Hello All,
I’m torn between two worlds. That of living in Taiwan with my TW girlfriend I’ve dated for the last 3.5 years and that of living a single and lucrative life in the US.
I have 7 years of health care education behind me. In order to make good money I need to get back to school for three more years. My gf is the only child and she refuses to leave her parents behind, even for me, and come live with me in the US. In addition, she said she won’t wait much longer for me since she wants to get married soon ( TW culture thing). I have attempted to live in TW before teaching English but I hated the job. It made my life more miserable than I’ve ever been. So I came back to the States. I have credit card debt. Enough to get me working two full time jobs to pay it all back. I know I can’t afford to live in TW with my debt with me. I’ll be paying it all off for many years on TW’s salary. What about kids and other financial means? I’ll be an even bigger slave in TW.
Now, my gf suggests I use my time in the US to pay off my credit card debt. It should take me 1.5 years max. Then, she says, I can work with her Dad in TW given his business is still going. It’s not a restaurant or night market job. It’s a business involving technology. I would be working with designs using Auto Cad. Her Dad jumped in and offered help when my gf told her parents I will come back in 2012. Given I don’t find other jobs in TW, of course.
I have thought about bankruptcy. But, if the plan in TW back-fires (like the teaching job plan) and I want to go back to school I won’t be able to get a grad school loan.
Under all circumstances refuses to come here, even if it’s temporary ( for the time it would take for me finish school), and that all SHE wants is to be with me regardless the job I do in TW. Shouldn’t love be mutual and not so one sided?
So, my question is what do you suggest I do? Go back to school in the US and stay in the US but separate with my gf? Or, stay with my gf and give up my career living in TW?
Thanks for your time!
Stay in the US. If I could have a real career in my home country, I wouldn’t waste my time teaching English in a buxiban. Even the job with her father may not work out. IF you have a real career plan and a realistic chance of a job when you graduate, I’d stay in the USA.
Whatever she says, you won’t be fit to live with if you’re absolutely miserable in your job.
Is completing your education going to lead to a decent job you’ll enjoy? Will you make enough coin to get out from under that rock?
‘Looking after number one’ sounds egotistical: it needn’t be. It’s a matter of ‘first things first’. Think in those terms and I think you answer the “Shouldn’t love be mutual and not so one sided?” question.
For your gf, her first obligation is to her family. Her choice. Or perhaps, her reality. Just the way it is. Within that reality, they’re willing to help, but that’s Square One.
For you? Is it going to be your relationship with her, your life day-by-day, your financial obligations, your education/potential…?
You already chose to leave Taiwan for the US because you were miserable in Taiwan. You’ve already made your choice, haven’t you?
I sure wouldn’t declare bankruptcy just to expedite a marriage. It’s dishonest and definitely no way to start things. Also, while you may have 7 years of medical education under your belt, the most valuable thing you’ll ever own BY FAR is your own reputation and the self-respect banked in it.
Don’t second guess yourself, you’ve already know what the future holds in Taiwan and unfortunately it ain’t pretty. You’d be better off to get your career going in the US.
It sounds to me from your post like you already made your decision. Stay in the US. Your gf doesn’t sound much of a catch if she can’t even follow you for a year or two (especially since most Taiwanese people think the US is ShangRi-La). The parents thing is just an excuse - yes, kids look after their parents if they’re old and decrepit, but it sounds like hers are in the prime of life. Likewise the marriage thing; she’s seriously saying she’ll give up what is (presumably) a good relationship to marry some random guy just because the clock is ticking? Find a gf with some opinions of her own, or you’ll regret it later.
And please don’t ever get into that amount of debt again, because as you’ve noticed, it severely limits your options. I know how that feels.
Good luck, and hope you can come back to Taiwan one day under more salubrious circumstances
The situation where one person has to give up something very important to them in order to continue the relationship is not a good way to start a marriage. You both want/need very different things. Better to call it quits now and take the pain for the long term gain.
Honestly, I think you should stay in the U.S because if you do something agaisnt what you really want to, well at the end you’ll feel frustrated and all will end, so why make it longer? now you are entering to another stage in your life and well people come and go but we need to keep growing as person and right now, you had your taiwanese dream you thought you were going to live happily, very laid-back, familiar environment but then you realize you want to approach more so you are evolving, girls come and go, your knowledge stays forever. And she’s being selfish if she can’t sacrifice a couple of years to wait for you.
This doesn’t sound like an equitable relationship. That she is not willing to spend any time at all in the US to make this work while you’re trying to move heaven and earth is a HUGE red flag. Keep your career and stay stateside.
It’s more than slightly strange that a girl would not want to go live in the US for a while. Most taiwanese either have permanently moved to US, or want to.
When we tell Taiwanese people that we have moved from Australia to Taiwan, usually their first question (after making a WTF face) is “Why would you want to do that?”
If you couldn’t work for a school, working for her dad’s company might not work as well; its taiwanese culture… dont you see drop-tired faces everywhere? I understand you are worried about emotional stuff but in my point of view you should go back, finish your school, get strong financially, and pay off all debts.
[quote=“pqkdzrwt”]It’s more than slightly strange that a girl would not want to go live in the US for a while. Most taiwanese either have permanently moved to US, or want to.
When we tell Taiwanese people that we have moved from Australia to Taiwan, usually their first question (after making a WTF face) is “Why would you want to do that?”[/quote]
Yes they say that but there are a huge amount of people in Taiwan who would never emigrate permanently either, the parents generally don’t want to see their kids emigrating and will do their best to block it in many cases.
Stay in the US. No girl is worth it. You’ll just be miserable here. You’ll find someone else. Believe me, there are tons of people out there. She’s not willing to compromise. She wants it her way, so the hell with her. Stay in the US with your lucrative job and be happy.
Stay in the US. Any marriage you have to her will also mean being married to her parents, so much deeper and in so many more ways than you would ever have believed possible.
Once your career is on its upside the women will come. Plus if she’s really into you she’d consider waiting for a few more years or at least visiting the states for a bit. Health care is good money when done right, and if her father’s business was doing well she wouldn’t worry so much about (leaving) them.
My advice is to find a nice Taiwanese bird in the United States. Then you can kill to birds with one stone. Plus you won’t have to convince her to move to the US.
