Forumosans familiar with my nom-de-plume will know (from my response to TomHill’s recent topic) that I’m getting over an intense and confusing love relationship. Part of the rehabilitation is to become articulate about what happened, my feelings, etc.
Part is also making the effort to talk to more people about personal things. So I’ve talking to many Taiwanese women I know, and I find there are two descrptions that are used over and over regarding relationships: “too nice” and “charming”. These descriptions are used by women who don’t know each other so they must be ‘categories’ built up from two ordinary adjectives snatched from English vocabulary. I myself have been described as “charming” many times and told that therfore I will be well liked, and I am. But nobody had told me what counts as “charming”.
Also I’ve heard women say of this or that guy: “He’s too nice” or I’ve been warned “Don’t be too nice. Women don’t like that.” or “He got his heart broken because he was too nice.” And again, I don’t know exactly what counts as “too nice”. I have a sense, but it’s only a vague sense.
(And, yes, of course I’m thinking that in my case SHE got involved with me because I am charmng but then finally dumped me because I’m too nice.)
Are there readers out there who use these categories regularly and can tell me what they mean, concretely? Surely, it can’t be that women want me to be nice up to a point and then mean and rotten! It may mean that the guy seems to be simple-minded? Or one-dimensional?
This is fact: Women enjoy riding an emotional roller coaster. The problem with a relationship that is “too nice” is that the roller coaster runs on a completely flat track. You gotta dump her, tell her she’s not measuring up in one way or another, come home drunk one night and pass out in your own puke … that last is one of my favorites. Now none of this is meant to give her the ultimate “goodbye,” but to fulfill her need for emotional turbulence … it will draw her closer, trust me.
I don’t know where you are in your current relationship so hard to give specific advice. Generally a good rule of thumb with a new relationship though, is to tell her ‘goodbye’ as soon as you’ve been on 2-3 dates and she displays any budding attachment to you. The make up sex will be awesome.
Not every woman likes drama in their lives (although quite a few do). Drama to me has always been the ultimate turn-off and the green light to break up. I quite like normalcy and amicable relations without turbulence, and a lot of other women I know do, too.
Yeah. But OP wasn’t asking about you, or about what every woman likes, but thanks.
And anyway, what many women think they like, and what they most gravitate toward, are wholly separate things. Something tells me you are ‘still looking,’ or perhaps you’ve given up.[/quote]
I smell a self-professed expert!