[quote=“Dangermouse”]I could forgive my girlfriend for cheating before engagement and before marriage, but not after.
You’re only young once. The human being is just an animal at heart and needs to shag around just like every other mamal. [/quote]
Therein lies the question: What kind of fool would “cheat” on someone when they are not married/living together? Is it really cheating? Me thinks not. You are still legally single otherwise. It is morally wrong, I suppose, but if you want the sex so bad with another person other that your GF/BF, then you should ask yourself if you are indeed committed to the relationship.
Anyway, the best way to avoid cheating is to stay single. That beind said, my gal screwed my best friend when I was in my teens and I never forgave her but I forgave him because he was my best friend and I knew it was her fault more than his. She was in a relationship, he wasn’t.
Also, define cheating. Like another poster said, some people consider phoning an old flame as a betrayal equal to sex. I phoned my old GF when I was in Korea (living with a Korean gal), and my live-in girl almost had a nervous breakdown. In a way, I could see her point. She thought it was only her and me. Then when I phoned my ex, she figured there was no exclusivitiy to us anymore and it just wasn’t the same for us after that.
BTW; I said it’s worse if you’re married and you cheat on your SO with a family member. That would cause a rift to deep to heal. And there’d be no way to continue a relationship with either one after that!
To me, any form of cheating is consider bad, unlike Bill Clinton!! haha
I got cheated on before and it was def. bad. Took me awhile to trust men in general again. I don’t believe in cheating and would never do it to my SO. Why do ppl do it anywayz?? Why?? Leave your current lover to pursue something better, don’t keep them around and hurt them.
I do believe whatever goes around comes around. I guess for lots of us, we all think that grass is greener on the other side. … sometimes!
[quote]It’s of a gentleman soldier
As sentry he did stand
He saluted a fair maiden
By a waving of his hand
And then he boldly kissed her
And he passed it off as a joke
He drilled her up in the sentry box
Wrapped up in a soldier’s cloak
And the drums are going a rat a tat tat
And the fifes they loudly play
Fare you well Polly my dear
I must be going away
All night they tossed and tumbled
Till the morning did appear
The soldier rose, put on his clothes,
and said “farewell my dear”
For the drums they are a beating
And the fifes they sweetly play
If it weren’t for that, Polly my dear
With you I’d gladly stay
And the drums are going a rat a tat tat
And the fifes they loudly play
Fare you well Polly my dear
I must be going away
Now come you gentleman soldier,
Won’t you marry me?
Oh no my dearest Polly
Such things can never be
For I’ve a wife already
And children I have three Two wives are allowed in the army
But one’s too many for me[/quote]
Just so I get this right - the thread is about sex, nothing else, right? The big question of sex with someone in and on its own is a deal-breaker/ deal-maker for a relationship.
I ask cause I have a range of other elements in my relationship, which I value a lot higher than the mere sex. Things I bother a lot more about and keep under close surveillance at all times.
It looks as if I am in a similar position as Elegua. Sex of my SO with someone else is not really the issue for me. I only get concerned when other parts of the relation which are more important to me break down. However, I am also aware that to many sex equals relationship, and that it can be either one main factor, the main factor and sometimes even the only factor that defines it and holds it together. If one is in such a position, the mere act of sex definitely will be intollerable.
So how is it? Besides outright sex, what other things you’d consider cheating? Or would this rather belong into a thread titled “what you consider deal-makers/deal-breakers in a relationship?”
You are absolutely correct. Sex is a nice part but not really the most important part of my relationship. That being said, if your SO does have sex with someone else, it in itself will lead to other things you hold dear to also break down.
We can kid ourselves that this won’t happen. But when my ex-GF thought I was cheating on her (I wasn’t, but does that matter?), she went out and started slutting herself around for revenge. Soon she didn’t even hide the calls from other guys and herself being seen around town with whomever.
That was it. The relationship as I knew it was over. And sex wasn’t the best part, but it was the part that broke it down.
Never happened to me, but I usually suspect it to be the other way round when I see it in other couples. First something broke down (or did not work right away) then comes the cheating.
I mean, if I just look at the story you told and take it at just face-value then it seems to me she did not have the trust into you to begin with.
‘Thought you were cheating’ instead of ‘benefit of the doubt’? :no-no:
Does not sound to me like a concept working really smooth.
I’m living with my husband now, after he cheated, and he is not forgiven. I stay for my son, mostly, and for our finances. The trust is gone. How can the relationship be the same? And it’s much more complicated than sex. It doesn’t really even have to do with love, but that’s a lot harder thing now because I’ve lost a lot of respect for him and love is hard like that.
i cheat all the time. and i’ll never be forgiven if i’m found out. i’ll also never be forgiven for leaving cookie crumbs on the table, turning the wrong way while driving, and missing the garbage truck at 5:00. it’s all on the same level of getting yelled at and forced out of the house, so cheating couldn’t hurt.
Sex and love are not necessarily tied together. That is, many a man can have sex with a woman not his SO and then honestly say that “it didn’t mean anything”.
I’m not saying that the woman (his SO) should not be angry or feel betrayed… that depends on the communication and the agreement they have between themselves.
However, I really believe that many a man can have extramarital sex that means nothing to him and has no affect on his actual feelings of love for his wife. I also believe that many a woman cannot understand and or accept this notion.
I understand that not everyone will agree with this notion.
[quote=“Tigerman”]I think this much is true for many men…
Sex and love are not necessarily tied together. That is, many a man can have sex with a woman not his SO and then honestly say that “it didn’t mean anything”.
I’m not saying that the woman (his SO) should not be angry or feel betrayed… that depends on the communication and the agreement they have between themselves.
However, I really believe that many a man can have extramarital sex that means nothing to him and has no affect on his actual feelings of love for his wife. I also believe that many a woman cannot understand and or accept this notion.
I understand that not everyone will agree with this notion.[/quote]
I don’t think my husband’s “indescression” ment anything to him. I have no problem understanding that it didn’t. It means a lot to me, however.
I do love my husband, but I do respect him a lot less. And it is much harder to love someone you have trouble respecting.
Is this too personal to share here? I’m comfortable and hope that other’s are, too. Sorry to those who aren’t. And I’m not trying to hijack the thread with my problems.
It’s just that this topic is something that I’ve learned a lot about in a difficult way. Perhaps, after all, and there’s been quite a bit, I was still somewhat nieve.
But it’s just not so simple as end of faithfulness/end of trust = end of relationship. That’s what I was trying to get at.
I think that for most people an indiscretion would be a gross breach of trust and would more often than not be (or lead to) the end of the relationship. In a marital relationship or a very committed one the couple in question may be able to work through something like this, but it would take a heck of a lot of work.
Whether the trust and the respect could ever be earned back would be debatable. I know I would always be a little doubtful…
cheating is unforgivable
it doesn’t mean you can’t have flings with her though
it’d just make the flings more exciting since you know you’d be banging a slutty piece of scum hehe
[quote=“Samwy”]cheating is unforgivable it doesn’t mean you can’t have flings with her though
it’d just make the flings more exciting since you know you’d be banging a slutty piece of scum hehe[/quote]
I think you just messed up your chances in meeting a woman here [/b]
[quote=“housecat”]I don’t think my husband’s “indescression” ment anything to him. I have no problem understanding that it didn’t. It means a lot to me, however.
I do love my husband, but I do respect him a lot less. And it is much harder to love someone you have trouble respecting.
Is this too personal to share here? I’m comfortable and hope that other’s are, too. Sorry to those who aren’t. And I’m not trying to hijack the thread with my problems.
It’s just that this topic is something that I’ve learned a lot about in a difficult way. Perhaps, after all, and there’s been quite a bit, I was still somewhat nieve.
But it’s just not so simple as end of faithfulness/end of trust = end of relationship. That’s what I was trying to get at.[/quote]
Have you thought about, or approached the idea of marital counselling?
And there’d be no way to continue a relationship with either one after that! 
