Just wondering if there is a general feeling towards foreigners that are young and divorced? Its not like I go around announcing it to everyone and anyone. No one at my school knows, but if it slips one day (that i mention my ex husband) will my job be threatened? The ladies I work with are great, we have girls nights out (to night markets, dinner, movie, etc.) but only my roommate knows about my ex. Even back home, if people found out i’m divorced, i get this pity thing and its really not needed…i’m WAYYYY better off now, and i’m still young…well…youngish…so i have lots of time to date and what not. So any ideas?
Since 50 percent of marriages end in divorce there is no social stigma associated with divorce. Within Taiwan, there still
I would just do what they do here and keep it a dirty little secret and don’t let it slip out.
You’ll get the pity thing, but not much worse than that, I’d think.
And now I read this after making anew thread… lol
I think you jusdt have to treat divorce as a natural part of life. Many Chinese people think that I must have been the good party of the marriage as my son lives with me. I’m male so a lot of assumptions here. A divorced male whose children live with the mother is automatically the bad guy, must have been caught screwing around. A divorced father who has his children must have married a nasty woman.
If your divorced without children they probably assume it’s your fault for not popping out the children if your a woman.
I’m re-married and when we all go out together strangers always ask personal questions. Hold old is your son? 13… How long have you been married, 2 yearsI reply … lol My son calls my wife Momma… theyget along great…
So 13 year old son, married 2 years… damned foreigners always live together before marriage… damn, damn , damn… better not let their kids learn that one lol.
discrimination? no. pity? yes. If you’re Taiwanese, and you get some sympathy, soon enough you will have an army of old women to look dates for you (literally). Not sure about the case of foreigner.
the divorce rate is getting quite high here. it’s becoming fairly commonplace. i doubt anyone will be shocked or disdainful but you can expect some personal questions as to how it happened–the taiwanese love talking about this stuff, particularly women, ha ha. as the female party you have the edge here on sympathy.
I was filing my taxes yesterday and claim my divorced parents, and the counterstaff took it upon themselves to insult my family as being really screwed up. These shitheads have a long way to go.
well, some of them are just think western marriage are screwed up in general, yes there is a long way to go in that area.
I think that all adults should get married and divorced as many times as possible…this is called serial monogamy…and then use this pattern as living proof that they are more ‘normal’ and stable than people like me who are never married.
We are now entering the age of ‘serial monogamy’…
Canadian gurl,
I sympathize with your situation as I too am a divorced foreigner. Which is worse? To be a foreign divorced man? or woman?
Taiwanese have taught me that it’s ok to lie and keep it a secret. Especially when older people are curious about you.
Example: I and my daughter make small talk with an older shopkeeper and his family. The ama asks “Where is the child’s mother?” (Some people completely ignore me and ask my daughter this question in Chinese ! :fume: ) I reply “I don’t know. I am divorced”
With a look of disgust on her face “OH! YOu are a bad man! Why did you divorce?”
Here’s another: I am friends with a family – 3 adult daughters. I have maybe spent more time with the mother and father than any of the daughters. I take my daughter to their place and help them sometimes with their weekend business (bbq in a tourist area).
One day I told them I wanted to treat them to dinner. I invited my friend Andy from Tainan. He almost ten years older than me and has never been married. When they found out, they immediately smiled and suggested he let them introduce him to a local girl (aborginal). Andy was happily surprised and said “sure! But what about Dempsey (me)? He likes Aboriginal ladies too.”
They lost their smiles and didn’t reply directly. The mother said something to me about …“your laopuo”. I could have cried! These people have heard me say ‘i am divorced’. What was going on?
Later, one of the daughter’s used this phrase with me too – ‘your laopuo’. I corrected her and said “Did you forget I am divorced?” (We had known each other for more than a year and she knew everything about my life already) She answered “Whatever.” I later learned that many Taiwanese are not comfortable saying “ex-wife” and they would rather say “laopuo”.
Anyway, it is a serious stigma in Taiwan to be divorced. Most divorce Taiwanese do come out and say it. They would rather say “My husband is in China.”
As far as friends who you already know are reasonable people, or generally, friends under 40 — it’s alright to tell them. But strangers ? If you tell them you are divorced, you just open yourself up to criticism or insults.
A Taiwanese divorced man, aged 50 +, told me: "When they ask ‘are you married?’ I make a long face and say “no, I am divorced.” Then I just keep a sad face and hope they get the hint to drop it. Otherwise they will ask “why did you get divorced?” etc.
Diego, are you aware that some of these threads that you’re resurrecting are very old? I don’t think canadian girl hears you anymore, dear.
[quote=“tash”]Diego, are you aware that some of these threads that you’re resurrecting are very old? I don’t think canadian girl hears you anymore, dear.[/quote]Don’t be a meanie, others can still read it. It’s a valid topic and it’s better than starting a new thread.
Actually, I wasn’t trying to be mean (this time) at all. I quite like the fact that some of these old threads showed up again.
I was just genuinely trying to save Diego from goin on and on before he realized what he was doing (if he didn’t know already).
If I could, I would have done it in a PM, but I’m all maxed out.
I think its the “nothing substantial to add” part that’s pertinent here. Diego added something substantial I suppose, so that would make it cool.
I think its the “nothing substantial to add” part that’s pertinent here. Diego added something substantial I suppose, so that would make it cool.[/quote]
Ai-yo! Am I speaking Croatian today?!?!
I meant I want to point out to Diego that there’s probably no point in addressing his post to “Canadian gurl” as he did.
I was not talking about da rulez. When have you ever seen me go around pointing out rules to people?
I’m wondering what they would think of my grandparents and parents being divorced?
I’m hoping I can avoid that by staying with my gf a long time before i finally get married - want to make sure…
Ah yes, I see. I just saw Matthew’s post and felt compelled to join in. Like chickens kept to close to each other, you know? My brain isn’t too big. I operate on a fairly basic level.
[quote=“Ian_Alexander”]I’m wondering what they would think of my grandparents and parents being divorced?
I’m hoping I can avoid that by staying with my gf a long time before i finally get married - want to make sure…[/quote]
Just to stay on the safe side:
Everyone in your family is either single, happily married or their spouse is dead.
'nuff said.
And sure as shit if a new thread had been started some helpfull soul would be directing Diego here anyway.