I used a pencil to scratch an itchy ear…and got the eraser stuck inside. I just returned from the clinic after having it removed.
Anyone got something better?
I got a blinding leg cramp while using the squatter and very nearly had to roll to one side of the nasty floor to get myself up.
Turning on my computer and login to Forumosa …
[quote=“dangerousapple”]I used a pencil to scratch an itchy ear…and got the eraser stuck inside. I just returned from the clinic after having it removed.
Anyone got something better?[/quote]
Dunno man. That one’s pretty hard to top.
Look on the bright side. It could have been worse. You’re fortunate in that you didn’t erase your ear.
I put my finger through the paper.
I got out of bed…
[quote=“dangerousapple”]I used a pencil to scratch an itchy ear…and got the eraser stuck inside. I just returned from the clinic after having it removed.
Anyone got something better?[/quote]
I enhaled as I walked past a Stinky Tofu stand.
I thought work today wasn’t going to suck.
I turned down a great comedy gig.
Matt
Look on the bright side. It could have been worse. You’re fortunate in that you didn’t erase your ear.[/quote]He had to have his ear removed, I don’t see how it could be much worse.
I decided to have one more beer before coming home.
I said Yes.
Try to fart silently during a performance, only to have my butt muscles not cooperate 
So a stage whisper, or we hear its gasp? It could have been a shart.
Definitely bothering to read ac_dropkick’s odious written sharts.
HG
Turning on my computer and login to Forumosa …
Again? Crikey you just won’t learn, will you? 
Edit: I just read the ruckus over the use of “Christ” as a sweary word from another thread. That’s the most idiotic thing I did today.
I decided not to have a beer after work.
Today? Stupidest? I spent $650 nt on something that I knew should have cost less. I didn’t know how much less, though. It should have been around 200.
Couldn’t find my umbrella this morning. Opened the fridge to take some fruit to work, and there it was … together with the veggies I bought yesterday. Duh!
Losing my presence of mind . . .an oldie but a goodie
[quote]In response to your request for additional information in block number 3 of the accident reporting form, I put “poor planning” as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident I was working alone on the roof of a new six story building. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500 lbs. of bricks left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which fortunately was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went up on the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the brick into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 500 lbs. of brick. You will note in block number 11 of the accident reporting form that I weigh 135 lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked from the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming down. This explains the fractured skull and broken collarbone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.
Fortunately, by that time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope in spite of my pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the 2 fractured ankles and the lacerations of my legs and lower body.
The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the bricks, in some pain, unable to stand and watching the empty barrel six stories above me, I again lost my presence of mind.[/quote]
HG
HG, that was hilarious!