When the missus goes on about needing to feel ‘safe’ I always wonder a bit what she means?
A man that she can trust, strong, tough, dependable, all that stuff?
Female posters (and lads too), what is ‘safe’ for you?
My missus says that sometimes she doesn’t feel ‘safe’ with me. Gawd, she keeps me busy…
Is it your driving?
She’s the driver in this relationship. Literally.
[quote]
My missus says that sometimes she doesn’t feel ‘safe’ with me [/quote]
Are you barebacking it? 
I guess it depends on the situation, but I’d think she means:
her guy won’t cheat on her or flirt with others
he won’t go out and get plastered with his buddies and come home in the wee early hours more than a few times per year
he won’t have constant problems such as getting in heated arguments with friends, acquaintances, coworkers, bosses, etc.; getting in physical altercations with other drivers, total strangers, etc.; won’t quit/get fired from a succession of jobs; won’t constantly fail to meet important deadlines, such as for filing of taxes, payment of bills, etc.
he won’t be always late or having to break off appointments or fail to show up
he’ll spend time with her, listen to her, and try to accept her views
he’ll be reasonably polite, courteous, well-groomed, and have a somewhat respectable job and career plans (teaching kiddies counts if he’s serious and responsible about it).
I know that’s a lot to live up to, but isn’t that probably pretty much what she has in mind?
Of course if that’s too much, the single-life certainly has its rewards.
Dependable, faithful and committed, most likely.
Maybe you need to work harder to reassure her of these things? 
Pretty good guidelines to live by.
But if a guy is really like that, how is a girl going to go about changing him? 
I only do that a few times a year, and I still get in crap every time I do it.
[quote=“Dragonbones”]Dependable, faithful and committed, most likely.
Maybe you need to work harder to reassure her of these things? [/quote]
Or maybe if you develop a sexual relationship with her best friend, she’ll realize she treated you badly, will regret that you’re no longer interested solely in her, and she’ll bend over backwards to please you and win you back. Might be worth a try.
Isn’t she a single mum? Answer should be quite obvious.
HG
[quote=“Huang Guang Chen”]Isn’t she a single mum? Answer should be quite obvious.
HG[/quote]
Good point.
or
but at least
Feeling :snivel: ?
It means having a bank account so large, that any screw up (usually your fault), can be resolved, covered up, or bought off.
Failing to do that, it means you must be more loyal to her than a toilet trained puppy.
[quote=“ac_dropout”]It means having a bank account so large, that any screw up (usually your fault), can be resolved, covered up, or bought off.
Failing to do that, it means you must be more loyal to her than a toilet trained puppy.[/quote]
Methinks ac_dropout understands women very well.
I don’t think this should be such a difficult concept. The woman is a single mother. She is a bussy and successful business woman (and I’ve never met one of those in Taiwan who wasn’t contributing a great deal to her extedned family). To feel safe with a partner she needs to know–absolutly–that you respect her and will not undermine what she is or what she has worked for. I really think it comes down to respect over all.
I’ve had only one relationship in my life in which I trully felt completely respected. It was also the one relationship that I ever felt one hundred percent of myself was invested in. I felt safe.
I knew my man had eyes, but that he could controle his hands and other bits, and that he would out of respect for my feelings. And I also knew that if there ever came a time when he didn’t want to stay with me any more, he respected me enough to talk about things, in the first place, before it got that far, and untimatly, to say good-by before being with someone else.
I knew that my man would consider me in whatever plans he was thinking of. He’d talk to me about things and ask for my opinions. And–here is the real biggie–he actually LISTENED to what I had to say. I knew this, because later his behavior, or comments reflected that he’d heard what I said and spent time thinking about it. And I would have trusted that guy with my life. Actually, I guess if we ever met again, I still might. Because I respect the kind of guy he is that much.
This woman has an entire life to be pulled appart if she lets you in too far or get too close. It’s not as if she’ll simply suffer a broken heart, there are many others who also depend on her. If you want her to feel safe, you’re going to have to earn it and show her the kind of respect that causes those feelings of safty to develope.
Just my feminine 2NT$.
Should be, but I’m half-donkey, so I need some advice.
Advice thus far makes sense.
I think she wants me to have more job stability (lost job after getting sick), be healthier (got encephalitis), drink a wee bit less (got plastered my first few months when I got here, but haven’t since I’ve been with her).
Besides that I don’t fight, not aggressive, have serious plans for the future (which I’m putting into play now), do my best to stay healthy, not too lazy, etc etc.
She knows I come from a single-mom childhood, and she knows I adore her kid and her kid likes me, even though the daughter finds it amusing that I’m a taaalll foreigner. She knows me and her ma are together.
I think the missus is worried I’ll up and run like here ex-husband. Figure it’ll take time to prove I’m not going to do a runner.
Interestingly she quit her job as boss of the family company (gave it to the bitchy sister)and is now unemployed.
Housecat nails a lot of it I supsect.
Summing it up I supect she wants a source of stability. She wants to know that you’ll keep your head if she fucks up, for example.
HG
Two pages of explaining someone’s thought, whom many of us haven’t even met.
Wow, talk about telepathy.
To be honest, I think she fucks up regularly.
I’m giving it a month or two tops, then quitting it - for my mental health, and hers I guess.
Safe for me means not being lied to, the reliability factor.
If it is indeed the case that she’s a single mom, then I would imagine one must mutliply the need for a steady source of trust by a factor of 10.9.
To be honest, I think she fucks up regularly.
I’m giving it a month or two tops, then quitting it - for my mental health, and hers I guess.[/quote]
This relationship seems to be all about her. Is she happy, is she safe, how to make her smile. Mate, divorced or not, she sounds like she needs a fucking good slap.
Get a porn mag, watch red tube, or find a whore. Being ball beaten by anyone is a dead-end road. She may enjoy having you around so she can watch you squirm, but is that what you want? I met you once, briefly, you haven’t been hit with the ugly stick, so get out there and find a woman who wants you. Thats the advice I have been giving myself. ‘You don’t want a piece of Tom, more fool YOU!’ I am really enjoying being single. The pressure of trying to please a person who couldn’t please themselves is insane. And that sounds like the situation you are in. Is this love? Sounds not. Is it sexual? Only you know. Whichever it is, go make yourself happy mate, you weren’t put on this earth to make ammends for how some guy treated his wife and the ensuing trauma that she has taken on after that fact.
Have a beer. Lift your spirits.
GET CONFIDENT, STUPID!