Thank you to all that replied. Iāve carefully read every post and there are some insightful thoughts here, I certainly have some more thinking to do.
Opinions displayed are spread across the entire spectrum; from kids should have to fully support themselves, right through to parents should provide enough to have a full social life.
I agree with what some have said, my wife isnāt fully on board with this. I know it, and that is what has planted the seed of doubt that is the basis for this thread.
I can say for sure that she is somewhat embarrassed or ashamed that he has to work part time, sheās already told me that at least 3 of her friends pay tuition, accommodation and give a 5 figure monthly allowance to their kids in college.
My wife grew up very very poor. Now, even though we have a bit of money, sheās not frivolous and virtually never buys nice things for herself, even if try push her to do so. But, because of the way she grew up, she spares nothing when it comes to the kids.
Weāve been together a long time, and cultural differences are generally a thing of the past. But I think thatās the root of the problem here. For me, I feel that parents in my home country that pay tuition and accommodation are being extremely generous. Very few in my social circle in university got that much.
Icon said that itās very western to think at 18 youāre out. Well, this is exactly what I think. Iām OK to let him go, I donāt want to have authority over him, I donāt expect him to support us financially when weāre old. Heās free, but weāll always be here should he need us.
To step back a bit, if I hadnāt seen a couple of blatant displays of entitlement and ungratefulness in the past 6-8 months, we wouldnāt be here now. I would have gone along with my wife, and we would have paid the lot without much thought. As I said originally, there is a supposed to be life lesson in here somewhere.
Just tuition (private university) and dorm accommodation runs ~NT15K/month, this is what we pay now. Add some spending money and itās up around the ~25K/month mark. We can afford it, not easily, but it could be done. Dorm accommodation is only available to first year students, so accommodation costs will be even more from next year on.
I can honestly say that this is one of the hardest decisions Iāve made as a parent. I feel Iām damned if I do and Iām damned if I donāt.
Heās coming back home for the weekend next week. Weāll have a good talk.