And so it came to pass that only two leprechauns in and the game was nearly up already. Enrico himself was labeled as some kind of homophobe/idiot, his left foot an undesirable refugee from an unrecognized secessionist state, and his right hand an agent of colonialist oppression. Sorting out the paperwork for that was going to be challenging to put it mildly. His medium term goal had to be to convince the next leprechaun to plug the fridges out. Otherwise he would likely lose his red hand of Ulster and possibly his left foot.
Paddy-O strode forwards cocky as ever, and addressed Enrico. “Well, hows dat for you now, are you happy now? I have two Canadian leprechauns over here that want to fight you, or lets be serious there is no fight, what I mean to say is that there are two lads here looking for a dummy to practice their MMA moves on. Then there’s a whole bunch of Chinese leprechauns if you’d care to face that, and a passive aggressive Taiwanese overseas returnee one too for good measure, make no bones about it those boys are going to be far worse than the Canadians. We also have Michael D Higgins, a tinker from Wexford, an ex UVF turned redemptorist preach…” at that moment a phone started ringing, and a voice called from the darkness. “@mad_masala is in trouble and needs urgent help, bring out the Catalonian Leprechaun!”.
“Well I guess the decision is made for you then, do you speak Cat Lick yourshelf Mr Enrico?”
Enrico did not have time to reply when a very small leprechaun walked forwards out of the shadows. “Ba ba!?, Ba ba, I am a Catalonian right?”
“Yes, you are Catalonian replied Enrico”
“I am Chinese and I am Catalonian, I have two countries, mused the little leprechaun”
Ba ba! Let me tell you something, the high speed rail in Catalonia is very super doper fast. It is faster than the Shanghai and the Japanese High speed rails.”
“Yes son, yes that is true, although do bear in mind that there is no highspeed rail on our Catalonian Island of Sardinia”
“Ba ba, Let me tell you something, Catalonian pizza is extremely delicious, more delicious than Italian Pizza, and Catalonian people are not afraid of the rain and sometimes wear flip flops outside the house, I know because I am Catalonian, also Catalonian people do not necessarily have to peel their apples before eating them, they also eat the skin too, although they do not eat the pips, Daddy you are Catalonian too?”
“Yes yes son, shhhhh, don’t tell the other leprechauns’ about that please”
“Ba ba, why is your hand and your foot in the fridge, and why are you standing here in the kitchen all by yourself in the middle of the night?”
“Ba ba, let me tell you something, your brain is very very large, very large, you have already completed xiao ban and zhong ban, and Da ban, and you have graduated to elementary school, and onwards to highschool, and you have even completed University which is a very very big kindergarten. You are grown up. However you should not spend too much time on the computer. Daddy you have muscles and you are very strong. Lets go outside, perhaps we can go swimming or riding on the bicycles. Also in Catalonia we have a car, we should go to Catalonia now and visit your mummy and daddy there.”
“Son, I, need a visa for my foot and for my hand, but I think that you can help me. Plug out the fridges, then I will see if I can maneuver the fridges out of the kitchen, that might be enough to break the spell of the carrageen sandwich which has fallen upon us and lead to our inconvenient beurocratic sitation”
“Daddy what is “inconvenient beurocratic?”
“Son I really don’t know, I can’t even spell those words myself. But if you can help me to unplug the fridges I might be able to take you outside”
The Catalonian leprechaun walked over and pulled on the chord, unplugging the freezer. Then he was about to unplug the fridge. However at that moment the rastafarmarian man who looks like the Donald saw what was happening and began to shout.
“Detain this leprechaun for illegal migration” he roared pointing at the little boy. “Put him in the detention centre!” Paddy-O stepped forward, and looking sad and guilty he picked up the little boy and carried him to what looked like a child’s play pen, inside were several babies crying Ma ma? Dad dad dad? And toys scattered around them. He put the Catalonian leprechaun in the pen and he too immediately started to cry.
In that moment of searing pain Enrico had a profound realization. All of the leprechauns’ were weighted down with shame at what was happening. Were they in some way living in fear of the Rastafarmarian with the 45 swastica? The constant repression? And heavy handed modding decisions? A revolution might be possible!? Perhaps the time for Catalonia to break forth and strike for its own glorious nation was finally at hand?