The Simpsons on army recruitment - hillarious

Politics International Politics
21

Can recruiters (or the corporate equivalent) from Wal-mart, McDonalds, IBM, GM etc enter school grounds at any time and approach students?

Not being American, I don’t know what the law is. But, if corporate recruiters are banned from schools, then the military should be too. Of course, if corporate recruiters are allowed (and not just at a careers day for seniors), then I have no problem with the military being allowed.

Assuming the corporates are not permitted, I guess someone will reply along the lines that the miltary should be because it’s a time of war, the country needs protecting, the military is essential etc. And so I ask -

Are recruiters representing nursing, EMTs, education, firefighters, etc allowed? As far as I’m concerned, these are some of the most important and essential occupations there are - much more important than the military. Shouldn’t they be permitted to approach school kids and make their pitch?

22

Some of the best job opportunities available to high school graduates in the U.S. these days are offered by the U.S. military. Denying high school graduates the opportunity to interview with military recruiters will doom many of them to a lifetime of menial employment in dead-end service jobs.

I agree 100% with Taiwan Cowboy about Staff Sgt. Alberto Martinez. There’s no evidence whatsoever that he’s a moron. I say fry him now and sort out the details later.

23

globalsecurity.org/org/news/ … nuses.htlm

24

globalsecurity.org/org/news/ … onuses.htm

WICAI: Two hundred ways and now 10,000 reasons. The Army announced this week it would pay up to a $10,000 signing bonus for a three-year enlistment for most of the Army’s entry level jobs; 15 grand for high-priority jobs. Julia Bobick is with the Army’s recruiting command.

Ms. JULIA BOBICK (United States Army): I think money certainly does bring people in, and that’s why it’s an incentive for those high-priority jobs and critical job skills that we need to fill.

WICAI: It’s an incentive the Army hasn’t had to rely on as much in the recent past. In fact, the Army is expected to meet this fiscal year’s goal of 77,000 recruits. But that’s changing.

Mr. JOHN PIKE (GlobalSecurity.org): They’re going to get more people the old-fashioned way: They’re going to buy them.

WICAI: Defense policy analyst John Pike is the director of globalsecurity.org. He says the Army now battles a couple variables as it tries to recruit 80,000 soldiers next year.

Mr. PIKE: Obviously, the war in Iraq looks like it’s going to drag on for a while. People, I think, are a little less eager to join the Army, re-enlist in the Army, given the prospect of spending a year in the sand over in Iraq. I think that we’ve had something of an economic draft with a bad job market, but now that seems to be turning around.

WICAI: With good jobs at home and a war on, recruiting won’t be easy even with a 10-grand carrot. In Washington, I’m Hillary Wicai.

I tried to do the link, but it messed up. If you type it by hand it might work. This article contradicts what Tainan Cowboy was saying- that bonuses are only for specialized positions. A$10,000 signing bonus was for entry level 3 year enlistment in the Army in 2004. I don’t know what the current policy is.

25

Cheers for that. Actually, the use of mental retard is specific, methinks. You can develop a mental illness at any point in time, but you are born a mental retard.

More than likely some lawyer fun and games I guess. But an interesting plea, that’s for sure. I wonder how the bloke feels about his lawyers case?

v, that link didn’t work for me.

HG.

26

HGC, I fixed my typo. Try the link again. -v

27

Sounds like it’s time to recruit old Arthur McBride for another reworking.

HG

 [quote][b]Arthur McBride[/b]. Trad.

I had a first cousin called Arthur McBride
He and I took a stroll down by the seaside;
Seeking good fortune and what might betide
It was just as the day was a'dawnin'

After restin' we both took a tramp
We met Sergeant Harper and Corporal Cramp
Besides the wee drummer who beat up the camp
With his row-dee-dow-dow in the morning

He says my young fellows if you will enlist
A guinea you quickly will have in your fist
Besides a crown for to kick up the dust
And drink the King's health in the morning

For a soldier he leads a very fine life
He always is blessed with a charming young wife
And he pays all his debts without sorrow or strife
And always lives happy and charming

And a soldier he always is decent and clean
In the finest of garments he's constantly seen
While other poor fellows go dirty and mean
And sup on thin gruel in the morning

Says Arthur, I wouldn't be proud of your clothes
You've only the lend of them as I suppose
And you dare not change them one night or you know
If you do you'll be flogged in the morning

And although we are single and free
We take great delight in our own company
And we have no desire strange countries to see
Although your offer is charming

And we have no desire to take your advance
All hazards and danger we barter on chance
and you'd have no scruples to send us to France
Where we would be shot without warning

And now says the sergeant, if I hear but one word
I'll instantly now will out with my sword
And into your bodies as strength will afford
So now my gay devils take warning

But Arthur and I we took the odds
We gave them no chance to launch out their swords
Whacking shillelaghs came over their heads
And paid them right smart in the morning

As for the wee drummer, we rifled his pow
And made a football of his row-do-dow-dow
Into the ocean to rock and to roll
And bade it a tedious returnin'

As for the old rapier that hung by his side
We flung it as far as we could in the tide
To the Devil I pitch you, says Arthur McBride
To temper your steel in the morning

[/quote]

28

Doubledy dow dow.

HG

29

i voluntarily enlisted in the US military during wartime (happily, the war ended by the time i finished advanced training). that experience led to university and an entirely new set of life options.

“seabees can do!”

30

The army’s offering MONEY to join up? OMG! The scandal! I wish other companies would do that.

31

[quote=“v”]WICAI: Two hundred ways and now 10,000 reasons. The Army announced this week it would pay up to a $10,000 signing bonus for a three-year enlistment for most of the Army’s entry level jobs; 15 grand for high-priority jobs. Julia Bobick is with the Army’s recruiting command.

I tried to do the link, but it messed up. If you type it by hand it might work. This article contradicts what Tainan Cowboy was saying- that bonuses are only for specialized positions. A$10,000 signing bonus was for entry level 3 year enlistment in the Army in 2004. I don’t know what the current policy is.[/quote]I also got an ERROR 404 on the link. No big deal.

This is pretty much what I was saying.
Recruitment bonus for some jobs specialties…wider latitude when required. And a higher amount for some specific areas.
About the same as signing bonuses and contract completion bonuses in the civilian world.
IMO…nothing unusual. This is how the world works - gain skill and experience and you become more valuable in the job market.Then you command a higher wage for your employment.

32

Is it true that Marines don’t give out signing bonuses? The military is great for money for school- but it’s a gamble that I didn’t need to take. Not that my family was rich. I got mnoga scholarship money. No way my children are being soldiers unless there’s a draft. In that case I’d go fight with them.

33

boo boo

34

netscape.com/viewstory/2006/ … frame=true

But the Army has managed to overcome those negative factors by using more innovative techniques to reach young people, Byrne said. Recruiters, for example, are available at all hours on an Army Web site chat room. Those who indicate a strong interest are then offered a chance to meet face-to-face with a recruiter. That has proven more productive, Byrne said, than traditional tactics like waiting for people to walk into a recruiting station.

The Army also has accepted a larger number of recruits whose score on a standardized aptitude test is at the lower end of the acceptable range, and it has granted waivers to permit the enlistment of people with criminal records that otherwise would disqualify them.[/color] The Army says it does not grant waivers if there is a pattern of criminal misconduct or for convictions of drug trafficking or any sexually violent crimes.

v said in a post previous to the above: I think the military did lower their standards because they were hurting for recruits.

To which Tainan Cowboy followed with the comment: US Army recruiting standards actually have been consistently raised in the last 10 yrs or so.

TC: As you’ll see from my latest link, I think you are mistaken.[/quote]

35

rand.org/pubs/monograph_repo … 18.ch2.pdf

Interesting info on the AFQT - the Armed Forces Qualification Test (I was mainly looking at page 6). I also found out that the Navy and Marines only except ‘Tier 1 high schoolers’, which means high school graduates. But in NJ, almost anyone who doesn’t drop out can get a diploma. We have an alternate graduation test called the SRA (Special Review Assessment) that the kids take who can’t pass the regular grad test. Since this alternate test is graded within the highschool- pretty much everyone passes because administrators whose jobs are on the line don’t want taxpayers reading in the newspaper that a lot of kids failed the highschool graduation test (which some have compared to having content an 8th grader could pass). I have had immigrant students who come into the school system at 17 yrs, can say “I like soccer ball”, and they get a diploma. My nephew the Marine in basic training now (he graduates 11/30) was in special classes for low achieving students and the Marines accepted him. He could have done better if I had continued to be a presence in his life and hadn’t gone off to NYC and later Taiwan. BTAIM, the Marines say they get the ‘best and the brightest’, but I am skeptical of that claim.

36

Surely that would be a choice for your children to make, not you?

37

Yes, that would be their choice, but I will try to influence them as best I can. Just like I try to warn them about anything else. I describe what to avoid as well as what to work towards. Probably one of the most difficult aspects of parenting isn’t the tiring sacrifices we make when the children are little, it’s watching them when they are older and sometimes making choices that we believe will hurt them in the long run.

38

Tell me about it! My little sister’s 16-year-old came home from school recently to announce that he’d left and wanted to be a plumber. After pointing out that his mother is only a veterinarian and that he COULDN’T be a plumber because there have never been any filthy rich people in our family before, she tried to explain why it would be a better idea to stay at school and get a useless degree before joining the dole queue, but he was adamant. He’s working in a B&Q warehouse now.
It’s not the end of the world – hopefully the utter shittiness of that job will give him cause for a re-think, and he’s still very young and can go back to school later – but its quite painful to see my sister’s hurt as the realization strikes that he’s his own man… er… boy and that she can’t really do anything but be there when he falls.

39

He’ll crack eventually, all plumbers do!

HG

40

Did you ever read Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse? I read it back in highschool, but the thing I remember is the pain the father felt watching his son make the same mistakes he did, and then finally coming to a point of acceptance. All those great books I read in my younger years that I didn’t have the experience to understand…I think I will have to be getting back to them.