I ain’t no horse, and I didn’t ride here.
Sorry. Replace “horse” with “flying saucer.”
Here is what a customer said when he came into my Dad’s store / resort (in the middle of the countryside):
You won’t Believe what the fuck just fuckin happened. I was driving my fucking truck down the fucking road and out off fucking nowhere a big fucking buck (male deer) Jumped right in the fuckin middle of the fucking road. It just fucking stopped right in the fuckin middle of the fucking road and looked fucking right at me. So I fucking slowly opened up my fuckin pick up Truck door. Then I fuckin reached behind the fucking seat and fuckin Slowly pulled out my fucking rifle. I finally unzipped the fucking case, Fucking slowly inserted the fuckin clip into the fucking gun. Now I’m fucking thinking that if I pull the fucking Action back the fucking buck will fucking take off. So I fucking decided to point the fucking gun at at buck first and then pull the fucking action back. The fucker was only 15 feet in fucking front of me. I couldn’t fucking miss. So I pointed the fucking gun and pulled the fucking action back - And let it fucking slap closed and pulled the fucking trigger. Fuckin BLAM! I hit the fuckin buck square in the fucking head. He fucking just fell to the fucking ground. Now I am fucking thinking I am just a fucking dumb shit. How the fuck am I going to get the fucking buck in my fuckin pickup truck? This is a big fucking buck. It fucking must weigh 250 or 300 fucking pounds. So the first fucking thing I did was to fucking drag the fucker to the side of the fucking road. Then I got the bright fucking idea of using the fucking winch to put the fucker in the back of my fucking truck. So unwound the fucking winch and ran it over the top of my fucking truck and wrapped it around the fucking fucker’s neck. Then I winched the fucking buck into my fucking truck.
Now I need a fuckin deer hunting license so I can get fuckin tag for the fucker.
Fine. But you’re not my type.
Possible replies (to the deer story):
A successful novelist once told this story (paraphrased):
I wrote a dirty story about to pass around at school. But the night before, my dad found it and said to me in a very serious tone, did you write this? I was so embarrassed but had to admit it and told him what I had planned to do. Then he explained, it’s a good thing I caught you, because if you showed this to all your friends you’d be a complete laughingstock. You used the F word in practically every sentence! And you only had a good reason to use it in four sentences. The more you use it, the less power it has, and when you use it all the time it’s just pathetic. Now go to your room and write a better version! That was the most important lesson I ever learned as a writer.
Don’t try this if you’re white ( obviously)
RIP B. Mac, he is missed like a motherfucker…
C’mon really? Since when do we censor the ‘f word’, mods? The effect of replacing it with a dancing banana makes it look like I’m making light of the situation, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
You mean FUN?!
Bananaed is not even a word LOL …which was what I thought of when I first saw that reply from Drew
ing good night, every ing body.
You waited 3 ing years for that?!
Bodies with vaginas?
Now that’s obscene.