★★★★★ This is a Classic Post!

[quandary]

More like 吃到生不如死

[11173]

More like 吃到生不和司機設計手法極爲交給結果往死

[TaipeiGuy2000]

吃到吐

[Dr_Milker]

@11173

More like 吃到生不和司機設計手法極爲交給結果往死

Say what?

[11173]

Eat until the driver’s finishing touches are so good that you die.

[Marco]

@Masumi

Needed to cross the road in a hurry, on my bike. Waited for a tram going right (from my point of view) to pass, then quickly proceeded to cross. Hidden behind that first tram was a second one, going left on the other track, appearing into my field of view in the exact moment I was already rolling onto its track. I only remember thinking “OH $&*#”, then I woke up to a bunch of people hustling around me, and not remembering who I was. Tram had knocked me 10m through the air, I had amnesia for a couple hours. But somehow I was out of the hospital four days later, was able to fix my bike, the only thing that had taken serious damage was the tram. So… I won?

(yeah that was a seriously idiotic mistake to make, but that’s my problem - I am often a clumsy idiot. Trying my best not to, but I’d still prefer to have insurance XD)

[yyy]

This is in Temp, but…

https://tw.forumosa.com/t/from-convenient/226239/

(It’s the second post that’s classic, but the first is needed for context.)

[afterspivak]

My favourite part of that nominated classic is that it is marked as a “solution.”

Guy

[afterspivak]

This too is in temp, but given its brilliance I nominate it as a classic post for the ages.

https://tw.forumosa.com/t/random-arguments-about-water-and-laziness-and-stuff-formerly-tl-plans/235255/185

Guy

[yyy]

Oh wow, I didn’t think it was that good, but thanks!

[bz]

Seems like many of the older links are broken but, oddly, not all, seems a bit hit or miss. Maybe there’s a pattern that could be handled with a redirect on the back end?

[TaipeiGuy2000]

@bz

Seems like many of the older links are broken but, oddly, not all, seems a bit hit or miss. Maybe there’s a pattern that could be handled with a redirect on the back end?

I guess the problem could be solved by not allowing nominations of posts in Temp. Or, by moving nominated posts out of Temp.

[Explant]

@yyy

This is in Temp, but…

https://tw.forumosa.com/t/from-convenient/226239/

(It’s the second post that’s classic, but the first is needed for context.)

Temping threads, classic!

Hahaha. Just funnin, pointing out the obvious

[slawa]

@yyy

This is in Temp, but…

@Explant

Temping threads, classic!

enjoy

@jinyu

@The

You get a tinder, met her at 7/11, have cheap good coffee and take her to cheap love motel, where condoms wait for you.
You put it on somehow and she takes it down for you. After sex you use disposable toothbrush.

While brushing your teeth and watching her curves, phone rings. Reception lady.

Taiwan numero uno

If only that were the reality! More like: you meet a lovely lady on Tinder (she’s into amphibians, your eyes protrude a bit, there’s a connection) and invite her out for a cup of bad coffee ($190) and a whimsical snuffbox-sized piece of cake ($250). You expect some aesthetic parallax between her profile pics and the actual thing, but are taken aback to discover that Vivian has broad shoulders, tidal hairline, slanting “breasts,” and a five a’clock shadow (it’s only ten thirty a.m.) Not one to look a gift horse up the arse, so to speak, you chat with her about life and frogs for an hour or so before suggesting, in an offhand way, that the two of you continue the conversation in a nearby salamander-themed love hotel. Precocious in all the wrong ways, you check in for fifteen minutes — more than enough time, you think. Alas, the snuffbox sized cake was a bad omen: the variously-coloured and thimble-sized condoms by the bed are tailored, it seems, to meet the needs of a promiscuous eight-year old boy. But not wanting to risk impregnating Vivian (if you’d paid attention in biology and other classes at school you wouldn’t have ended up in Taiwan, would you) you try and force it on anyway (think of a python attempting to devour a cow, and getting stuck halfway). Vivian, travesty of a transvestite, banshee of a man-she, tries in vain to rescue with strong,bony fingers your manhood from the garrotting grip of the condom; the call from the reception lady; arrival of said reception lady (“happens all the time with our foreign guests”) wielding a complimentary toothbrush as a kind of makeshift shoehorn or carjack as you whimper for Mother. You and your war-wounded manhood wait all afternoon among the madding crowds of a hospital corridor before a “doctor” with a grubby white coat over his pyjamas auscultates your forehead, prescribes a bag of merrily coloured mixed medicines (lavender laxatives, red Robitussin) and tells you to drink plenty of warm water and avoid eating asparagus for the next two weeks.

[volv1992]

@Andrew

“Fraternizing”? It’s a bank/business, not occupied France.

Brilliant

[bz]

Nominating this as a classic post!

@Anaptronym

Isn’t the accepted practice to reply reasonably at first, or at least wait for a series of reasonable replies to happen, then break out the whacky stuff which potentially gets split into a ‘not about…’ then all hell breaks loose and people start posting crazy random misshaps with dentures in bathrooms etc. Then after a time the ‘discussion’ will have ‘run its course’ and a new thread emerges elswhere like a shaky legged new born gazelle on the forumosan savanna?

[Anaptronym]

Doesn’t deserve the oscar but I’d like to take this opportunity to thank my producer, the sound guys and of course my fans!

Ok, seriously, since my reengagement with forumosa this is my favourite. Its from a while back but I only read it last week and thought it was truly epic.

A Hong Kong Funeral

Introduction: The wife’s dad had been in hospital for a while. He was an old dude, and shuffled off his mortal coil, as is the wont of old dudes. Wife was understandably grief-stricken. Her: We have to go to Hong Kong next week for the funeral! Me: Fuck that shit. I Don’t do funerals. Let the dead bury the dead. I didn’t even go to my mother’s funeral! Her: It’s a family obligation. You’re married to the oldest child. You’re fucking going! Me: Ah, fuck it. But what do I wear? I don’t have a…

[TT]

Legendary

[user86]

You read that whole post? I’ve read novels that were shorter.

[Brianjones]

It’s more entertaining than a novel.