really?? If I were you, my regret would have been not making a video of the situation. You would’ve gained instant stardoma nd fame. Different strokes I guess. 
Thanks BC, I think that is it.
It’s just that some people don’t really have that core you are talking about.
You can make an effort and try to develop it. I think that is what buddhism is about, but if it doesn’t come to some extent naturally then you just don’t “have it” somehow.
I just don’t “have it.” I never did. And I don’t mean to be maudlin about it at all.
Impulse control is my problem, not nerve, I’m sad to say. However, I can be a bit uptight about spending money, having lived in Asia, with no real safety net for so long.
I regret not going back to the UK overland, from Taiwan, but I couldn’t justify blowing all my savings when I had no job or home to go back to. But that’s not really a real regret - it’s like saying ‘I regret I never bought a helicopter’.
I regret some of the twattish ways I’ve treated people, in the past. And I regret anything that ended up with me in hospital, or being told to calm down by the police. I also deeply regret coasting through my education and being a lazy twat. But to be honest, I regret things that have happened, rather than things I did, because regretting things you chose to do is simply a way to salve your own conscience in the case of bad things, or laziness and lack of application in the case of failures. If I choose to do something that I enjoyed immensely, despite its shitty nature, it’s ridiculous and not true to myself to regret it.
You’d never know I was a good Catholic, would you?
Thanks BC, I think that is it.
It’s just that some people don’t really have that core you are talking about.
You can make an effort and try to develop it. I think that is what buddhism is about, but if it doesn’t come to some extent naturally then you just don’t “have it” somehow.
I just don’t “have it.” I never did. And I don’t mean to be maudlin about it at all.[/quote]
bob, you posted this while I was writing my post above.
I understand what you mean, I really do. I struggle with very dark, psychotic depressions, on about a two year cycle of bipolarity. The older I get, the less effective meds are. Finding this ‘core’ is essential to me, otherwise I simply won’t make it. I don’t mean that I will commit suicide - more that I will simply become less and less cognitively and emotionally able to function, in the outside world. It’s both hereditary and a result of biology and conditioning and history and circumstance.
My upbringing both damned me and saved me. I had a very isolated and unpleasant childhood so I lived in a world of my own. Then I moved to Asia where it was OK to not engage with anyone. I carry my own whatever around with me. I’m never bored or sad or stressed when I’m alone. It strikes me that you have elements of that, when you are out checking out streams and stuff?
Now the trick is to make that a positive thing, not a way of hiding. I think you’re right, that Buddhism and developing mindfulness can help with this. Your brain and your body is the most wonderful thing you will ever have. You are amazing, with the potential for anything. Don’t let stuff like feelings or anything define you, if you can help it. I feel sad? Boo-fucking-hoo! I’ve got better things to do! You are [color=#8000BF]
bob
[/color], ferchrissakes. Bend the fckers to your will!
(Not lecturing, or telling you how you should feel or behave. Just sharing some thoughts)
I am pulled because I really enjoyed Taiwan (sure, i was pissed off half of the time 
due to various stupid people) but I get this way here too.
I enjoy being around people, but I also like my quiet time too, and Taiwan provides that, without me having to drive hours away to get to that quiet spot.
It’s just that my worry is that the longer i stay in Taiwan, the less anyone in my current career path here will value me, if I ever did have to come back.
Catch 22.
The other unforunate part is that many Taiwan companies don’t appreciate the benefit of having a native English speaking service agent there, even though it would make business with the foreign clients go more smoothly. :fume: I hit the pavement many times in Taipei when I was in Taiwan, and no luck. So it pretty much relegates me to teaching it appears.
When I told my Taiwanese friends that I wanted to do something else other than teach English, they looked at me as if I was crazy… But your white, you can teach English. What else can white people do here they said.
Thanks for everyones opinions so far.
BC, I also had a childhood where I was alone, but that was because I usually wanted to be. I would set up mini cities of play cars in my basement complete with buildings.
I guess that is why even though I enjoy being with people, I also enjoy my “alone time”
It was interesting to read your (and Bob’s) experiences, thanks.
Beer, poker, cooking, martial arts, wine, cigars, cricket, boxing, curry. Actually, those are just things I enjoy, which maybe isn’t really the same thing, although they do all make me feel happy.
Exactly.
What I really like about you BC is that you really know what you are talking about.
What defines me is the things I create, and I create a lot of things.
Not sure entirely how happiness plays into it. Or how it relates to being alone.
I don’t really like being alone that much, but I don’t want to go out and explore the rivers with somebody who will get in my way at all either. No let’s go, let’s stop, let’s go this way…
I am pretty sure that would drive me up the wall.
You should notice the obvious which is that I post those pictures and the comments so obviously I think about and care about how they impact people. I send a version of that to friends and family as well. It’s like a chance to be alone and connected at the same time.
Perfect.
Once in awhile I might go out with somebody I suppose, and I certainly meet people along the way sometimes…
Oh, and thanks divea for the kind comments in PM. Of course, you are correct too.
You are mistaken. Man’s greatest good fortune is to chase and defeat his enemy, seize his total possessions, leave his married women weeping and wailing, ride his gelding and use the bodies of his women as a nightshirt and support.
My cousin in the army was diagnosed with schizophrenia. He is not violent, or split personality or anything. SInce his diagnosis and subsequent treatment, he is on meds. He does have a job although it is a desk one now and ywin sons and all is hunky dory except he can’t accept his illness and is saddened by it. I applaud you, for making the choice to find a happy core and being happy for yourself and spreading it. 'Tis what heroes do. 
I am sure you are one.
Damn. You can’t swing a Genghis Khan quote past people these days.
Thanks BC, I think that is it.
It’s just that some people don’t really have that core you are talking about.
You can make an effort and try to develop it. I think that is what buddhism is about, but if it doesn’t come to some extent naturally then you just don’t “have it” somehow.
I just don’t “have it.” I never did. And I don’t mean to be maudlin about it at all.[/quote]
bob, you posted this while I was writing my post above.
I understand what you mean, I really do. I struggle with very dark, psychotic depressions, on about a two year cycle of bipolarity. The older I get, the less effective meds are. Finding this ‘core’ is essential to me, otherwise I simply won’t make it. I don’t mean that I will commit suicide - more that I will simply become less and less cognitively and emotionally able to function, in the outside world. It’s both hereditary and a result of biology and conditioning and history and circumstance.
My upbringing both damned me and saved me. I had a very isolated and unpleasant childhood so I lived in a world of my own. Then I moved to Asia where it was OK to not engage with anyone. I carry my own whatever around with me. I’m never bored or sad or stressed when I’m alone. It strikes me that you have elements of that, when you are out checking out streams and stuff?
Now the trick is to make that a positive thing, not a way of hiding. I think you’re right, that Buddhism and developing mindfulness can help with this. Your brain and your body is the most wonderful thing you will ever have. You are amazing, with the potential for anything. Don’t let stuff like feelings or anything define you, if you can help it. I feel sad? Boo-fucking-hoo! I’ve got better things to do! You are [color=#8000BF]
bob
[/color], ferchrissakes. Bend the fckers to your will!
(Not lecturing, or telling you how you should feel or behave. Just sharing some thoughts)[/quote]
Sorry to hear that Butter. Even though you are my evil nemesis on this forum, I hate to see that happen to you. You have to sort out your own problems no one else can do it for you. Just try and be happy, lots of wonderful things to live for in life.
Good wine, loads of money, room with technical stuff which doesn’t beep and that woman thingy. Although they beep sometimes.
knowing that my parents are fed, my dogs are fed and happy, I am fed and happy. It doesn’t take much. Usually the sun alone makes me happy.
Taiwan makes me very very happy. I don’t ever want to leave this place.
[quote=“blueeee11”]
Sorry to hear that Butter. Even though you are my evil nemesis on this forum, I hate to see that happen to you. You have to sort out your own problems no one else can do it for you. Just try and be happy, lots of wonderful things to live for in life.[/quote]
Thanks. I’m grand. I’ve been dealing with it since childhood, so I can look after myself and manage it very well. I’m very happy and together; I’m just ill. Depression isn’t sadness.
Thanks for your kind words, all. I wasn’t soliciting them; I just wanted to give wonder-bob a nod.
I wish I still had an evil nemesis. It would add focus to my day. Ah, the nostalgia!
B9 - that’s lovely 
Tough question, for me. Although, I guess it shouldn’t be.
My wife and son make me happy. I’m happy in Taiwan, but I wish I could get to a point where I was doing something else for money.
Too often I think I’m chasing something that’s just a little bit out of reach, and the rest of the time I’m not sure what I’m chasing. There’s often too much going on in my head.
I’m happier now than I was a few years ago. Progress?
Money isn’t that important to me, but sadly, it seems important in life. Power doesn’t interest me. I’m just happy to support my family, provide for our future and not feel like I owe anyone anything.
[quote=“dan2006”]It’s just that my worry is that the longer i stay in Taiwan, the less anyone in my current career path here will value me, if I ever did have to come back.[/quote]The above is a very, very key point.
It is warmer here, but the social safety network is based on having sons. Canada’s got a lot going for it, I am coming to realize. Especially with regard to money and savings. My friends back home make minimum double what I do. All of them own houses. And many of them get paid vacations. And many jobs match what they contribute to retirement plans. Financially it is extremely unwise to come here. You’d be far better off taking time off your Canada job and visiting Taiwan from time to time.
Having said that, it is warmer here.
edit* I would imagine I would have saved more money if I hadn’t been traipsing about going to so many cool places. I have trepidation about lack of financial security while my friends are jealous of my adventures… regrets either way.
Crush ya enemies. See them driven before you. And hear the lamentation of the women.
You lot have got some elaborate happiness formulas. Whisky and whacking off do me just fine.