I am sorry to tell you such a long (and complicated) story but I need help. Here is the story:
I have arrived in Taiwan 6 months ago to work as a researcher. At my work, there is a woman who is Tawanese, but she was actually i was born in America and lived there a part of her life.
The first time I met her, she was just a normal person to me. In terms of beauty, I use to find she was barely on the average and I had never thought things like “How about her and I…?”, “She is cute”,…
Six months later, I am completely and deeply in love with her and I have no idea of how this happened, I just don’t understand. I think about her all the time, now I find she is very cute while I did not weeks ago, the only fact she says “hi!” with a smile on the morning makes my day sunnier. (I would like you to see her smile from my own eyes so you can understand)
Our relationship is very fine right now. She is very friendly with me and she is always helping me with all kind of stuff. But you all know the statement: giving friendship to someone you desire love, is like giving a very dry biscuit to someone who is thirsty. So now I want to go further with her and I have decided that I will tell her one day.
This was the context, thanks for reading it because I realize it is long. Now here is my problem:
She will spend her Xmas holiday in my home country in Paris with two friends of her (who are actually a couple, THANK GOD! I felt so desperate before she specified that point). I’m giving her some advice and places to visit.
And since I was about to ship a package to my family by post, she proposed me to take it with her so I don’t paid shipment. This time, I have to do something. I want to offer her present for Xmas to show my gratitude (and my feelings?).
What kind of thing I should or should not offer her? I want this to be special and to unconsciously create feelings if possible. I am not sure about what to buy or how do this in Taiwan. I just know that I may avoid anything related to the number 4 or 13 (bad luck).
Also, do think I can ask my family to offer her something special from Paris in my name? This was actually my first idea but after a second thought, I am not really sure it would be appropriate. What do you think?
it would be very hard to offer an appropriate suggestion since we know very little about her, in terms of personality and likes.
if she lived in the US, then she might be up for a big gesture type of thing like your gift in Paris idea. Though is there any reason why you haven’t let her know about the you feel yet?
[quote=“hansioux”]it would be very hard to offer an appropriate suggestion since we know very little about her, in terms of personality and likes.[/quote]You’re right, I should have thought about this since I want this gift to be special. I could, I would probably give her something from France. But where to find it here? I am still thinking…
[quote=“hansioux”]if she lived in the US, then she might be up for a big gesture type of thing like your gift in Paris idea.[/quote] So you think it should be more appropriate? Someone from my family who gives her the gift? Or waiting she comes back to do it? Maybe Both…?
[quote=“hansioux”]Though is there any reason why you haven’t let her know about the you feel yet?[/quote] I am waiting for an opportunity, meaning her and I alone and not at work. I really want to tell her as soon as possible. I hesitate to invite her somewhere alone, because I don’t want her to suspect something until I tell her.
I think if you are trying to give her a gift that unconsciously creates feeling, it’s probably the best for you to give the gift to her directly instead of having a family member give it to her. If a ‘friend’s’ family member gives me a gift after I’ve done a favor for him (like delivered a package for him), I’d just take it as a ‘returning the favor’ gesture, and not ‘wow perhaps he likes me more than a friend’ thing. If anything, taking a gift from a family member she has never met before is kinda odd in my opinion - doesn’t feel romantic, even if it’s in your name.
Being a girl myself, I also don’t think you NEED to buy something that is from your hometown (unless it is something she’s also interested in (ie: special crafts only found in Paris?). Common gifts that shows a sign of romantic interest: necklace, jewelerys, maybe stuffed animal? (But yeah, it’s hard to give you an advice since we don’t know much about her personality wise, obviously don’t give the things I said above if she’s very Tom-boyish :P) I agree with hansioux though, if she’s a girl who has lived abroad before, it is generally the best to just man up and tell her directly instead of playing the forever friendzone game. Asians can be very ‘ai mei’ (The best translation I can come up with: hanky-panky, flirty-but-claims-to-be-just-friends (?)), and some girls will just wait until the guys ask her out for pride reasons. There is nothing wrong for her to suspect that you like her, if anything that’d help you to ‘test the water’ and see if she has feeling back for you.
[quote=“Sann”]I’d just take it as a ‘returning the favor’ gesture, and not ‘wow perhaps he likes me more than a friend’ thing. [/quote] I think you’re right. This is the reason why I was not very confident about this after a second thought, but I have to admit that I was still considering that option.
[quote=“Sann”]stuffed animal? [/quote] Seriously? I had never heard or think about this as a gift to someone you love. And actually I kinda like this idea. And since I know what is her favorite character of her favorite Japanese anime, I think I have an idea now… can you guess?
[quote=“Sann”]it is generally the best to just man up and tell her directly instead of playing the forever friendzone game.[/quote] I was determined to tell her but I feel even more motivated now. Thank you !
I’m going to guess a Pikachu, Hello Kitty, or Kuma bear? … but honestly I have no idea. D:
And yes, if you look up sending flowers online (or even at a florist) to send flowers to someone you love, it usually gives you an option to add in a teddy bear or something similar, they generally match flowers with a stuffed animal as a gift to girls. (Of course it is a romatic gift! It’s something you’d hug at night and sleep with ) Best of luck to you!
If it is Hello Kitty, there are some pretty awesome jewelry pieces, unique collectibles, not cheap, but not outrageously expensive, that could be seen as a token of affection, and give you the foot in the door to start talking about taking the relationship to the next level. Maybe invite her to dinner to give her the gift before she goes?
And please, pretty please, keep us posted. I and I am sure several people here will be rooting for a positive outcome and a fine romantic tale. “When your Mom and I met…” As they say in Taiwan “jiayio!”
In my opinion, jewellery is a bit extravagant for a first gift. What if she doesn’t like it? What if she is not into him (yet)? She might end up in an uncomfortable position being unable to accept the gift. Flowers, on the other hand, are always a good choice for a romantic gift. They will definitely get the right message across. And if she doesn’t feel the same way… they’re just flowers.
I agree about jewellery, this is something I would only offer her only she was already my girlfriend (what I hope so much). Flower are ended a good idea. But I think a Japanese anime plush is a better because this is something she likes according to what she told me. She specifically told me once that she likes it, so this type of gift would generate a higher emotion in her. Not only because she likes it but also because she will realize that I have specifically chosen something that I know she will like. If she was a different person, the gift would have been different. And I think this would make it special in her mind.
Icon, if anything happens, I will post here, promised !
Flowers may be … unimaginative, but as mushpea said, that’s what gives you (and her) a get-out if she’s really not into you.
I’m afraid I disagree with tommy about the ‘don’t tell her just yet’ thing. If she agrees to go out with you (alone, I mean, not to a family dinner) there’s nothing wrong with saying what needs to be said, if things appear to be going well, the moment is right, and you use the right words (ie., not “I’ve been watching you for six months…”). Who knows, maybe she’s been waiting as long as you have, and confidence is always attractive.
Why not invite her to see your family over there and then surprise her by being there yourself?! In my (limited) experience, many Americans love surprises…
Hey, I am not saying buy her a diamond ring. I have the cutest Hello Kitty earrings -from a pal, who got them and then didn’t like them- and you also have the cute collectible items -Hello Kitty little crystal knickknacks and stuff. What I mean to say is a step above the plastic stuff and the cheapie plushies. Ayioo… All the kiddies are collecting these Pandora like Hello Kitty bracelets, some of the links are hard to find. Just saying…
You want pictures of the Hello Kitty McDonalds collection? I have several Daniel and Kitty couple dressed as Japanese, Korean, Western bride and groom… Ok, ok, if you do not want it that obvious then I saw this great nap pillow, big Hello Kitty head, where you tuck your arms in and rest your head. Practical and cute.
You guys know there is a magazine dedicated to the newest Hello Kitty products? It comes with a gift.
Get her a gift certificate for Xin Guang San Yue or Sogo, then offer to accompany her while she goes shopping. You can get a feel for how things are with her outside of the workplace, and at the same time get a taste of how you’ll spend the weekends dating a Taiwanese girl
Thank all of your help ! You are really helping me to select options and take decisions. Thank you !
Some of you recommend to tell about my feeling ASAP, some of you recommend to wait. In my heart is telling me to listen to the first advice and my brain is telling to listen to the second. The problem is that your heart will not receive electrical stimulation to work without your brain and your brain will not receive nutriment to work without your heart. You will die if you just pick up one, so I guess I should balance them. I am not sure when, but I have to tell her one day.
I think I will highly consider taking her somewhere (restaurant,…) and give her the gift there. I think I need a little more interaction with her to figure out when is the best time to do it. The restaurant shall be an excellent opportunity for it. Who knows? Maybe, we’ll have strong emotions so that I should tell her. Or maybe, it will be just as usual so I should waiting a little more. Or maybe, something will me to do it anyway.
I have to mention that my interactions with her are limited to long discussions at works (Yes, I’m not the ideal employee), smiles while one is walking next to the other’s desk and some hang out with other colleagues. So we are not completely free to say just what we want. If we can be just one on one and outside professional environment, maybe our speech will me more free.
Why not just offer to take her out to dinner or something first? See how that goes and then decide on any potential gifts. It might just complicate things from the get-go.
(Of course it is a romatic gift! It’s something you’d hug at night and sleep with 
) Best of luck to you!
