What to do if spouse is missing for years?


#201

Out of curiosity, why would he have to wait a few years? If he married abroad, he can divorce abroad, right?

Thank you. I hope someone can too. It is unlikely but right now, with zero contact with my spouse and limited contact with her family, one can only guess what is going on.


#202

abandonment is grounds for divorce, at least in the States. The only thing I know about divorce in TW is that it seems easy; people want a divorce, they just sign a paper. No alimony where typically a man gets a life-sentence and is paying alimony for the rest of his life.


#203

Good. It is important that you understand what is a stake. Most importantly, that this ain’t Kansan and things work differently. You can complain but cannot change the local laws. So protect yourself. Prepare for the worst as you do against fire or quake hazards.

Learn the language. Be independent. Set aside emergency funds. Keep records of everything. Understand the role of family here. Be knowledgeable of the laws, your rights and obligations. Do not just trust what the wife or people tell you but get adequate legal professional counsel before you marry. Know what to expect living here.

If possible, live in a third country.


#204

I think if she were dead and on public records, it must be recorded on her hukou.


#205

People tend to post the bad…it skews the perception. I’m happily married and the family is kind to me.


#206

That is correct, but if he wants to marry in Taiwan also I would wait a few years to get marry here too, after the honeymoon phase is over and you see the spouse didn’t have a facade.


#207

this place also provides legal counseling.
http://www.hsfs.org.tw/news.php


#208

As it was already mentioned in others threads, don’t take the stories you hear here as a rule. There are many couples happily married (I’m gladly among them) and they even be the majority.
They just don’t go around saying “Hey, look at me! I’m married with a taiwanese and we have an amazing relationship!”.
Cases like the OP do happen, but I serious believe it’s not that common. It’s much easier to find people telling bad experiences online than good ones.


#209

It kind of is here but only if the spouse that left did so in bad faith. I really don’t get why that matters but I can’t change the laws here.

It’s only easy if both parties agree and are present.


#210

Especially when you’re looking at the divorce section of the forum.


#211

I didn’t bring this up because there is no way to prove it but she did say some pretty crazy stuff during our fights. Enough to make me feel she was mentally unstable. She said she didn’t need to work because me and my family stole all her money in her past life and my father was actually her brother…I’m serious. I really think she was loosing it. The thing is; in Taiwan, even when people are known to be insane, they often don’t get institutionalized. Her family could just be hiding her to protect her from talking crazy.
Anyways based off their replies, (still no reply to the email I posted above) it’s apparent they are hiding something. What exactly their motive is and what they are hiding, one can only guess.


#212

You need to get to court ASAP. Get your divorce with or without her consent. If they are hiding her the court has to know.


#213

Hopefully I can. Still waiting for the results from LAF. They said I should hear back not much later than Tuesday.


#214

Wishing you good luck!


#215

Thank you. If I ever get out of this, I owe you all a drink.


#216

I can totally related to this. Mental insane people do not get institutionalized and healed with pills like they do in Europe. Even more they are usually protected by legal authorities like police, court and as well laws, and families are on their side.

And when it comes to marriage do not think there are few random cases.Yea people who are happy do not share their happy life stories online, but as well many being divorced keep things to them self and try to move on. My good friend was married for 2 years in Taichung. What he thought was hard period of trying to have a baby ,was actually her doing many abortions. He wants to divorce, but family blaming him, for not making enough money to make her feel safe, secure. He ended up paying money to family for divorce papers. I know what crazy sum it is, cause i borrowed him too.

When you marry a girl from another culture a lot of things can be hidden easier from her side. Is chinese culture to save face first. They are good at hiding their real personalities and emotions. This is how they are raised. With man being crazy in love is recipe for disaster.

Reality with marriage it straight forward simple. Over 50 % of them end up in divorce. When i married i thought is for life and it end up the very badly. I admit it, was naive, but far from being dump, i come from strong connection and family, just knew i can count on them. I was always independent from early age of high school, but when i need help i made my call and ask for help.

A man should always be careful when he decided to go for marriage. Is huge legal commitment, and divorced laws are not on the side of a man. Not in the west, neither in Taiwan.

Guys protect yourself and stop being naive.


#217

it is not just a man. SE or any wife could also have hard time to get out from a bad marriage.


#218

What makes me feel weird is that there isn’t more cases like mine. How uncommon would it be for a local that knows he/she’s going to get a divorce, to walk out and disappear for revenge. Her family replies to me sometimes by email but it seems they only do that so I can’t say they completely abandoned me. Their replies are always empty and meaningless. They know I am trying to contact them and asking for her back or divorce so it’s a little weird that they only check their email once a month and reply with something so empty like telling me to take care of myself and it’s cold or accusing me of stuff like if I valued the marriage, why did I kick her out. I really don’t see the point of remaining married and avoiding divorce if we never see each other. I mean; they make me look impatient pushing for divorce, but I have been waiting 4 years for a resolution to this problem. I’ve really had enough.


#219

Maybe their idea is to ‘smoke you out’ by you losing your cool and demanding a divorce outright, then they reply and say OK you want one here is the bill and demand a large sum of money for you to agree since they have ‘proof’ that you want out.

Or its revenge… keeps you tied up unable to remarry

Or like you suggested… they just don’t know


#220

Could be this but I already told them I think we should divorce in the past and it had no result.

I suspect it’s this. Doesn’t seem legal.

I think they know where she is or at least knew at some point. She could have recently run off but I am not sure.