Tommy's story

Life Dating & Relationships
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[quote=“Indiana”]You two are really cute together! From the way you described yourself in the past, Tommy, I pictured a short, pudgy, unattractive guy, but you’re quite the opposite…you’re very nice looking and you have a really nice, genuine smile! :slight_smile:

I enjoy reading your posts about how it’s going, so keep 'em coming! It’s all so exciting!

By the way, when are you tying the knot?[/quote]

:slight_smile: thank you ! Planning on getting married ASAP in the courthouse here in Martinez. Short and fast. Do the reception later when we have more time. She has exactly 90 days from 15 Sept to marry or else shes OUTA HERE. We can’t let that happen !

Or maybe in vegas? For a bit of a laugh? But the important thing is to hurry up and get signed up as married ASAP.

Thats what my half sister and her boyfriend (she met him on the net…hes english) did when he finally got over here on a fiance visa.

Thing is ten years on and they still havent had the wedding reception ! :noway: :smiley:

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[quote=“tommy525”][quote=“shiadoa”]the happy couple
[/quote]

Is that an Elephant trunk protruding from your trousers…or are you just happy to see her? :notworthy:[/quote]

uhm, no , its all a bit of false advertising. Just a fold in the pants thats all :laughing:[/quote]

Dude, I think Shiadoa was talking about the cloth at the bottom of her cardigan, not the fold in your pants !

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It’s her bag! Unfortunate angle there, Tommy. :laughing:

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Say Hi to Judge Bowen if you see him. (a friend of mine)

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Oh yes, a bag !!

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Haaha, those dang bags ! The fault must go to the photographer ! Who was this cute 20 something daughter of the korean couple . She offered to take our picture and I in turn took pics of her with her parents.

:slight_smile:

Fiancee wants to get married quickly so we can start applying for the green card so she can go back to Jakarta for a long visit. Shes missing home :frowning:

Although shes enjoying shopping at TJ MAX. Picked up a few nice items that wouldve cost more then then 190 bucks back home for sure .

Still hounding the cat around all day long. Hes lost a pound already ! And iv lost three pounds since she got here as well.

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[quote=“tommy525”]Fiancee wants to get married quickly so we can start applying for the green card so she can go back to Jakarta for a long visit. Shes missing home :frowning:
[/quote]

And how do you feel about that Tommy ?

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its going to take anywhere from six months to more then a year for her to get a green card i think.

would be reasonable to “release” her back to her family/country for a long visit after that time no?

Id be happy with that.

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That’s not that reasonable, Tommy. A visit to her mother, fair enough, but months away from her new husband? Be careful of your heart.

I don’t know how the law works in the US, but it also doesn’t exactly build the case that you are a genuine couple, in terms of immigration. Or is she already permanently ‘in’?

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Come on, the young woman is away from everything she knows, homesickness is to be expected. She lives halfway across the globe with a cat and a man she has not lived with before and does not know well yet. Sure she wants to go home to mummy.

I would still tell her that it was for a short visit, though.2-3 weeks in the summertime or whatever, she lives with you now, and that’s where her life is.

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And is she aware of that ?

If she is so homesick now, after just a couple of weeks, when you are doing so much to accommodate her, make her feel at home and show her the best of the wonderful place where you live, how do you think she is going to be in a year’s time ?

I promised you that I would not be judgmental or negative so I will try not to make any comments on my personal feelings, but I just want to know if this sets any alarm bells ringing within you as to the viability of your relationship long-term or whether in fact her love for you is even genuine ?

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Culture shock is to be expected, she will be down and homeless, then she will eventually adapt. I would not read too much into all that right now.

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Oh yeah she knows the program. NO worries. Meantime shes a happy camper. Cooking everyday, going out for walks, playing with the cat. Will get her set up with how to take the local bus to connect with BART. Which will expand her horizon.

And setting her up with an english class.

LIke i said, this was not entered into with NO plan lah :slight_smile:

I dont think its a problem for immigration if she goes back for a month or a wee bit more after near a year here?

You get a provisional green card which is valid for two years. Then after the two years is up, you can get a ten year green card. I think there is some sort of interview to get the ten year card. Because thats when they look at your two years together. Obviously if we end up spending most of the two years being apart. It will raise eyebrows at Immigration.

But i think a month is not bad, considering how far Jakarta is from San FRancisco !!

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I’m sure we can all remember how it felt to move abroad for the first time, away from everything we are accustomed to. It doesn’t matter how ‘comfortable’ your situation is overseas, you will still be homesick…horribly at first amongst unfamiliar surroundings…but it always gets better with time.

She is in very strange surroundings and also not in a situation where she simply went overseas for a short-term adventure / holiday / work stint; this is her new life. Psychologically, that can be a lot to handle at first I would think. But after the unfamiliar becomes familiar (months down the road probably), her homesickness is sure to abate quite a bit.

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[quote=“tommy525”]Oh yeah she knows the program. NO worries. Meantime shes a happy camper. Cooking everyday, going out for walks, playing with the cat. Will get her set up with how to take the local bus to connect with BART. Which will expand her horizon.

And setting her up with an english class.

LIke I said, this was not entered into with NO plan lah :slight_smile:

I don’t think its a problem for immigration if she goes back for a month or a wee bit more after near a year here?

You get a provisional green card which is valid for two years. Then after the two years is up, you can get a ten year green card. I think there is some sort of interview to get the ten year card. Because thats when they look at your two years together. Obviously if we end up spending most of the two years being apart. It will raise eyebrows at Immigration.

But I think a month is not bad, considering how far Jakarta is from San FRancisco !![/quote]

Hey, I’m not criticising, Tommy. We’ve known you here a long time (yeah, it’s Buttercup), and we are ‘defending’ you. Don’t see my concern as insulting you by considering you stupid, or hating on your partner. We just want you to be happy.

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[quote=“tommy525”]Oh yeah she knows the program. NO worries. Meantime shes a happy camper. Cooking everyday, going out for walks, playing with the cat. Will get her set up with how to take the local bus to connect with BART. Which will expand her horizon.

And setting her up with an english class.

LIke I said, this was not entered into with NO plan lah :slight_smile:

I don’t think its a problem for immigration if she goes back for a month or a wee bit more after near a year here?

You get a provisional green card which is valid for two years. Then after the two years is up, you can get a ten year green card. I think there is some sort of interview to get the ten year card. Because thats when they look at your two years together. Obviously if we end up spending most of the two years being apart. It will raise eyebrows at Immigration.

But I think a month is not bad, considering how far Jakarta is from San FRancisco !![/quote]

Of course the homesickness is understandable, especially in someone so young. Long-term, the green card should be something that empowers her to earn money so that she can afford to pay for the trips back to Jakarta herself, right ?

So she will not be able to work until she gets the green card, goes back home and enters the USA again, 1+ years down the line. In the meantime, she seems to be pretty fond of her shopping trips which you pay for, I assume ? Have you set a limit on the spending, and run through your household budget with her ?

You talk a lot about money in very specific and exact terms, so I am assuming that you don’t have an unlimited supply of it, you’re just a regular guy on a payroll.

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[quote=“Ermintrude”]Tom-ster, where I come from, there’s a saying. ‘Opinions are like arseholes: everyone’s got one but only sailors and southerners show it off’.

Don’t take any ‘shit’ from these internet jokers and have fun. Thems is some good looking trees you’ve got in SF.[/quote]

I see that you are offering your opinion as well now.

I am sure Tommy is old and wise enough to distinguish between the genuine people and the jokers. He knows that if he posts his story on a public forum that he is going to get opinions, advice, or some other kind of reaction. Otherwise, why post ?

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[quote=“Ermintrude”][quote=“tommy525”]Oh yeah she knows the program. NO worries. Meantime shes a happy camper. Cooking everyday, going out for walks, playing with the cat. Will get her set up with how to take the local bus to connect with BART. Which will expand her horizon.

And setting her up with an english class.

LIke I said, this was not entered into with NO plan lah :slight_smile:

I don’t think its a problem for immigration if she goes back for a month or a wee bit more after near a year here?

You get a provisional green card which is valid for two years. Then after the two years is up, you can get a ten year green card. I think there is some sort of interview to get the ten year card. Because thats when they look at your two years together. Obviously if we end up spending most of the two years being apart. It will raise eyebrows at Immigration.

But I think a month is not bad, considering how far Jakarta is from San FRancisco !![/quote]

Hey, I’m not criticising, Tommy. We’ve known you here a long time (yeah, it’s Buttercup), and we are ‘defending’ you. Don’t see my concern as insulting you by considering you stupid, or hating on your partner. We just want you to be happy.[/quote]

Buttercup?? Well HOWDY DOODIE. LONG time no see ! :smiley:

Oh , i wasn’t in the least bit insulted, because i didnt read any of that in your lines.

No worries.

YEs its really quite a big leap for her and so far shes taking it really well. Thank God for skype and the ability to chat hours on end with her buds and family back home. Which she does for hours a day.

And that helps a lot.

Its all still fresh and all. The overall outlook remains good .

Of course a year from now we will see if its all a well oiled machine or shes already abandoned the boat and fled home or what? :noway:

Or i will be the hen pecked husband who decides to escape to BORNEO or something !

She CANT LEAVE until she gets her green card, but I could escape to BORNEO !

Send the Orangutans after me will ya?

To be honest although CAlif has really been my second home for a long time. When i was essentially exiled from the rock in 99 , it was really hard for me to adjust to being here in cAlif on a “permanent” basis. Took me years before I really felt i was “home”.

I didnt return to taiwan for ten years, making a visit in 2009.

Really hated to get on the plane to come back to cAlif. Same when i came back in 2012.

But funny thing was when the plane landed in SFO, i actualy felt i was “home”.

p.s. right now shes yakking away in indonesian to her buds/family back home. And shes having a fun convo.

Sometimes i picture if this is what it sounds like with head hunters in Borneo or Irian Jaya? haha

Actually the indo language is rather pleasant sounding to me.

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Shopping wise. I told her to bring only one bag. Because she could have brought two bags without going overweight. But that is not going to stop her from shopping when she got here.

Yes im just a regular joe, so yes, not unlimited funds by all means.

The good news is that shes young enough to be happy to visit the mall and get two pairs of jeans for 29 for one and the other at 10 dollars sale. Do her shopping at TJ MAX and ROSS and pay 1/3 the price of the goods. LIke this real nice jumper we got yesterday that is listed at 119 at DKNY but 49.99 at ROSS.

So shes really only bought a few things she needed. Some clothes, some sandals, a pair of Puma jogging shoes and the like.

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Tommy,

It’s great to hear and see you so happy. Ignore the Debbie Downers.

Here’s some helpful pointers on Indo culture for Bule

youtube.com/watch?feature=p … rKCaMdzAwY

I’m told her Indo is really good.