I put this here because I it touches on a relationship of mine. A close friend was diagnosed with a very malignant form of skin cancer. She found out yesterday and she gave me a call. She seemed composed and doing OK but I think she will have an emotional breakdown very soon.
Physically, she is doing well. She just had a small colored patch of skin removed from her back and she has no other symptoms yet. She’s just healthy as usual.
I’m just wondering if you could offer thoughts on what she would welcome the most from a close friend. It’s been difficult getting this out of my head and I could do with some pointers to re-direct my emotions in a constructive way.
Maybe just be sure to stay in touch with her. Try to see her a bit more than usual. She doesn’t feel sick yet - and let’s hope the cancer doesn’t spread and she never feels sick because of it. You could maybe offer to go with her to doctor’s appointments.
Support, strength, and an ear or a shoulder if she needs it. For yourself, do some research about her condition and learn about it so that you can be sensitive and informed if she does seek you out to talk to.
Stay close and do what you can for her. So terribly sad. Skin cancer apparently is easy to cure in the very early stages but otherwise extremely malignant as you said. Perhaps she got it taken care of in time? But sounds like maybe not.
The fact that you started this thread is testament to your love. You just keep letting it shine through. People in potentially dire situations require that more than paltry words.
Call to check how she’s doing every so often. Don’t wait for her to call you.
Be a practical help if she needs it and if you’re able to. Cancer treatment is disruptive and time-consuming as well as debilitating. Just having someone to take over driving her to hospital appointments can be a big help.
A friend of mine had a relapse the day of his parents’ 40th wedding anniversary party (which he’d organised) and had to go into hospital. So of course everyone close to him was at the party that evening and there was no one to keep him company. I drove up and visited him and we had a great three hours or so reminiscing and just talking about life in general. That time means a huge amount to me now.
Sorry, I can’t offer any advice to make you feel better. It’s a fucking horrible and merciless disease.
Do keep her company by calling etc. but what NewYorker said is gold. DON’T show her pity or let her know how sad you are for her; I’m sure she doesn’t want to feel like she’s already dying in a hospital bed. Keep things positive, stay strong for her, keep her chin up when she’s feeling down! Don’t let her see how sad you are, but make sure she can feel the love you have for her as often as possible.
She’ll be going through different stages, so the fact that she seems to be taking it better now doesn’t mean it will stay so.
One thing I’ve seen people do around those who get sick, which really sucks, is they get awkward and stop calling and visiting. Sometimes it’s the sick person who pushes them away and they accept it, because it’s an easy excuse. But it’s not real pushing away in most cases, it’s more like a test, Let’s see if you are really going to stick around, that kind of thing. Don’t abandon them.
Contact her family and offer them your support also.
My best friend in Australia died from cancer earlier this year after battling it for a couple of years. I spent time with my friend’s family a few days after the funeral. The first time I met his sister was at the funeral (she and I have both spent most of the time since I met her brother in different countries – she now lives in Canada). Since then, she and I have remained in contact. I’m also going to be seeing his parents again when I go back to Australia in July.
My sister currently has breast cancer. I don’t really do anything different with her other than speak to her a little more often and take the piss a little less. My wife and I are going to go and hang out with her for a few days at either end when we’re back in Australia (because she lives in Sydney and my parents live in Melbourne).
My friend is doing well. She spent a week in the hospital and was released last weekend. They operated a second time to remove more flesh where the malignant mole was. They performed a bunch of tests to make sure nothing had spread to her blood, bones and other organs. The tests results all came back negative. It’s a big relief for everyone.
She remained very strong and positive throughout the ordeal. Her mom who came down from Canada took it very hard, though. She stressed herself sick, literally. She’s been here for two weeks and she’s been sick the whole time. Unable to hold food down and getting dehydrated. To make things worse, she injured her knee and she can’t walk at the moment. :s She is slowly getting better now that the test results are in.
I’m very impressed with how quickly the hospital handled her case. Less than a week after the biopsy results came in, she was in the hospital being treated and tested for everything. I don’t know if it made any difference, but she happens to tutor the man who is head of the Cancer Association in Taiwan.
My condolences for your friend, Guy, and my prayers are with your sister. Tough times…
