Don’t know whether I should be groaning or feel excited like I do at Christmas when I’m at home with my family, but I’m going to HsinChu tomorrow to spend CNY with my GF’s family.
My GF is fluent in English and her father is a retired high school English teacher. She says everyone in her family can speak English but her mother. I know I’ll be too nervous to speak Chinese because everytime I have spoken it in the past in front of her neice and nephew they mock me by speaking entirely in second tone. My chinese is usually pretty good but goes to shit when I’m nervous.
I doubt the majority of the kids have seen a westerner and I get really annoyed when every single thing is pointed out; from the size of my nose, my curly hair, peach fuzz on my arms, eye color, the stray pimple… I can already feel myself getting tense and defensive and critical. Nobody likes being laughed at.
I’m not really sure what the meal will consist of. I’m sure a lot of it will be the same kind of guts I mentioned in my “food curiosity” thread. I’l eat it to be polite, but as far as other customs go and what to expect, i’m in the dark. My GF said her mom might give me a hon bau, and the thought of accepting money from someone I hardly know makes me feel very uncomfortable. Also, I need to prepare hong bau’s for all the kids. That I don’t mind. :s
I’ve heard lots of horror stories from friends who’ve gone home to their Taiwanese partner’s family for CNY… they get called fat and their appearance is picked apart.
All I can picture is sitting in a big tiled house that is cold and damp and loud with lots of oily food and ill-mannered children.
Anyone out there who can paint a prettier picture of what it’s like to spend CNY with a local family?
Why not send Almas John in your stead? He does a stand-in service for people like you, on the grounds that we all look alike and no-one will be able to tell the difference.
Loretta wrote [quote]Why not send Almas John in your stead? He does a stand-in service for people like you, on the grounds that we all look alike and no-one will be able to tell the difference.[/quote]
Thanks for the free plug Loretta, but a bit late as I’m already booked out this CNY. Perhaps I need to expand this from a simple one-man operation.
The hardest part of the job is being stuck in front of a massive TV blaring crap cartoons and variety shows. Watching TV is especially obnoxious if the remote control is in the hands of a maniac channel surfer.
Bushibanned,
You have it pretty sweet given you don’t need to travel that far and the family speaks English. If you feel uncomfortable, drink! And if you feel comfortable, drink anyway!
bb, Xinzhu has a Science Park with loads of foreigners working there, we’ve lived there for 6 years and have seen as many foreigners as here in Taipei, and so have the locals, relax! Of course, the part with the cold damp house full of obnoxious kids will be all too true, or so I’ve heard … Enjoy!
[quote=“Xpet”]bb, Xinzhu has a Science Park with loads of foreigners working there, we’ve lived there for 6 years and have seen as many foreigners as here in Taipei, and so have the locals, relax![quote]
Oh, I know there are foreigners there. But I’ve already been forewarned that I can expect the running up, pointing, and then running away whilst laughing hysterically. I’m probably being a bit of a crabby appleton about it, but it’s already strange enough experiencing a new custom/holiday. I should probably buck up a bit more since i’ve been in taiwan a long time… just a bit sensitive to blatantness of it all esp. when i know i’m not funny looking. I just find myself annoyed ahead of time cause she was home with me for christmas and I have an incredible family who are kind, fun, loving, accepting of the fact that we’re gay and not a single little kid there ran up to her, pointed to her eyes or hair color and make a huge scene out of it. But maybe that’s for the “civilizing taiwan” thread.
Don’t worry. You’ll be fine. The most annoying thing about these CNY things is boredom. Bring something to read for entertainment when you get a few minutes to yourself because you can guarantee the TV will be news, talk shows and crappy cartoons as someone has already pointed out.
The kids are part of the extended family, right?
Play with the kids. It stops them pointing at you after a while; it can be kind of fun sometimes too. They usually either get bored or tired and do something else. In any case, the pointing/comments etc will cease because they will be used to you and their curiosity will be satisfied sooner.
Whatever happens. try to have some fun and keep your chin up. It’s only a few days.
bb, they’re not laughing because they think you’re funny looking, they’re laughing because they are embarassed and insecure (but then I guess you realize that …), just remember that throughout and you’ll be fine. In a way, that means you have the upper hand, and as for peach fuzz on arms, that’s clearly an asset here! As Almas said: drink, eat & enjoy!
As for the hong bao thing, you give and you receive, it all equals out in the end, it’s not so bad to take a little when you also give a little …
If someone lies to you and says you’re fat, say it’s all the fabulous Taiwanese food you’ve been so utterly enjoying since you came to this beautiful and picturesque island … just lie (and lay) back! Have fun!
They will watch TV all day, and play majong all night. Actually, sometimes they play cards. The kids were OK for me. They thought I was interesting, wanted to sit next to me at meals, followed me all around, and showed me how to play some games (which was a nice break from the TV). All in all, I enjoyed it.
It isn’t always bad. It really depends on the family. My first CNY was at my boss’s house in the south (there were a few of us foreigners there) at we ate extremely well and helped out making dumplings and other CNY foods. I don’t mean we boiled the dumplings but actually got shown how to roll and stuff them. We had a contest to see who could make the most ridiculously shaped dumpling: Mickey Mouse ears, pineapples, tits, etc.
These days I go to my wife’s brother’s place. It tends to get dull, except when my BIL wife’s father and mother are over. The old guy was an army colonel and has some good stories.
Everyone talks, no one watches TV except when we play a little X-Box or watch a movie on the big screen TV. MY BIL’s son is not obnoxious at all and usually does a small show at one point to entertain us. Last year he got me involved and we put on a Japanese superman battle for everyone.
The food is always fantastic. Lots of shrimp, cold chicken, yummy tofu, soups, fruit, etc. Nothing is oily.
Just like any holiday, CNY depends on the company.
Since he has already gone to catch his train, I’ll post now. Don’t want to send him running for another train to another location.
[quote=“jdsmith”]ten years ago, I was in the same boat.[quote]
Been in that same boat each and every year. Although I don’t have a problem with Chinese. It’s Taiwanese that is the killer for me. The whole place is a mass of garble that I don’t understand and no one translates into English or Mandarin.
The kids are my own. There is no dog.
I try to smile a lot and usually pull it off. I would talk to myself if that wouldn’t label me a nutt case.
This is correct.
Yes, agreed. They’ll love you for that.
Fat is a compliment in many cases.
I don’t have a poker face, but that is a great suggestion.
Me, I am always bored. Hours of Taiwanese lulls me into a coma.
Once a year is ok. I am used to once or twice a week.
This year I am staying home. The mother in law crossed the line recently and I told her so, BIG MISTAKE, but neccessary. So, I don’t think I’ll show my face this year (probably another mistake).
My wife and I lived outside of Taiwan until not too long ago. So this is my first (we’re taking the train tomorrow). My situation’s a bit unique so I don’t have too much advice to give (my Chinese is good enough on a bullshit level and I’ve lived overseas for too long to think anything is strange). Just wanted to tell part of my story. My wife is Amei. Her brothers and any Amei guests that will be present will be drinking up a storm. This is absolutely fine with me since very few people drink at my company and I need some drinking company! I’ve got my 1.5L bottle of Johnnie Walker black ready so I don’t have to drink gau lyang or mi jio. We just got a call that they killed a mountain pig (translating literally- “butchered a boar”?) and many guests are over. I’m looking forward to it, actually!
They’re not mocking you or anything. Thedy’re more nervous than you (well, maybe not than YOU, but more nervous than I would have been ). The kids aren’t mocking your Chinese. They figure that if they talk like that you’ll underrstand easier. For them the novelty will wear off after 5 minutes, and kids are great for practicing your Chinese on. You can make easy small talk with them. Sure, everybody will say you’re fat, but this isn’t an insult in Taiwan. Everyone says it to everyone. Don’t worry about it.
Your GF’s mother won’t be cooking up exotic nightmarket snacks. It’ll be simple good food. I wouldn’t worry about that at all.,
If the mum tires to give you a hongbao, that’s strange. Refuse it. Likewise, you don’t ned to give them to the children. Your GF giving them is enough. Couples give together. The kids will have to give it to their parents anyway, so you’re not doing them any favours. Just bring something in a nice red package for the mother and father and something else of the grandparents (the sort of thing they have on display at 7-11s at the moment - your GF will know).
Learn the basic rules of Mah Jong. Them playing that all night will gibe you something to do.
[quote=“Shawerma”]My wife is Amei…I’ve got my 1.5L bottle of Johnnie Walker black ready so I don’t have to drink gau lyang or mi jio.[/quote]I don’t like gaoliang or mijiu. But I like xiaomijiu – a fairly sweet kind of grain wine. Wouldn’t like to get a xiaomijiu hangover, but it’s very pleasant in reasonable quantities. I usually buy it from those roadside griddle stalls run by aboriginal people. Do your wife’s family drink that? What’s it made from, anyway?
[quote=“Bu Lai En”]If the mum tires to give you a hongbao, that’s strange. Refuse it.[/quote]I spent my first C.N.Y. at a friend’s house in Hualian. Her mum gave all her children hongbaos, and gave me one too. Not a huge amount of course, but certainly a very kind gesture. I was surprised and a little uncomfortable at first, but nobody else saw anything strange in it.
For a mother-in-law to give the son-in-law a hongbao sounds a little odd. It’s supposed to be him taking care of her daughter now, right? But if that’s what the family sees as appropriate then better to go along with it, surely? I would have thought you run more risk of offending by refusing than by accepting.
I’ve got this thing against clear liquors. Unlike beer, which goes bad, or scotch, which gets better over time, the clear liquors just sit there like formaldehyde. I’ll drink it all, though! Just not my first choice. I’ll have to ask about xiaomijio when I’m there.
Maybe. Always refuse at leats onece anyway. I’d go for refusing 2 or 3 times, then accepting it when she insists. My granparents in law always refuse their hongbaos, but man they’d be pissed if we didn’t cough up
[quote=“joesax”]I don’t like gaoliang or mijiu. But I like xiaomijiu – a fairly sweet kind of grain wine. Wouldn’t like to get a xiaomijiu hangover, but it’s very pleasant in reasonable quantities. I usually buy it from those roadside griddle stalls run by aboriginal people. Do your wife’s family drink that? What’s it made from, anyway?
[quote=“Bu Lai En”]If the mum tires to give you a hongbao, that’s strange. Refuse it.[/quote]I spent my first C.N.Y. at a friend’s house in Hualian. Her mum gave all her children hongbaos, and gave me one too. Not a huge amount of course, but certainly a very kind gesture. I was surprised and a little uncomfortable at first, but nobody else saw anything strange in it.
For a mother-in-law to give the son-in-law a hongbao sounds a little odd. [/quote]
My mother in law always gives me a hong bao. And my wife, too. Usually we give some or if possible all the money back to her later in the evening as it is always too much. Of course we give her a hong bao too (and not from the money she gives us ).
Go Amis! Since I myself drink a fair bit (edit - “a reasonable amount”), I never have any problem with my aborigine in-laws , except keeping up. Where abouts are you gonna be?
Enjoy!
I just find myself annoyed ahead of time cause she was home with me for christmas and I have an incredible family who are kind, fun, loving, accepting of the fact that we’re gay and not a single little kid there ran up to her, pointed to her eyes or hair color and make a huge scene out of it. But maybe that’s for the “civilizing taiwan” thread.