Never keep more that 99NT worth of change in your pocket or coin purse at one time. That’s just common sense.
A bit of etiquette advice here:
Gentlemen, the toilet is not a water cooler. During the process of relieving oneself, or while washing one’s hands, it is OK to offer a brief nod or grunt to ones colleagues; perhaps even a few mumbled words. But it is NOT the place for long-drawn-out gossipy chats. That is unseemly.
And similarly, the watercooler is not a toilet. So stop farting around.
Never EVER get in a taxi driven by a monkey. Take it from someone who knows.
When beginning a night of drinking, try to hold your first pee for as long as possible - it helps determine how often you’ll have to go for the rest of the night.
Never, ever stuff a live weasel down your pants. Trust me on this one.
According to Syd the Sexist in Viz magazine, eight pints is the minimum before the first pish, or else you’re a poof.
According to Syd the Sexist in Viz magazine, eight pints is the minimum before the first pish, or else you’re a poof.[/quote]
Ah, Sid…
A can of sardines immediately before a night on the piss works wonders. Or so I hear.
[quote=“joesax”]A bit of etiquette advice here:
Gentlemen, the toilet is not a water cooler. During the process of relieving oneself, or while washing one’s hands, it is OK to offer a brief nod or grunt to ones colleagues; perhaps even a few mumbled words. But it is NOT the place for long-drawn-out gossipy chats. That is unseemly.[/quote]
And the water doesn’t taste as good there.
I’m no doctor, but I really don’t think it’s a good idea to eat that.
I wouldn’t even pick it up.
OK, fine, your funeral.
[quote=“the chief”]I’m no doctor, but I really don’t think it’s a good idea to eat that.
I wouldn’t even pick it up.
OK, fine, your funeral.[/quote]
3 second rule, surely?
If your wife is planning to get fake boobs, suggest that she waits until after she has finished having children.
[quote=“Edgar Allen”][quote=“the chief”]I’m no doctor, but I really don’t think it’s a good idea to eat that.
I wouldn’t even pick it up.
OK, fine, your funeral.[/quote]
3 second rule, surely?[/quote]
Like I said, I’m no doctor.
Check with McCoy.
If that blasted transporter’s working, that is.
[i]Do Not[/i] drink with angry midgets.
Nothing good ever comes of it.
(I know I’ve posted this before…it’s still true)
Do not apply sunblock to one’s forehead before diving, as it tends to seep down into one’s eyes causing much consternation.
I write this after a weekend where I got a sunburn from my underwater activities.
What do you do apart from that?
[quote=“Mr He”]I write this after a weekend where I got a sunburn from my underwater activities.
What do you do apart from that?[/quote]
You’re soliciting advice, vacate the thread.
F’ing Scandos…
Or driving. Found out the hard way while riding a motorcycle in the hills of Koh Phangan. 
Dudley Moore’s character in “Best Defense” gives this gem as an example of the wisdom he’d like to pass on to a son, should he be so fortunate: “Fat girls tend to come a lot.” (I made the mistake of nudging my date as we watched it. Unfortunately she was ashamed both of her weight, and of having sex before marriage.)