There have been certain funerals that I later wished I had gone to, and others that will stay with me for all the wrong reasons. I’d say only you know what is best, and FWIW, I agree with some of the others that you have said all you need to say to your father, but I’m more inclined to think I’d be there for my mother (if it were me).
I totally sympathize with your situation though, I have something very similar that will eventually happen back home in my family, and I know that I can’t drop everything here and just go back.
Bad situation, and I am sorry to read about it. I have no clue yet how lucky I am to still have my father in good working order.
In essence you have been presented with both sides of the argument, and either action is justifiable. It’s going to leave an imprint on you either way so make it the choice you’ll feel best with in the long run. For what it is worth, I would go.
IMHO, I would take a leave and be there for the family, if not the father. Mom is going to need you there. But its up to you to stay there or return to TW.
The job thing, though–any company that won’t release you to take care of something like this is not a company you want to work for. If they are really grinding down on you to stay because of the job (ie, they won’t give you vacation time to go home for a little while), then I would quit. Seriously, we have a network of connections here that can get you set up again so you are working when you get back before too long.
Earlier this morning I talked to my sister, who drove my mother over to see him late last night. He’s on a breathing machine, so he’s on borrowed time already. When they entered his room, he made a hand signal they didn’t understand (he linked his index fingers and then broke the link, which if this was a form of his farm speak, used when machine noise is so high that it drowns out voices, means ‘kill the power’). When my mother lifted his oxygen mask, he was able to whisper ‘I give up’. He doesn’t do drama, so this is not good. X-rays show two white lungs. His lung function just isn’t there. He was catheterized early this morning. Doctor and nurses say his prognosis is very poor. He’s a fighter, but I think the little bugs are finally going to post their one and only win over my dad. Probably just a matter of time now.
I guess I needed to hear something like my sis’s story before it clicked. I called my supervisor, but no answer. I left two voicemails explaining the situation, one on his Blackberry and one on his desk, but I really need to communicate this personally. It’s odd, but explainable, that he didn’t pick up on his BB. I have a 7:55am flight tomorrow morning (refundable), so unfortunately it looks like I’ll be trying to get ahold of him as I sit at the gate waiting to board. The good news is that I should be able to hold my dad’s hand by mid-afternoon. He must be exhausted.
Thanks for the advice, everyone. You have all been most helpful, and I am very grateful. All of you.
Edit: Just remembered that my supervisor keeps his BB ringer off, but emails buzz in his pocket. Shot him an email, and in reply got “Sorry to hear about your father. Let me know if I can do anything. I will see you when you get back.” So I’ll sleep tonight.
flike, so sorry to hear about your father. Glad though that you’ve come to a decision and are going out to be there.
I went through this in 2007 when my mom’s condition (terminal cancer) deteriorated over several months and I had to figure out when to take a trip or trips home. Every family is different and everyone’s situations have their own special circumstances. I ended up flying home and being with my family three times over four months and was fortunate enough to be with my mother the night she died. It was very expensive and messed up my work situation somewhat, but I don’t regret it for a second. For me, family trumps work and/or economic considerations every time.
I wish you all the best, and sincerest of condolences to your whole family. I’m glad you’ll get to see him again, and that your supervisor was good about the whole thing. All the best; you’re in my thoughts.
