteria to adopt, anyway. Anyone can make a baby, however awful they are. It’s expensive and difficult to adopt. Sure, it’s a good thing to do, but again, it’s not something humans are predisposed towards doing in quite the same way (otherwise we’d have evolved to get an orphaned Congolese baby delivered nine months after we had sex).
It’s dumb, innerlectually, but it’s what people are fundamentally designed/evolved/whaddeva to do. You think too much. Yes, the world is ‘overcrowded’, no the world does not need yours specifically. But hey, as long as you don’t act like too too much of a fuckwit (love it too little, love it too much), maybe your kid will contribute to the world? Chances are it won’t, but hey, it’s not worth giving up on, surely? The glass is half full!
Having taught for years, I find 95% of parents’ attitudes to their kids repellent, and here in Britain there has been such a cultural shift that it’s now OK and not risibly selfish or socially unacceptable to say ‘My kids are are the most important things in my worrrrrrrrld’. Trying walking into a classroom of kids like that. Depressing isn’t the word. As a journalist put it in an article I read recently; ‘In these uncertain financial times, their child is the only thing of value they have that they didn’t buy with a credit card: you have to sympathise’. Many parents are like inexperienced teachers. They assume that everything they do has an effect and that they make their children happy.
jp, you are kind and clever. How bad could it be? And if it is bad, they can clear off when they’re teenagers, no harm no foul.
I’m not having more kids* but do I sometime feel the pull? Hell yeah. I also get asked to justify myself as a 34 year old woman constantly. I know I find other people’s children emotionally draining and boring. Medical uncertainties make it not impossible, but certainly emotionally unpleasant to keep trying. My emotions/brain think(s) not, but my hormones think otherwise. But if I don’t, then really, what was the point of me? Everything else is just vanity. The trick is not to make your kids an extension of that vanity.
- I know I don’t have any: think about it.