Weren’t the SATC writers all gay? I thought that was the in-joke of SATC, the characters were all gay caricatures of women. The voracious sex obsessed woman. The uptight about sex woman. The frigid woman… It was all basically stereotypes of women from the viewpoint of gay men.
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After spending my entire adult life here and going through the ringers i have come to a very nice head space. Basically you need to be you. If people dont like it, let them not like it and not be part of your life. Many of the cultural issues experienced within taiwan (not speaking of western people at all) is due to people enabling it. In chinese we call them “ostrich”. Burry their heads [in the sand]. Or, “pussies”, back in the west.
Stand up for yourself. Never allow the conversation to be pushed into your western its different. Thats total bullshit. I find a topic, depending on the person im talking to, and make a relevant example. Generally here we are to follow chinese tradition. So when they get their panties in a knot about something like marriage i ask the oldest, bossiest looking person a few questions: Traditionally we should have our family arrange our marriage? Meaning my parent should pick my future husband or wife? Yes or no?
If i dont live with the person before marriage, how do we know if we can live for 60 years together? If we follow your aranged style, do you agree we can get divorced after if it doesnt work out? If no, maybe we should live together first. Ea or no?
Why do you complain about grandma so much when you talk to us in exactly the same manner?
Etc etc. Make it polite but kind of passive aggressive with a good point.
To all my foreign friends getting marrried here i always have one piece of advice: get married to someone with no family or live on the other side of the country. The problem with taiwanese relationships, regardless of with a foreigner or not, is that people here are more sheep like and follow. Then complain and gossip with their friends before having to go back home before 10pm and live like a well trained dog. Probably still a good 80 to 90 percent of taiwanese wives have this exact scenario. Its sad, dysfuntional and nothing to do with the west. People here despise it as well. But very few people have the balls to stand up to it. If you let them (family, work etc) step over you from the start, good luck. Humans have a social structure much like monkeys and dogs. Acting in those structures exlains what we see throughout the world, no matter how high and mighty we might think we are…we are simple.
My suggeation is be strong on points and leave culture out of the conversation. It causes face saving and excuses. Right is right, wrong is wrong. Canada shuld not even enter the conversation. If they bring it up, shut them down fast: “so you dont agree we should discuss our problems and understand each other and be happy afterwards?” Ask it as if they only have one answer. Almost always works if your chinese is good and word it appropriately for the verbal assult you are in.
Or move. Its a wonderful but frustrating place if you value freedom and thinking.
If a person has the patience, taiwanese are actually quite open. But they are also very egotistical so it takes care and time to match their wavelengths which becomes extremely tiring. If they reapect you its faster. And if you have money they respect you faster.
If i ever go through a wedding again there will be a 50 person limit, no excuses. If people dont like it, just dont come…not your day. Weddings are incredibly cruel to the couple to the point of near pre divorce.
Welcome home 
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I would say I am in the same group you are, but I’m not bothered by any of the stuff you mentioned.
- Communication - Are you trying to win a debate or something? I just agree with whatever the Taiwanese person is saying and then they are happy…What’s the big deal?
- People don’t help strangers cause they might get sued.
- Weddings - If your parents paid for the wedding then they have control. If you paid for it then tell them to shove it.
- No comment
- Doesn’t matter that students answer eagerly. The truth is that students here don’t. You’re trying to monitor how another person behaves now?
- Age hierarchy - It exists here. Pretty sure you knew that from living with your family or doing a simple google search. You went against it and got smashed.
- Mandarin - if you want people to know you’re not from TW, speak English
- No comment
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You… flew east to get there… from Canada? That’s a long ass flight 
It’s a long post so I can’t say I read the whole thing but it seems to me the world loves Canada, us in 'Murica included (sometimes if we travel abroad we get the rare “pretend to be Canadian” advice, to get the more friendly side of people). I used to think the nice-ness was a grossly exaggerated stereotype, but I went up there for a weekend last year and found it to be true – You guys are the nicest people anyone can meet, anywhere (my liver might not have appreciated the Canadian generosity, but I sure did).
I love Canada.
Btdubs, somewhere in there you mentioned something about trading friendly-talk for directness or blunt conversation… I’ve been to a lot of places, and sadly I have to say we are the guiltiest of committers of being agreeable in Los Angeles. Sometimes it even frustrates ourselves, but we often just don’t say things because we “didn’t want to be rude.” This happens everyday. It’s a bummer. But even if I do it less than most, I still do it because in those cases I just don’t want to waste my time confronting that person.
From where I stand I feel like maybe New Yorkers would be the most bluntiest (not a typo) of conversationalists. And then I’m sure there’d be an Upper East Side person who’d come along to promptly yet politely disagree.
What I’ve learned is, people are weird. Even in the most generalized or stereotyped of groups there are multitudes of gray in that spectrum. Find the gray and ignore the rest.
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This is smart as shit. Hat-tip to you sir.
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Much of what you said rings true for me too. But I can’t help but wonder if what you have experienced is mainly because of the family you were born into. Perhaps your family and relatives are more traditional.
As for being direct, I’ve had similar experiences. I get bad reactions when I speak my mind. People look at me like I spoke out of turn.
If they say your Chinese sucks, they probably are referring to your western accent (assuming you have any). I get that all the time. But I also get people telling me “Wow, your Chinese is so good…” but I know they’re trying to be polite cause I know my accent is way off.
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The meet and greet each table part must have felt awkward. 
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Good read Angela.
Yeah, we did this too, but flipped the order: nice little wedding and reception/pool party at my parents’ place in Canada in the summer, and then six months later had the “proper” Taiwanese wedding, for which we basically handed over money and the mother-in-law did most of the work. We have plenty of happy memories of the Canadian half, and vague memories along the lines of “Whew, at least that wasn’t as stressful as we feared (but just as boring)” for the Taiwanese half. I sort of remember repeated whispered conversations along the lines of “Wait, who are these people again?”, and replies from my wife of “How should I know?!”
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You know when a village gets married ? Like the entire village . That was my wedding.
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I was born in taiwan but I moved away when I was a kid and eventual moved back for 4 years.
1.I think since you are a woman, they expect different things from you. Because I have never had anyone ask to stay at my home in any of my houses, that seems really weird. Or shocked that I don’t do things 100% like Taiwanese people do. If anything, they almost expect I do not and I have to explain to them I do this as well or like it as well. I’ve never had anyone ask or insinuate I should bring gifts and be weird about it either.
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Probably true, i never noticed it personally. Usually I see someone step in. Perhaps because the person abused is a foreigner.
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No one expects me to have a Taiwanese style wedding. Not even my family. They are rather excited I have one away from Taiwan in like Italy. I really think is because they think woman are supposed to be more traditional, not sure.
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Not a woman so IDK
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I respect elders but I don’t care about anyone’s opinions really. No one bothers me or my foreign gf. No one expects her to do anything either or be a certain way. Don’t see to have an issue with us living together even when we are not married. Her parents don’t either. Her parents gave us a house to live in in Italy once we moved her, as gave us their summer cottage to stay in one summer when we’ve only been dating just under a year. Maybe we got lucky with parents like that.
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Never had this either, I take in consideration of age, but old people don’t lecture me at all. They are happy to see me and just talk and feed me. Perhapse it’s because you’re a woman, they don’t think you can make your own choices or something.
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Same, can’t write but can read basic stuff. I can speak decently and def improved after living in taiwan for a few years before i left again.
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I moved from taiwan and mt mom is Korean so i never struggled with adapting. Besides malaysia, that places sucked.
Perhaps I should do one of these for living in Italy and interacting with her Italian family lol.
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I’d be shocked if they were all gay since the show wrote gay characters in pretty poor taste. I remember watching like one episode incidentally and cringing when someone dropped the f-slur.
Maybe they were all self-hating gays.
I wish I could double like this. Do everything you find reasonable to do out of respect, but you need to draw on a line on what you are not going to take. It’s really important to have your SO on board with this as well. If someone is going to pressure you guys to do something because they think you should do instead what you want to do and be a dick about it, they can not be a part of your lives.
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Actually there is one thing worse than a Western wedding. Destination Western weddings…
Out of curiosity, how much did your wedding cost and who paid for it? 500 guests is INSANE and only knowing your wifes immediate family would be 20-30 people max?
No idea the cost. I stayed out of that part. Inlaws took care of everything.
More like 10 people in her immediate family that I knew. Even my wife had no clue who anyone was.
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Weddings in Taiwan are far cheaper than your average Western wedding since you wouldn’t have to pay for the flowers and the band and the name card and all that jazz, it lasts for like 3 hours at most unlike at Western weddings where the guests are invited to stay for the whole fucking night, and many could even earn money from the fat red envelopes.
Darren Star, Michael Patrick King, and Allan Heinberg are gay. The other writers were straight women.
Possibly you seeing it in poor taste is more an age thing? Older gay men, and older people in general, take offence differently to millenials.
I don’t know how they do it, but weddings in Taiwan are designed to at least break even. The red envelopes always cover the cost. They seem to know how much everybody is going to give. I think a record must be kept of how much has been given beforehand, because you have to give more than you were given previously.
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So the red envelope is kinda like a bill, and you get food and “entertainment” for the night.