Whar does it mean when she hasnt told her parents you exist?

hi all,

I am currently having some doubts with my TW girlfriend. The thing is we met in Australia, had dated for 6 months during that time (lived together for 4 months) and she went back to taiwan about a month ago due to her visa expiring. She doesn’t like Asian guys and told me she doesn’t want to be with any of the ‘whites’ in her country because they only stay a short time there. I would like to think we are in a serious relationship and the issue of marriage has popped up now and then (mostly in a jokingly fashion).

Anyways the thing is soon I will be traveling and staying for 3 months so as to have a look around taiwan and possibly deepen the relationship. I know she doesn’t always get on with her family because she has mainly different opinions with them about a range of issues. My family know the whole deal about me going to taiwan for the sake of her and they already assume that this relationship is something for the long term. However one thing that had been bugging me is that she hasn’t told anyone in her family yet that I even exist! No matter how far i push the issue she always dodges it cleverly. Is it a cultural thing? Am I missing something big here?

I have been trying to get some information about this and one friend told me she was still waiting to see if I was a worthy to introduce to her parents, because over there it means a potential marriage partner!!! :astonished:

Quite possible. It’s pretty common. I didn’t meet my wife’s parents until we’d been living together for around four years.
Or maybe you’re so ugly she’s embarrassed.

I never tell my family about anyone. I might tell my sibling if it had been on for more than six months or so, or if it comes up for some reason.

No real reason, I just tend to keep different parts of my life separate.

It’s also slightly different for young women. ‘Dad! This is the person who is regularly having sex with your daughter!’

Congrats Robert!

Enjoy it while it lasts.

It is possible that she’s embarrassed about her family and/or you.

I wouldn’t push it at all if I were you.

Enjoy.

[quote=“robert”]Is it a cultural thing? Am I missing something big here?

I have been trying to get some information about this and one friend told me she was still waiting to see if I was a worthy to introduce to her parents, because over there it means a potential marriage partner!!! :astonished:[/quote]

If they’re a traditional family, like most, that’s really what it means here. I wouldn’t look at it as a question of if you are “worthy” or not, it’s very probably more that the trouble associated with even bringing it up is well–well–not worth it until she and you are sure that marriage is in the cards.

It kind means you’re not real. But I would say that the first 2 years or so, plus or minus her or her parents conservatism, it doesn’t mean too much.

I met on year 2, but by then we were a bit serious.

I’m the same. My parents, from what I can gather, married to avoid being 30+ and still single (oh, and it also made “financial sense”).

They don’t really have a lot in common. My attitude towards relationships is so fundamentally different that I don’t want to have that converstion with them.

Then again, my parents don’t know I own a phone - I guess I don’t want any conversation with them!

This happens more often here than one may think.

It generally means that the family is very traditional and perhaps even racist. Her parents may have forbid her from dating foreigners before she went to Australia, and would want her to marry a nice Taiwanese guy instead. She’s not ashamed of you, but she’s probably afraid of the consequences of her family’s reaction to her dating a “white devil”.

And she may very well be afraid to tell you this.

Well it puts you closer to the ejection seat. But that might not mean that much as yet. Shes still trying you on for size. This could take years.

Best of luck. YOu may have to just convince her to marry you in a court in OZ then her parents cant say anything :slight_smile:

The girl I eventually married didn’t tell her parents about me until just before we got married. Which was nice, because on Chinese New Year, she would go down south and leave me up here in Taipei all by myself. I really miss those days.

[quote=“Chris”]This happens more often here than one may think.

It generally means that the family is very traditional and perhaps even racist. Her parents may have forbid her from dating foreigners before she went to Australia, and would want her to marry a nice Taiwanese guy instead. She’s not ashamed of you, but she’s probably afraid of the consequences of her family’s reaction to her dating a “white devil”.

And she may very well be afraid to tell you this.[/quote]

Well here’s a few things:

(1) If her parents don’t like white guys (i’m assuming you’re white), and she’s close to the parents, you’re in for a very tense courtship. I don’t envy you in this regard.

(2) If she hasn’t told your parents about you, put it in ‘cold files’ and just see where this goes. At best I consider this a yellow flag.

(3) I personally would keep my options open if I were you. There’s too many uncertains here, and the fact that it’s an international relationship renders it more unstable.

Just keep your third eye open, you will need it

[quote=“Knowle West”]

Just keep your third eye open, you will need it[/quote]

What for?

HOnestly no cause for serious alarm, really. Its pretty common for parents not to know for a year or two or three.

[quote=“Buttercup”][quote=“Knowle West”]
Just keep your third eye open, you will need it[/quote]
What for?[/quote]
Other, more dangerous, radioactive animals.

[quote=“Buttercup”][quote=“Knowle West”]

Just keep your third eye open, you will need it[/quote]

What for?[/quote]

You don’t know why she hasn’t spoken of you to her parents yet. For that matter do you even know how close her parents are to her?

It could be nothing, it could be something. Just use caution.

No, I was just wondering about your third eye.

I was in Pusan KR once. Went to the info booth outside the KTX station. Met a dolled up volunteer good looking, ~30 y/o. We chatted. Had dinner. Then she said, “I’m going to my parents’ farm tonight for the weekend, why don’t you come with me. You can help us on the farm.” I replied, “So, you’re shorthanded, and would like even more help in about 9 months?” She looked me straight in the eye and said, “Are you coming or not?” I explained that unfortunately, I had work to do over the weekend. Close encounter of the Korean kind.

Tommy525 is thinking, “Go for it. Pregnant first, birth sign later.”

I’m the same. [/quote]

Same here. I don’t think it’s necessarily cultural or racist at all. I didn’t want my old fogey parents, who probably only dated each other, and then got married for 50 years and counting, to get excited about every girl I met, became enamored by, played around with for a while, then grew bored with and dumped, because it might confuse or distress them. Really old people take everything too seriously. Same for my wife. I don’t tell her either, for the same reason. :wink:

Have a nice day. :slight_smile:

Don’t bug yourself over that. It is just like in the West, people are avoiding bringing their sweethearts home to introduce to the parents until things turn really serious. I know someone who was dating X, introduced him to her parents and relatives, then the relationship with X turned sour, they broke apart. Then the gal got involved with Y, wasn’t all sure if he was the right guy and start seeing Z just to sort her heart and mind. Then she brought each one home to introduce to her parents just as a " friend" and the parents, the aunts started to blurt out : What about X that you brought last week, and A, B, C… that you brought last month ? Imagine how embarassing irt is.
So, to ease the problem, people just avoid introducing the sweethearts to the parents until the wedding or sometimes even after (if the honeymoon goes bad…). Introducing a new person to the parents sometimes give you the feeling of being trapped.

I have decided to leave the issue entirely alone unless it is brought up by her but also being a bit cautious too and taking it how it is, an awesome 3 month holiday in a place I have hardly ever heard about before (except on the news!). I mean who in their right mind would I want to meet the parents anyways?

thanks for the advice