Throwing in the Towel

At a certain point in one’s life, one finds that it’s time to give up on dreams and aspirations of romance and in finding that one (or anyone for that matter). Despite my young age (they always said I was precocious),

I have reached that stage.

I find myself envisioning me ten years later, still sighing at the romantic parts of a movie where the guy turns around and comes running back or stands under her window professing his love in the driving rain, knowing that those things will never happen for me.

I’m giving up on hoping that perhaps Mr. Right might still be out there if I just look for him in the right place at the right time without knowing the where’s or when’s. Giving up on the thought that love, while not as blind as we would like it to be, is still forgiving on outer beauty when inner beauty shines.

I have taken all the romance and happily ever after’s that have been spoonfed to me from birth through adolescence all the way to adulthood. They have been dropped into the dumpsters of my building, along with browning banana peels and empty containers because truth be told, the later are more representative of my life than the former.

Yet deep down, like that spot in the middle of your back, I cannot reach the final weak glimmer of hope that it could happen…maybe just once to finally rid myself of such silly, and at times hurtful, nonsense.

How many times does you have to hear the word “no” before you finally take it seriously?

Is it just me or is it possible to truly and completely give up on the search for love, cause I’m ready to throw in my towel.

:frowning:

I see what you are saying. At times I feel like that too. All the good ones are taken and I don’t like fighting, and the rest are gay. I live life my way and if the right person comes along and accepts me for who I am and what I do, great. I don’t go out of my way looking for the right person. Life is too precious chasing the opposite sex around. Not worth it. I’d rather spend that time with things I love and love doing.

Keep your head up.

I would say “don’t” or part of you will die and you won’t ever get it back. 914 offers some good advice IMO.
I felt the same way you do throughout most of my twenties and all I can say from my experience is that things change, sometimes when you least expect them to. And unlike you, I’m a fugly mofo. Keep the faith.

From my experience, “giving up” on finding that right person for you is a good place to be. It’s when I’ve found a lot of focus on other things and been more content in my life. I think you raise an interesting question though. I’m not sure I’ve ever truly given up, maybe just spent more time considering what it’d be like to fly solo all throughout life and realising it’s not as scary as it may have once seemed.

Maybe I’m a closet optimist but I think it gives depth and new dimension to any future relationships to decide happiness is not entirely dependent on other people.

Now, that’s not true is it! I’m available! :smiley:

I say don’t give up, but don’t look so hard. It’s when we stop looking that we find what we had wanted all along. It’s like trying to tame an animal. We stop following it. We sit down. And we start to focus on something else, like enjoying the moment.

We often can’t find what we need when we’re looking for it. It’s like that set of keys or the leftover piece of cheesecake somewhere in the fridge. Change focus. Look ahead. It ain’t easy moving forward when you keep looking around. Better to let someone come to you when you’re going where you wanna be going, I say.

You have a lot going for you. Remember that. Note your good points. Attractiveness is a state of mind. Be happy. Men love happy women (makes our job a lot easier :wink: )

That’s all I have to say.

Now, I must go feed my bats …

You can stop looking for that – I had it ages ago. Thought you didn’t want it anymore on account of the mould. Sorry.

Love will find you when you stop looking for it.

You can stop looking for that – I had it ages ago. Thought you didn’t want it anymore on account of the mould. Sorry.[/quote]

You see! I totally ignore Sandman, but he follows me all over the forums! :s

I don

Always look on the briiiight side of life. :rainbow:

I can’t promise anything but this, if you smile at me, I will most assuredly smile right back atcha! :smiley:

Peace

Could it be that you don’t really want a relationship, but that you think you want it because you have been told you want it from an early age? I guess most people buy into the whole “love” thing, and even enjoy taking part in the rituals, but others find themselves being swept along by the process for years before realizing it’s not for them.

You grow up thinking you need to find “The One”. When you don’t find “The One” you feel dissatisfied. And then one day you realize that you never needed “The One” at all. You might be in the middle stage right now.
So there are only two options…if you are one of those who need the romance you’ll probably eventually find it, because you’re looking for it, and you’ll end up happy. If you’re one of those who don’t need it, and you realize you don’t need it (yet), then you’ll be happy too, because once you realize it you wake up every now and then reflecting on all the crap you went through to get to the point you’re at (dates, bad sex, etc.).
Either way you end up happy.

The only ones who end up miserable are the ones who don’t realize that they have no business being married to anybody, and spend the rest of their lives driving themselves and somebody else into a crazed depression.

[quote=“914”]I see what you are saying. At times I feel like that too. All the good ones are taken and I don’t like fighting, and the rest are gay. I live life my way and if the right person comes along and accepts me for who I am and what I do, great. I don’t go out of my way looking for the right person. Life is too precious chasing the opposite sex around. Not worth it. I’d rather spend that time with things I love and love doing.

Keep your head up.[/quote]

I feel a lot like ImaniOU most of the time, but your words of wisdom do tend to put things nicely in perspective… :bravo:

Thanks 914. :bouncy:

Um, yeah, I reached that point about 6 years ago, after 5 years alone. And again about 2 years ago, a few months after breaking up. That time I was pretty sure it was the end of my aspirations. Then I answered a Language Exchange posting on Forumosa, and got involved with AnimalsTaiwan, and everything changed. Not because I was looking for love, but because I was getting out there and doing things I loved doing. And I met someone who loves doing the same things. So that

ImaniOU,
To be very blunt - and deep down I think you know this - your chances in Taiwan are very close to zero. If finding romance is a priority, then you need to think about moving somewhere else.

As much as I enjoy your posts Imaniou I have to admit Almas John is probably right. There are places in the world where men aren’t so spoiled by an over abundance of attractive young women. I don’t know where exactly but there must be someplace. Alaska maybe.

It’s true. For a woman to find a satisfying relationship – long-term, marriage-type or similar – in Taiwan is difficult. Not saying there aren’t those who do it, but they are few an far between, between all the factors that have been discussed to death on this board before.

And the very real danger for women in Taiwan is to settle. “Well, this is about as good as it gets. I’ll take what’s on offer while it’s being offered.” DON’T!!

However – after being in Taiwan for over a decade, I came back to the US. I received an e-mail from a guy near my hometown in the US via an online dating site the same day I left Taiwan (picked it up in Hong Kong, in fact). I brushed the guy off claiming jet lag. Two weeks later I had coffee with him, and eight days ago I married him. So there. You never know.

His comment at one point was, “I never thought anything like this was in the cards for me.” And both of us are older than you, Imani. You just never know. Best thing is to stop trying so hard, IMHO. (And always answer ads politely, as your mother taught you, even if the guy looks like a sportscar-driving, completely-not-your-type a$$hole, as long as the written part is intriguing enough.) :smiley:

But let’s be fair. ImaniOU is not trapped here. She’s mobile, here by design, and can leave at any time for the places that may offer better things in romantic and other ways.

In the meantime ImaniOU, as Sarah Connor once said, “On your feet, soldier!

The “perfect mate” sees us when we are at our most confident and happy and will think “That’s the one, right there”. ImaniOU, get off your knees. Infect people with your charm and let the future take care of you.

Congratulations Ironlady!

ImanIOU, girl, you haven’t even reached your mid-twenties yet. I understand your frustration, but never never give up on your dreams. You still have a lot of time and a lot of hope! Keep your eyes and your heart open. He may or may not be in Taiwan, but then again your not planning to spend the rest of your life here are you?

Ironlady wrote [quote] and eight days ago I married him.[/quote]

Congratulations Ironlady!!! Be gentle with your new toy or you may break it before you’ve finished playing with it. :laughing:

Staying in Taiwan for us long-termers is easy, and we all make excuses to do so. I’m working on it, but I’m not financially ready. I really admire Ironlady for saying enough is enough and heading back to the West.

Likewise, ImaniOU you really need to have an exit strategy for Taiwan.

Holy shit, I totally misread that the first time and saw “eight days later”. I was like “Hmm, didn’t know she was married.” “Eight days ago”?! Congratulations!