What to do to gain one's ex back

Disdain the things you can’t have.

I asked her that…of course she doesn’t want him to have another girlfriend. she realized that how nice he was and doesn’t want to break up like that. he isn’t that kind of guys who just want to have a sex partner.

they went out for a walk and lunch a few times since they broke up but didn’t talk about it anymore. we friends keep telling her to move on. Like one of you said earlier, it may represent that they are not for each other.

She could try going up to her ex and saying, I’ll sit here and not talk. Say everything you want and I won’t interrupt. Even if it’s for days or weeks. And then, can they do the reverse?

Talking about gender difference is pretty hard. There are men capable of understanding women and vice versa. But I haven’t known too many except thru books.

My advice to get one’s ex back — Let go.

Not let go, sit home and suffer, but let go and have a blast every single day! Romance, love, sex, it’s always a dance. It’s all back and forward, back and forward. When your love pulls back, then back again and you are still moving forward, it’s no longer a dance, it’s a chase. And what do people do when we chase after their affection? They run. Chasing after them will just make them feel guilty, and no, I don’t think guilt can ever buy love and attraction. It may buy you time, but they’ll escape the first chance they get. And would you want it to end that way?

Why am I telling you to let go?

First, it surprises them. They have taken your suffering for granted. They assume it. That’s the person they’re dumping. Who the hell is this person having so much fun? Curiosity is compelling. You get happy and relaxed with this and it hits them like a bucket of cold water that they don’t know you quite as well as they thought they did. We’re all sexier and more attractive when we’re having a blast than when we’re depressed. It’s far more compelling than making them responsible for our happiness.

Besides, when they see beyond a shadow of a doubt you’re no longer chasing after their affection they can quit running and make their decision based on what they want instead of the chase they’re running from. We often take each other for granted. Part of the reason you’ve stopped taking them for granted right now is they’ve pulled back. The water in the well really is running dry. If your love will come back it will be after “they” realize all that’s missing from life without you. They can’t know what that is till you’ve pulled back as well.

Squash that impatience — it compells you to take action out of fear and we know that causes more mistakes and bigger mistakes. Impatience is just that little voice inside your head that tells you, you can’t be happy until you know your love is glad to be back. That’s not love. That’s trying to control, for your own sake. If you are doing this, ask yourself, “Do I really love this person?” or just holding on for my own comfort?

There’s only one thing that really squashes impatience - making yourself go have so much fun every day that your brain has to go, “Well, duuuuh, guess I can be happy right now and continue taking strategic actions towards my goal.” If you just let go and trust the process, not only will you suffer less for it, but you’d probably enjoy the process more. Sure, it may or may not work everytime, but it works better than anything else. And if it doesn’t work to win them back, in the process you’ve been strengthened and prepared to let go for good far more comfortably than you are right now.

Yes, I know is your friend may be afraid. The fear is that if you let go you’ll lose them. However. you’re more likely to lose them if you don’t.

So give it a thought and good luck. But basically, my advice is simple — just let go. :slight_smile:

Whatever the case, there’s probably a huge gap in how well each of you know each other. I’ll leave it up to you to choose how to deal with it.

raventina,

your words are very wise. i think you have brought some great insight to this issue.

let go, or relax, or just live your life for yourself right now. be you, enjoy you.

i like it.

good post raventina!

That would be a nice start…But seriously the red flags are up, girls who flip out over misunderstandings will continue this pattern of behaviour. It’s best that it has happened now then further on down the road. Move on…

doesn’t work that way, if you break up with someone, even if its something stupid its very difficult to heal your heart again.

sex is not the answer either, sure its a good temporary thing, but doesn’t mean it will last

Raventina,

Yep, I agree. That’s the best way to go. No sense in pining away…