What is the Ideal proximity to your inlaws and why?

Before I joined my wife in Taiwan I was told that Ma lived 40 minutes away from our house, but the real drive time is only 7-8 minutes. :astonished: It’s a good walking distance in fact.

This was not in the brochure.

I figured 40 minutes was ok, because that’s far enough so that we would not go over there every day, and near enough so that the inlaws don’t come to stay overnight when they visit.

Heh - I’ve got the ideal scenario, for the reasons you mentioned. The in-laws live in Sanchong, and V and I live in Xizhi. We see them a couple of times a month, and we can get away with “just dinner”. It doesn’t have to be a big event… :discodance:

[color=red]PS Plotch, your avatar is too wide - please keep it 150 pixels in width or less, thanks.[/color]

ideal proximity is an oxymoron here

It depends. My father in law died a few years back and Mominlaw loves me. She can’t cook enough food for me. She’s funny, and if my wife spends too many weekends at her house she’ll say, “Hey, you’re married remember?”

About 30 minutes away from us. :rainbow:

You could live in a cave at the bottom of the ocean and ma could live on mars. If your partner wants to see mum, you will need a space ship, cos she will see ma when she wants. Maoman’s wife seems to view visiting the folks as a ‘chore’ which is what you want really. Even if they lived next door she wouldn’t be round there. Some girls live 100’s of miles from their parents during the week, but annoyingly wish to spend all weekend, every weekend at mommys beck and call. The distance is irrelevant, its the desire that counts![/list]

I live no less than a 5 minute walk from my in-laws. Have done for the last 5 years or so. At first I thought there would be heaps of problems, but I liked the apartment I was moving into. So I took a chance. Sure enough thou, I had to lay down the law pretty quick. I told them I don’t want them coming over to my house ALL the time, nor should they expect me to go over there all the time. They were a bit shocked at first, but after they thought about it a bit, they realized it was for the better.

I’m sure they suspect I’m a little mentally ill. Early on in my marriage I told them I didn’t like to go to every familiy reunion or BBQ. Which happen pretty much every weekend, as hordes of cousins, uncles aunts etc descend on my in-laws house. (After 6 years of marriage, I’m still meeting new members of my wife’s family. I don’t ever expect to meet them all!). Anyway, once I heard my granmother-in law tell someone else on the phone that the foreigner was not coming as he is afraid of people.

If that works for them, then it works for me! :smiley:
It actually works out ideal for me, as I don’t have to go far to drop off or pick up my kids after work.

I have a friend who lives DIRECTLY across the alley from his in-laws. Total travel time 8 seconds (he has to go down a flight of stairs otherwise it would be 2.4 seconds. Now that’s crazy! It’s been that way for 9 years. He swears they hardly ever come over. He refuses to divulge his secret, but I’m sure he has some kind of invisible force field protection. Either that or something in the walls… radiated steel?

I live in Tainan - Inlaws in Chiayi.
Thats close enough for me and just far enough that the wife has to plan a visit - no spontanous visits.
Wife goes to visit on a Sat or Sunday day trip about 2x’s a month. Takes young cowboy with her, usually, once a month.
I go about every 3 months.
They like me it seems. I like them.
Its enough for me.

My wife jokes (err … at least i think it’s a joke) that the reason she married me was because it meant she’d be 6000 miles away from her in-laws. Hearing some of the stories of the relationships between Taiwanese women and their Taiwanese in-laws makes me understand why …

Oh, and for me Taipei - Pindong seems to be a good arrangement. A few visits a year, which can often be combined with a break in Kenting.

GM: That’s classic! I think I need to create a similar impression somehow.

Fortunately we don’t have a problem with spontaneous visits at our house, because I was very clear on that point from the start. However, because Ma lives between BFE and K-town, the wife always wants to drop by there on the way out or back. It’s amazing how much time these unscripted visits can eat up, and that’s my main objection: I need a plan, I need an itinerary. I hate sitting around in the heat and squalor and wasting time. Too bad Ma’s place is so uncomfortable, otherwise it would be a much better arrangement. The nephews are on my side though, they always know they need to keep the basketball aired up for when Uncle plotch comes by!

Delete please

Well my wife’s mom comes to stay with us some weekends and it’s fine. I guess you just need to be flexible with your marriage arrangements. :smiley: :smiley:

A 5 minute walk away from the future in-laws, which is too close for my taste. We go there a minimum of 2 evenings a week for dinner, because 伯母 cooks what the son likes to eat :unamused:

Same here[quote] I hate sitting around in the heat and squalor and wasting time. Too bad Ma’s place is so uncomfortable, otherwise it would be a much better arrangement. [/quote]

But they seem to like me, only thing is, I don’t eat as much as I should, I don’t talk much when I’m there, we’re not married yet and don’t plan to have kids soon. :noway:

I totally agree with TomHill:

If we would live further away we probably wouldn’t visit them less often, but it would be less convenient :wink:

I left my ex fiance because of his parents. I figured that if they were on mars and I was in the middle of the sun, we would be too close.

Well my wife’s mom comes to stay with us some weekends and it’s fine. I guess you just need to be flexible with your marriage arrangements. :smiley: :smiley:[/quote]

well in all honesty we get along pretty good :slight_smile: we used to be a 15 minute walk away which was actually nice. mom helped us take care of the baby a lot. 20 minute taxi ride away now, i try to get over at least once or twice a month. wife heads over more often, i should too i guess :blush: :smiling_imp:

1 minute. They live downstairs in a seperate apartment. The strange thing is that I see them maybe once every two or three months. They respect privacy, we are both busy, and my wife usually visits them downstairs rather than vice-versa.

Across the street. It took a few months to get used to, but now it’s great. We live in their spare apartment and pay about a third of what the rent should be. Mom cooks for us most nights, and there’s always a plate of sliced fruit waiting for me after work. They rarely visit, and when they do it’s short and sweet. When we have a baby I’m sure they will watch him/her.

I would never want to live this close to my own parents, but it’s actually worked out pretty good here in Taiwan. I know I’m one of the lucky ones, though.

They live 40 minutes away. We live in downtown Taipei, they live in Neihu. I see them about once or twice a month. Usually the family, when we get together, gathers at our place because of the central location of our apartment.

I take take inlaws (my own included) in maximum doses to two weeks p.a.

Thus it works well that my Taiwanese in-laws live in Pingtung. After 5 years of dating and 10 years of marriage, I’ve also trained them well to like beaches and activities like camping.

Luckily my mom live 15,000 miles away (at least that’s what my accumulated mileage says) and comes for 2 weeks a year.

I had a freind that live in shitpie, sorry shihpie with his parents-in-law and brother-in-law for 5 years in a single room with his wife. I do not know how he maintained his sanity.

In-Laws are a short walk from walk from a short train ride from a 14-hour flight away.

Actually mother-in-law stays in our house when she comes to visit and I wish she would stay longer. The house is always clean. Dinner is ready when I get home and there’s always fresh fruit cut up.

Wife’s parents are about 20 minutes away, one of her sisters is about 12 minutes away. On the rare occasions when they do drop in unannounced, it’s invariably for just a few minutes, to drop something off. I’m happy with these distances.