Triple Standards: Mormons v. Mongols v. Mongrels of the World

Am I the only one who has been struck by the striking parallels and glaring incongruities between the mormons, Mongols and mongrels of the world?

The mormons forsake alcohol, coffee and tea, but will chastely gather for Family Home Evenings, perhaps dunking oreos in glasses of milk as they play scrabble and recite the fables of mighty Joseph, the father of it all. Mongols on the other hand, are more likely to spend the evening huddled in a sheepskin yurt, drinking strong black tea and potato vodka, while imbibing bloody heaps of mutton and singing epic songs of the heroic Genghis Khan. Mongrels, on the third hand, are more likely to just sit and scratch.

While they appear on the surface to be as different as tits and tofu, upon closer examination the similarities are striking. All three groups are covered with hair, though admittedly it tends to be thickest on mongrels, somewhat thinner on Mongols and to recede on the brow of most Mormons. They all scratch from time to time and sometimes will dream, though the subject of such dreams varies from ancient heroes to mutton bones to just sniffing the butt of a bitch depending on who is doing the dreaming. And not to be overlooked, they all start with the letter “M,” which is often a noble letter, found in words such as “Mighty,” “Mambo” and “to the Max,” but is sometimes found in less worthy places such as mangy, morbid and mitochondria (not that I have anything against mitochondria, I just don’t see them as particularly grand and mighty).

So in conclusion, I think we all should think twice before casting aspersions on Mormons, Mongols and Mongrels. They’re not as similar (or as different) as we sometimes might think and in any event the casting of aspersions is not something that should be done lightly, or at all in some cases. Thank you for your consideration.

Ahhh… Humour. What a great invention that was.

But . . . but . . . mitochondria are the powerhouse of the cell, the foundation of our very being.


And what’s the difference between tits and tofu, apart from the nipples?

Fortunately I’ve never come across a stinky tit.


And what’s the difference between tits and tofu, apart from the nipples?

Fortunately I’ve never come across a stinky tit.
Try smelling the breast of a mongrel.

. . and I guess a Mongol yurt, which does look like a tit, smells pretty damned rank after the occupants have had a big night on fermented mares milk.

Thanks for clarifying.


Mother Theresa,

Permit me to applaud you for sharing such illuminating insights into Mormons, Mongols, and mongrels. You have cast precious light on a subject that was previously shrouded in darkness. I, for one, owe you a great debt of gratitude for opening my eyes to the deeply significant implications of your remarkable thesis.

However, I feel it is incumbent on me to point out that there are as many different kinds of tofu as there are different kinds of tits, and that not all kinds of tofu are necessarily all that much different from all kinds of tits.

Nevertheless, the compelling persuasiveness of your conclusions is not in any way undermined by so minor a quibble, and you deserve the highest commendation for making so profound a contribution to an area of scholarship that has hitherto been lamentably neglected by the academic community. I thank you with all my heart, and would kiss the very ground you stand on if my mum hadn’t raised me to never even contemplate doing anything that would look so ridiculous and could easily result in my ingesting something dirty and getting an upset tummy or worse.

Aw shucks, it’s not much Omni, just a few thoughts I was pondering. As for the ground kissing, I guess there’s nothing ignoble about that. Just look at James Soong, who’s on his knees more than a penitent prostitute (or an unpenitent one for that matter).

Hybrids and Mongrels Compared, Independently of Their Fertility

Excerpt from Darwin, Charles Robert. Origin of Species, The Harvard Classics. 1909

[quote]Thanks for clarifying.

Thats what I said to the ghee.


MT, I’ll have to pass this along to the LDS church website discussion board. I’m sure they’ll be interested in it there :laughing:

You may find two strapping lads at your doorstep in the near future, looking to explore with you your newfound feelings about the Mormon church and its connections with similarly-spelled entitites.

Have you been hitting the happy weed a bit hard lately? :smiley:

Actually, interesting thing about yin and yang, tomas, I think I may be getting a bit goofy from the absence thereof. Just too much work.

Incidentally, there are even mormons in mongolia.

yes, but…mormons refer to themselves as the church of latter day saints, abbreviated as LDS.

let us pause to ponder the metaphysical synergies inherently manifesting themselves between LDS and LSD. religion is the opiate of the masses and if you are gonna be mass delusional LSD is trustworthy as anything to invest your faith (and that of your deceased forebearers) in.

me? i’d take some potent ADSL over LDS/LSD most regularly. it is easy to find LDS over here. LSD is a bit trickier and ADSL? they won’t even let me have it in my house.

MT, and skeptic yank…
No offense to Tomas and any other Mormons (or Mongols or mongrels) on here, but that is the funniest shit I’ve read in a long time.

By the way, sandman. If I found a tit floating in my bowl of kimchi, I’d be more than alarmed.

[quote=“ImaniOU”]MT, and skeptic yank…
No offense to Tomas and any other Mormons (or Mongols or mongrels) on here, but that is the funniest shit I’ve read in a long time.


I am not a Mormon. I am a former Mormon. You’re allowed to leave.

MT, one of my Mormon friends has a brother who is a missionary in Mongolia. Mormon missionaries are not allowed in China, though the church has been eyeing it hungrily for some time.