I contracted genital herpes a year ago, and aside from dealing with the initial shock and reading all I can about it, I haven
Look, I’m stumped as to what to say to you Funk, but hang in there. I don’t think anyone is going to bash you for contracting herpes…although they may very well bash the guy who gave them to you…
Peace 
jds
BTW, anyone think this belongs in the Health forum?
:bravo: Hahaha… :bravo:
Yes.
jd: This person seems to be looking for ways to deal with the relationship consequences of having herpes, not simply the medical aspects. So, although there may be an overlap of a “health” theme, it also is very relevent to dating and relationships. As far as I’m concerned, it can stay here.
Erhu
D&R Mod
[quote=“Erhu”]jd: This person seems to be looking for ways to deal with the relationship consequences of having herpes, not simply the medical aspects. So, although there may be an overlap of a “health” theme, it also is very relevent to dating and relationships. As far as I’m concerned, it can stay here.
Erhu
D&R Mod[/quote]
Ok, Erhu. You’ll get no complaint from me. 
All I can say is that I respect the fact that you care, WhatTheFunk?, about not wanting to let anyone else catch this. Obviously you have more respect for others than whoever gave you this. That’s to be commended.
Is a condom enough to stop it being spread? I ask because I don’t know.
A condom can reduce the risk, but there is a chance it can be spread through surrounding skin not covered by the condom and also through fluids/sweat etc.
The doctors I have spoken with all seem to have the same attitude. “Just use a condom and you’ll be right”…but when I ask if that will guarantee to prevent spreading herpes they got into the whole…“well no, there’s no guarantee, blah, blah, blah…”
My own opinion - I WISH I HAD USED A CONDOM!
there’s no guarantee that a condom will prevent the spread of AIDS either.
Maybe, but people can have it–and pass it on–without having any noticable symptoms.
(Ditto on the commendation, though.)
Sorry I don’t have anything to offer the OP. Have you tried online support groups?
Maybe, but people can have it–and pass it on–without having any noticable symptoms.
(Ditto on the commendation, though.)
Sorry I don’t have anything to offer the OP. Have you tried online support groups?[/quote]
Good point jeff. I didn’t think of that.
I’ve been through all that - the embarrassment, WHY-ME-stage, anger etc etc. It’s bloody difficult. And I understand the OP’s frustration.
80% of people with genital herpes don’t know that they have it - they never develop symptoms but can still infect others. And no regular health check tests you for herpes, which means that any one of you could have it. At least every 5th one of you has it (according to statistics).
If you need any help on this matter, just PM me. I don’t feel like talking about my intimate life on the public forum. (And I’m a girl too, btw.)
If you have ever had a cold sore then you have herpes… no big deal really… not going to kill you all of a sudden, and as Notsu says… 20% of humans have it and many do so without knowing about it.
I wish you all the best with what you are going through. I can’t offer much advice or say I know how you feel but I have known a few people who have STD’s and their dating life hasn’t stopped. All I can say is be honest and direct when dealing with a future mate. You could also hit up yahoo or google and type in singles with STD’s or STD personals and you will get a lot of site’s listings. You may feel like you are alone, but you are not, and their are others out there who you can meet and understand what it’s like trying to find love with an STD.
What are your questions exactly? It seems to me that you are wondering: 1) When do I tell the person that I am dating? 2.) How do I tell the person that I am dating? There seems to be quite a bit of anxiety and resentment with these two questions? Am I missing anything?
Sometimes it helps to identify your fears/shame/feelings surrounding having herpes. Good for you that you are speaking out loud on this forum: you are NOT the only person who has it. There are people who have genital herpes and are in happy, fulfilling and committed relationships.
Have you ever been to a support group or a therapist to process some of this stuff? If not, it really does help to have someone walk with you through this process. Take gentle care.
Thanks to everyone who replied to my post.
I’ve since been online looking at support groups and there is alot out there. Hey, what do you know…I’m not alone after all! 
I’m embarrased for sharing this part of my life on a public forum, but then again it worked. I’m not stuck trying to deal with this on my own anymore. (and there is some saving grace in being anonymous 
)
Thanks again Forumosans!
-WTF
Well if it makes you feel better. Hepatitis is also a STD and a very good portion of the population on Taiwan that is sexual active have it.
For the OP:
If you’re a woman with HSV, assuming that your partner uses condoms consistently and you try to abstain from sex during obvious breakouts (you’ll learn to recognize the prodrome or feeling of an oncoming outbreak, most likely) the chances of infecting a partner are really very small. Female to male transmission rates are lower than male to female anyway; I’ve found figures like 4% with no protection and only abstaining when it’s obviously not a good idea. Most people will take that kind of chance with birth control without even thinking about it. Other posters earlier on are correct – the virus can be transmitted through skin contact of areas not covered – but like anything else you have to consider the relative risks. Otherwise no one would ever drive a car, fly in an airplane, or eat chou doufu.
If you choose to go on suppressive therapy (not likely in Taiwan though) the chances of an outbreak generally go way down. There is still a small chance that you might be shedding virus asymptomatically on any given day, but there is also the chance that your partner might be run down by the 237 Bus while crossing Roosevelt Road on any given day (and given how they drive, the latter is probably more likely to occur. Tell 'em to look both ways.) 
I’m pretty sure this has been mentioned in another herpes thread, but there are 2 types of herpes virus that can cause geneital and oral outbreaks: HSV-1 and HSV-2. HSV-2 is the one usually associated with genital, but it can also cause oral outbreaks. HSV-1 is usually associated with oral, but it can also cause genital herpes. However, HSV-1 tends to cause fewer recurrent genital outbreaks than does HSV-2. There are immunologic herpes tests out there that can tell which type you have, even if you don’t have symptoms.