To all respected members: I desperately need advice on a long-distance relationship

old

I’d ask her if she can at least wait for you until you can make your way over here. It’s not that long at least, and it would be a reasonable request.

I disagree. He met her in 2009 and had a 2 month relationship. It’s too late now; she has moved on.

OP needs to follow her example.

not a respected member, but nonetheless here are my two cents:

the phone shit, skype, MSN…whatever, it gets old, it gets stale and it cannot go the distance in saving a relationship.

she seems to be settling in back in Taiwan because that is more real to her. If you feel about her as you profess in your OP then you need to visit, see her face to face and find out where you stand. If you can’t come, buy her a ticket to visit you.

you will only sort this out in person.

And don’t worry about the Auntie and all the other family members, it ultimately comes down to what your girl wants.

I advice you to go to buy tickets to taiwan and come here even for a couple of days. believe me man, if you are in USa and she is here you would not be able to do anythyng. At least to extand her confusion about choice up to several monthes. Anyway, man, if you would not come here, she probably will choose those guy. Or at least if she would not come there. Image her situation. She is alone fighting against alal her family and against sociality around ( I am pretty sure her friends doesn’t feel much love to you and those new guy came from her friend community. Or something close to it). You are not first and not the last one in this situation. Even for a guys who stay in Taiwan and get local girlfriend sometimes diffucult to keep their girsl, because of family and other things. So… this is my advice. Come to Taiwan as quick as possible. even for a coule of days!

Wot those guys said. Unless you’re the CEO, your workplace isn’t going to fall apart if you take a week off. Just tell your boss you’re going. Even in third-world countries like America I’m pretty certain it’s illegal to fire people for taking their annual leave entitlement. To be honest, if your boss does have that attitude, you could just tell him to go f-ck himself and live here on your credit card or savings. You could scrape by on US$1000/month while you look for a teaching job. That takes some serious guts, of course - I must admit, I don’t think I could - but I’ve met people who have done exactly that.

Long distance relationships NEVER work - I managed it once, for about three months, ‘commuting’ at weekends, and then moved. That worked out just fine :slight_smile: If you’ve kept in contact for 18 months, there’s something there - but if you’re serious, do something about it.

Just be prepared for the fact that you might end up staying in Taiwan :wink:

Be also prepared for the fact that she MAY have moved on and doesn’t want to spell it out to you. Either way, you need to be here. If you tell her you’re coming over, she might finally 'fess up to save you the trouble and embarrassment. If she sounds pleased about it, that’s probably a good sign.

It’s scary - I’ve been in your shoes - but it’s a big adventure too.

old

old

Ignore him, he’s been in Taiwan too long, turning into a grumpy old git :wink: Just tell her you’re on the way. If she seems unenthusiastic or tries to dissuade you, there’s your answer. Frankly, “I will try” sounds like a bit like a “get lost” to me.

Still, you could always come to Taiwan anyway, and find a new one!

old

Well, it seems to me that I have read many stories of Taiwanese girls meeting western men in western countries . . . . . and then when the girl returns to Taiwan, the “western man” shows up at some point and quickly finds out that:
(1) the girl lives with her parents, and follows their lead in running her own life,
(2) the girl receives significant financial support from her parents, and depends on them emotionally as well,
(3) the parents do not approve of the girl dating western men,
(4) the parents have their own ideas of “suitable partners” for the girl.

If you do come to Taiwan, you certainly have to be aware of this possibility.

[P.S. For what it is worth, I have been married to a local Taiwanese lady for over 20 years, and we live in Taipei. When we first met it quickly became apparent that she did not have a good relationship with her father, and had “moved away” from home in middle school. Her mother had already died many years previously. Similar to many other western men, I viewed her “rebel attitude” as independence, and we struck it off nicely. Today, I am not so sure that I would evaluate things the same way. But in any event, if your prospective spouse is not the independent type, being accepted by the local Taiwanese family can be a tricky proposition.]

My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.

Good luck… the family thing will be hard to overcome.
But not impossible.

If you want it to work, I’d suggest for you to get your booty here ASAP.

Two years is a long time for a long-distance relationship. Long distance is notorious for destroying relationships. People feel lonely, meet new people, etc.

As indefinite LTR will pretty much always fail, but If you have a long term plan set out it can work. This couple did have a plan and she waited for so long, I’m surprised its failing now at the final hurdle.

But at the same time, reality has kicked in for her, this moving to US stuff became real and so did the fact that she had to tell her parents. How she initially dodged and delayed the marriage proposal also gives me some doubts.

Love is a fool’s errand. :grandpa:

I disagree. He met her in 2009 and had a 2 month relationship. It’s too late now; she has moved on.

OP needs to follow her example.[/quote]
I hate to say it, but I agree with CP. :2cents:

But who knows, recent history has shown that as soon as me make a “judgement” the other party comes on here and gives their side, proving us all wrong. So… :whistle:

Edit: And to the OP, you also mentioned you aren’t very young. If you are significantly older than she is that may also be a hurdle, for her parents, and at this point even for her. Also, if you are older and considering the job market in the US, I wouldn’t advise throwing cation to the wind and buggering up your employment over something that will most likely only end in heartache. I’m not being a knob, but I would hate to see you get burned or screwed over over something that is in all likelihood not going to go as you hoped or planned.

Yes. Someone needs to tell the OP that ‘She is just not into him’.

Yes. Someone needs to tell the OP that ‘She is just not into him’.[/quote]
Oh, yes. That book has seriously improved my life. LPZK44GL, go read it! Or watch the movie. Go, go, now! :slight_smile:

Yes. Someone needs to tell the OP that ‘She is just not into him’.[/quote]
Oh, yes. That book has seriously improved my life. LPZK44GL, go read it! Or watch the movie. Go, go, now! :slight_smile:[/quote]
Thank you for saying it. I didn’t want to be the one. :smiley: