The skewed nature of on-line personas

Discussion Open Forum
#1

I’ve been participating on message boards for close to a decade. But the last 6 months or so posting here and then meeting a lot of Forumosans has really driven home a point: People’s on-line personas tend to skew towards the negative.

In forums, personalities skew towards the sarcastic, defensive, petty, and narrow-minded, to create a short list which could easily be expanded.

Why is this? A lot of Forumosans have met one another. Yet, even after meeting ‘in person,’ where more genial personalities are revealed, the Mr. Hyde reversion continues on-line.

Why? Is it the nature of the medium? Do most people enjoy pressing others’ buttons, while having their own buttons pressed? Does the immediacy of the written form create an urgency in which people feel the need to defend and provoke, rather than explain and resolve? Is there something about the faceless, democratic nature of the Internet that transcends power structures and social roles which exist in the face-to-face world, allowing each person to assume an alpha male/female role?

Just curious. :rainbow:

#2

I once made the acquaintance of a man who, three hours into the “conversation,” said “You know I have been sitting with you here all afternoon and in that time I don’t think I have spoken more than about three sentences.” “Don’t get me wrong,” he said “You are an interesting enough person, but you NEVER stop talking.” I have recieved similar complaints from a number of people in my life. I am new to this but so far I just like the internet because when it is my turn to talk it is really my turn to talk and nobody complains (probably because I am a really slow typer!). As far as I can tell I am not motivated by a desire to dominate anyone. It’s true I am often sarcastic here but then I am sarcastic in person too. Sorry Gubo. I guess I wasn’t much help.

#3

I think that because writing is a less-immediate form of communication than speaking that we tend to hone our words until they are razor-sharp. Writing eloquently is a talent, but sometimes we overdo it when we want to disagree with others. It’s also fun to throw a “zinger” at someone - a well-crafted remark that makes the other person, or their argument look ridiculous. It’s easy for that to descend into cheap shots and petty vitriol.
Using emoticons/smilies helps soften up the tone a bit, as does frequent face-to-face contact. Meeting people in person reminds you of their humanity, and puts a face to what was previously only an abstraction. I’ve often found that people are willing to type things to and about me that they would never say in person.

A few people are willing to go at it hammer and tongs, disagreeing vehemently with me, but not getting overly nasty, and remaining gracious and friendly in person. I’ve had that experience with Tigerman, Fred Smith, Wolf Reinhold, and many others. A few people are happy being consistent jerks online, but what can you do? As long as they’re not in flagrant violation of the rules, they have a right to be jerks.

#4

Not having the possibiltiy of actual physical reactions, we are not reined in by growing looks of discomfort from our listeners, nor do we have to fear a kick in the head, being thrown out, or our listeners just saying “shut the fuck up” and walking away.

I also suspect that many individuals may hold some extreme opinions that would make the majority uncomfortable in most sociual situations, but online there is always at least one other extremist willing to come to the defence, so the person doesn’'t feel so isolated.

It’s an interesting question. There’s people on Forumosa who seem like utter jerks to me online, but then really nice in person. Usually I think it is some alter-ego that they let take over when they’re on Forumosa, but lately I’ve begun to wonder, maybe that’s their ‘true nature’ (not that I really believe in such a concept as true nature) which they keep bottled up in real life social situations.

Poeple often point to the anonymity of the internet when discussing online social interaction, but the interesting thing is that for the majority of regular posters on Forumosa, who have met each other, that’s not the case. There’s obviously somethign mroe going on.

Brian

#5

well gubo,

It goes to show you how navie I am. When i came on to Forumosa, I figured that what you post is similar to what you are in life, or just a fun alter ego. But being here after sometime, I have encountered some vicious posts as well as nice ones. but it’s the viciousness-sp- of some posts that have made me wonder.

#6

I think this issue was most eloquently explained at Penny Arcade:

#7

I posted my thoughts, but they are not here. :s
One point you have to remember is that with posting, you don’t have to wait your turn to make a comment.

#8

:bouncy:

BroonAppy

#9

Tetsuo, your quote “normal person + anonymity + audiens = total fuckwad”, doesn’t really explain Forumosa where such a large number of regulars have met each other, and so are not anonymous.

Brian

#10

Yeah I agree with Bu’s point about the anonymity thing with Forumosans. It’s perplexing that personal knowledge of the other poster will not reduce the incidents of flaming on our forums. At times, such personal knowledge actually inflames the passions. :astonished:

I used to have access to research done on internet communities from my alma mater but can’t locate them now. It’s very interesting reading - internet/virtual communities and its dynamics.

#11

I think Forumosa is a strange forum. I cant believe that there are that many online communities which are actually communities in real life. It makes for very interesting reading.

#12

for those of you who have met in the real world as well as on-line: are you kinder to those you have met face-to-face on-line than some still faceless person?

if so, why?

#13

The ones I’ve met and actually enjoy talking with are 75% like their personas online. The first Forumosans I met were at my first Games Club and I’m glad they were the first ones I met. They feel like “old friends” already.

I don’t care for people who have to get their point drilled into you no matter how–online debates where they quote this and quote that–or in person. I wonder if those Quote This Quote That Forumosans debate and speak as eloquently as they write when they get together with each other. The foreign community here is so small I guess they need to be heard, even if it’s in an online community.

So to answer your question, when I meet those folks in person, I would hold some reservations. But I’m sure they are very nice people. :astonished:

#14

I agree with the theory that online personas are very revealing about a person’s true nature. Some people need an online forum to express their angst, because no one will listen to them in real life; some people are afraid to show people who they really are in person, because they lack physical confidence; some people are incapable of expressing their true feelings face to face, so they let the anger and frustration out online.

I have greater appreciation for people who are essentially the same online as they are in person. Having an alter ego that is a far cry from the person you let others see in person smacks of duplicity and flakiness. Most people don’t come here to get wound up or played with by folks who enjoy manipulating others.

#15

[quote=“skeptic yank”]for those of you who have met in the real world as well as on-line: are you kinder to those you have met face-to-face on-line than some still faceless person?

if so, why?[/quote]

I think the easiest and most obvious example of this startling difference would be our love-em/hate-em Fred Smith. I think we can all agree that Fred Smith, the on-line version, is a rather prickly sort of fellow. In person at the Forumosa happy hours, I’ve found him to be a sociable person in the flesh and pleasant to chat with. Whereas sometimes, with what he posts, you’ve barely finished injecting your anti-venom serum before more comes flying your way. :astonished:

YMMV.

I think for the majority of people I’ve met on-line and in person, their personas are about as I expected - regular folks with interesting stories and pleasant nice manners who I would be interested in socializing with on a regular basis. That to me, is an anomaly.

[EDIT: I would also like to point out that it’s always a good thing to separate on-line vs. off-line. Although I think both are as ‘real’ as the other. In practice, I generally find if one is pleasant and genuine, you’re going to get that in return. Most of us who have chosen to live in a foreign land are going to be much more mature in outlook and common sensical about things, forumosa persona notwithstanding.]

#16

Then there is the other side to that coin, the Forumosans that are friendly and kind online, but sneaky bastards in real life. For instance, take you Mr. Cartman. How dare you buy me a Wild Turkey at the pub last Friday night, get me all hooked on the bugger, and then run off leaving me to finish the bottle all on my own as my wallet was emptied. Yes, you are the kind and gentle YC online, but nothing but a con artist in person. Come clean, you secretly own a large percentage of Wild Turkey Corp and reap countless profits off of unsuspecting victims of your “Oh, let me buy you a drink of this tasty little bourbon.”

Tasty indeed!!

#17

Then there is the other side to that coin, the Forumosans that are friendly and kind online, but sneaky bastards in real life. For instance, take you Mr. Cartman. How dare you buy me a Wild Turkey at the pub last Friday night, get me all hooked on the bugger, and then run off leaving me to finish the bottle all on my own as my wallet was emptied. Yes, you are the kind and gentle YC online, but nothing but a con artist in person. Come clean, you secretly own a large percentage of Wild Turkey Corp and reap countless profits off of unsuspecting victims of your “Oh, let me buy you a drink of this tasty little bourbon.”

Tasty indeed!![/quote]

Smerf smerf smerf, you must have forgotten that I was a pimp in a former life. The one before being the devil’s advocate :stuck_out_tongue: :wink:

#18

Then there is the other side to that coin, the Forumosans that are friendly and kind online, but sneaky bastards in real life. For instance, take you Mr. Cartman. How dare you buy me a Wild Turkey at the pub last Friday night, get me all hooked on the bugger, and then run off leaving me to finish the bottle all on my own as my wallet was emptied. Yes, you are the kind and gentle YC online, but nothing but a con artist in person. Come clean, you secretly own a large percentage of Wild Turkey Corp and reap countless profits off of unsuspecting victims of your “Oh, let me buy you a drink of this tasty little bourbon.”

Tasty indeed!![/quote]

The first taste is always free.

#19

When we are posting, we are not meeting.

I can call anybody here who does not have my address and phone number a total waste of space without having to face the music for insinuating that the person I am posting against is a dark spot on humanity.

You sit in the safety of the internet cafe, your office, or your bedroom, and you can write whatever you want.

Also, another aspect is that everybody will build up aggressions from time to time - and well, we need outlets. Venting them on some poor guy who by accidents writes a word we disagree with is so much easier than doing it on say… A friend or the missus or whoever we meet and interact with face to face.

So… many reasons… I guess…

#20

I have very low self-esteem and a tiny penis. I find Forumosa gives me a useful outlet without having to get my hands dirty, so to speak.