I’ve given a lot of thought to the whole special allowance fund debacle. In fact, a colleague and I discussed the matter at length today, and here’s the fruit of our political analysis.
A bunch of preschoolers are playing in a classroom while the teacher’s on break. Some are clobbering each other while others are stealing school materials, when suddenly a little kid jumps up and shouts, “Abian farted! Abian farted!”
“I did not!” retorts the indignant three-year old, hands on his hips.
Several kids promptly rush to the other end of the classroom. Others stand around looking at each other and sniffing.
“Did too!” says another kid, who promptly produces a witness who smelled it.
“It was supposed to be a secret!” Abian whines, on the verge of tears.
“Kick him out! Kick him out!” screams little Ming-duh, jumping up and down. He is promptly joined by two little friends who agreed to wear the same outfit today.
Little Pony, feigning as much maturity as a three year old can muster, folds his arms and says, “You farted. You must please leave now.”
The teachers return to the classroom and are promptly surrounded by screaming children. The teachers ask for quiet, try to figure out what’s going on, then remind everyone that farting in class is against the school rules. There is a great deal of confusion amongst the children, some of whom begin scanning the walls for a list of rules even though they can’t read. The teachers are about to pass judgment when another kid passes gas. A little girl standing near Abian (but not too near) points at Pony and says “He did it! He did it!”
“Did not! I never fart!” says Pony.
“Did too!” says a kid who smelled it and points out that little Yu Wen is back there desperately trying to cover the scent with his own.
Pony flashes a smile and says, “Well maybe I did fart, but it smells good.”
Class leader for life Lien sits in the corner, watching. He either knows something or he doesn’t. The latter is more plausible since he’s six years old but has been held back several times. He whispers to a few other special needs students, one of whom is drooling.
The teachers decide it’s time to restore order, and ask, “All right, who else in this classroom farted?” Pandemonium ensues. Children are pointing and shouting, others are hopping up and down, and still others are running in circles around the classroom farting at will. One teacher turns to the other and asks, “Do you think maybe there’s a problem with the school lunch?”
