[quote=“housecat”]My mother fought fiercly not to be put into any kind of home. My “family” is so fractured anyway, that she was able to hold us off for a long time like this, even though we knew she really did not need to be living alone any longer, because my brother and I are distant–both emotionally and geographically from one another.
However, once we got her into an assisted living place, she LOVED it! She didn’t have to cook, didn’t have to do laundry–didn’t have to do anything at all. But then on Christmas day that year she had a stroke and her kidneys also failed completely. She had to be moved to a nursing home when she was released from the hospital. Though she’s gotten better, she’s never gotten better enough to go back to assisted living. One reason for this is the nursing home atmosphere itself. It’s depressing and she hates it.
She lost controle of her bowles with the stroke, but has it back now. However, she continues to use diapers because that is easier for the nursing home staff than gettting to her in time to help her toilet. That part really angers me. As for my mom, I don’t think it bothers her a bit any more. She couldn’t help it at first, and just got used to it, I guess. But it bothers me a lot that it doesn’t bother her.
My brother almost never visits her and he lives very near. I lived very far and visited twice a year at an expense that was quite great fro me because I am not welcome to stay with my brother, so have to have hotels. This also meant visits were much shorter than they needed to be. But when I was there, I took her out as much as I could manage. When doing that, she has to be signed in and out–so I know that he really was there only the two days she told me about. The staff told me that they’d never seen him and didn’t even realize that she had kids.
Now, I’m here and it’s frustraiting because, due to the time change, I can’t even talk to her much. She’s usually in bed by seven her time–I’m 14 hours ahead of her here. I used to talk on the phone to her almost every day.
Ours is a sad, sad situation. But it is what it is. Those of you with parents in their seventies and eighties, especially if they’re still able to get around and have their minds–you are really blessed.[/quote]
Good post, housecat. Makes one humble and glad all at the same time. Sorry for your predicament, but it makes the rest of us truly realize the depth of our own shituation.
Peace be unto you and yours.