One of the students in one of my classes died over the weekend. It’s in the newspapers today - he drowned. Quite a few students in the class are quite upset, and many teachers don’t know what to do. Their homeroom teacher is a wreck of course.
I don’t have to teach them until Thursday afternoon, but any advice? How should I handle this? Any way I can support my students? I’m not sure which student it is yet, as I don’t know their Chinese names, and many of them in that class are ‘just faces’…
I’d like to give them a break, but we have tests in three weeks, so I don’t really have any time to slack off right now.
Really sorry to hear this. It’s hard to deal with the death of a child.
How old are they? It’s quite possible that this is many students’ first experience of death. Make sure they feel safe and cared for. Be open about what happened and don’t be afraid to show your grief.
On the other hand, traditional routines hold things together and give them security, so don’t let go of these. Be aware that grief and insecurity/fear of death doesn’t always manifest itself as ‘sad’ behaviour; some kids maybe ‘pushing the boundaries’ for a while. Be firm, without being hard.
Speak to their Taiwanese teachers to see what they think and to get more of an idea how this is dealt with in Taiwanese culture and how they will ‘explain’ it to the students.
One of my students died before. About 4 years ago. She got hit by a motorcycle. I knew her well and was very fond of her.
They were in grade 4. Her name was Claire.
I asked the kids to write about whatever they wanted. About Claire, about sports, anything. Their English level was quite high but I told them that if they didn’t feel comfortable writing in English then they didn’t have to. They could even draw a comic strip.
One of the students drew a comic strip. It was four squares. The first square was of Claire in front of a motorcyle. The second was of an amulance. The third was Claire in the hosipital with the student beside her with a machine in the background with a zig zagging line on it. The last frame was the same but the line was flat and she was crying in the picture.
I nearly broke down at that point but knew I couldn’t. I told them all that they could come and talk to me anytime they wanted as I was around 3 days a week.
I went to her funeral. It was a traditional Buddhist funeral. There were lots of pictures of her and a huge picture in the front. People got up in groups and lit insence and said “Bye Bye”.
I told the students that if they wanted to cry that that was ok. There is no shame in crying. That it in fact helps some people deal with their grief.
The student who drew the comic told me that one of the Chinese teachers in my Buxiban told them “If you cry too much, Claire’s soul won’t go to heaven”.
I said that in my class it’s ok and then when class was over went to that teacher and chewed her out.
Imagine making children feel that their feelings of grief could actually contribute to her not getting into Heaven. :fume:
I don’t suggest teachers have free discussion or release students’ emotion in an unprepared environment because group dynamic is a really tricky thing.
In Taiwan, every school should be set up with a Counseling Office, which usually has 2-3 counselors or psychiatrists.
When this sort of tragedy happens to a class, home teacher should report this case to the counseling office.
The counseling office should take action to deal with the case. (I think most of time they would have group counseling and individual counseling if individual students were unstable.)
I suggest you simple observe if individual students have strong and unstable reaction to this tragedy in your classes. If there are few, have discussion with home teacher and counseling office and let counselors interfere the case.
[quote=“Lo Bo To”]The student who drew the comic told me that one of the Chinese teachers in my Buxiban told them “If you cry too much, Claire’s soul won’t go to heaven”.
I said that in my class it’s ok and then when class was over went to that teacher and chewed her out.
Imagine making children feel that their feelings of grief could actually contribute to her not getting into Heaven. :fume:[/quote]
That’s standard. Except the teacher was only half-right. It’s the tears that count, not the crying. You can’t let the tears touch the dead person. The nurses told me that when our kid died.
What I’m worried about is that the kids won’t be able to focus on the work at hand…even though hopefully by Thursday they will be a bit more level-headed.
In Taiwan, every school should be set up with a Counseling Office, which usually has 2-3 counselors or psychiatrists. When this sort of tragedy happens to a class, home teacher should report this case to the counseling office.
The counseling office should take action to deal with the case. (I think most of time they would have group counseling and individual counseling if individual students were unstable.)
I suggest you simple observe if individual students have strong and unstable reaction to this tragedy in your classes. If there are few, have discussion with home teacher and counseling office and let counselors interfere the case.[/quote]
That’s the problem.Not every school set up the Counseling Office.
I agree with the final part you said.
Last year one of my students died.My school observed carefully the rest of students in my class .
They offered appropriate help for them till they can face the fact.
It’s not easy work that I can say.
Well I’m pretty sure I know who it is now… as I said, I haven’t gone to the class,and won’t until Thursday… but one of the students is the daughter of one of my wife’s friends, so I spoke to her after school.
It’s no wonder half the class was cut-up. It’s a class majorly of girls, and he was ‘the man’… Handsome, charming and sporty. Fairly good looking, though (IMHO) he spent too much time in front of the mirror. Not a great student - about average for a boy, but not a troublemaker - and quite friendly outside of class. He was the cool one. The girls loved him~
The irony is that he was actually a very good swimmer and had quite a few wins at various swimming contests under his belt. He was rescuing another boy (succesfully) when he got stuck between two rocks. And well…
The word is that a foreigner was there and rescued another boy (there were two needing rescuing)… It happened at the waterfalls in Taiping (Taichung County) on Sunday.
I was the same age as these students when two friends of mine passed away from two unrelated medical conditions. As someone who’s been through a similar loss, I’d like to offer the perspective from a student. Every student will go through this differently. Ignoring the issue, continuing with class, and refering students to the counseling center would work if none of the students in the class are close to the one that died. But if you have even just a couple of individuals who were close to that student, it will be a lot more difficult. They may be more withdrawn, or even the opposite–they may really want to talk. But they’ll also have had a few days together by the time you see them, so that can affect the dynamic as well.
My Taiwan experience has taught me that protocol is highly valued here. But the protocol kate.lin mentioned assumes that mourning students are unstable and require counseling. Here comes the science: Grief is a normal reaction to an extraordinary event. It’s a coping mechanism that allows us to deal with change and gradually return to normalcy. The untimely death of a classmate certainly qualifies as extraordinary. It’s possible that many, if not all, of your students will be grieving. Reporting them all to counseling for experiencing normal emotions associated with a tragic event might be required, but it won’t resolve what you’ll do for the hour or two you have the students in your classroom.
So the bottom line is to be prepared to be flexible. If you can run the class as usual, do. But show compassion. If there are students that are normally quite involved and seem withdrawn, you might want to say something to them after class like, “How are you doing?” and let 'em know that you’re there if they need someone to talk to. Also let 'em know it’s okay if they don’t want to talk. If the kids really can’t focus, don’t force it. If you can talk to another teacher beforehand to see how that class is doing, that might help you out as well.
(Part of this comes from having a teacher who lost all my respect when we learned of airplanes hitting the World Trade Center and wouldn’t stop class to let us call our families. Most students had family in NYC. The other part of this comes from grief management, part of EMS training.)
Well according to my student, the class is handling it fairly well now and nobody really wants to talk about it… they seem to just wanna let it pass…
As for offering to be there… I will, but I seriously doubt any of them will come forward. Most of them are already uncomfortable talking to a foreigner outside of class (even when they know I speak decent Chinese)… so in such an extreme event as this, I doubt any will.
Do you have a roll call? Make damn sure you find out who should be crossed off so that you don’t inadvertantly call on him.
The just teach the class. You’re not their homeroom teacher or a counsellor and they’re not going to be looking specifically to you for support. Your problem is one of classroom management, not one of “how do I personally make this OK for all these kids?” After four days of dealing with it with all their other teachers they may be past the point where your efforts are necessary. “Oh no, we have to say how we feel again?”
They’re 15/16 years old, this is not an inexplicable event. You can expect the kids to behave a bit weirdly, but life goes on and this is not the end of the world. They know that, and apart from knowing that you care they shouldn’t expect a lot more from you.
I would take a close look at what I’m teaching that day, and indeed for the next couple of weeks. Nothing with pictures of people going swimming, for instance. If students want to talk about it then they will, and you need to be prepared for that, but there’s no sense in setting them off inadvertantly.
They’re probably not going to be very focused so you might have to lower your expectations of them a bit. And if they don’t do well in their exams, well, will it be only their English scores that are low? Are they going to be punished? Miss out on a chance at university? Nah, it’s first year. Doesn’t matter. At this point the exams are only useful if they need something to focus on to take their minds off what has happened. If they’re still in the grieving stage then I would roll with it for a while and only ‘worry’ about the test if they show any enthusiasm.
As I mentioned, they may want to talk to you, especially if you’re considered “a friend”. I’ve had students in the past ask me how people deal with XYZ in my country. Having something suitable prepared (at least in your mind) might avoid getting yourself into an awkward situation.
[quote=“x08”]Well according to my student, the class is handling it fairly well now and nobody really wants to talk about it… they seem to just wanna let it pass…
As for offering to be there… I will, but I seriously doubt any of them will come forward. Most of them are already uncomfortable talking to a foreigner outside of class (even when they know I speak decent Chinese)… so in such an extreme event as this, I doubt any will.[/quote]
And sanity prevails.
Fer chrissake protect your little charges against the ministering of grief councilors! Nothing worse than a bunch of moping teenagers inflicted with councilor induced PTSD! What an accursed pseudo science!
StarrStruck, you don’t suppose that your teacher did the right thing by not allowing a mass hysteria session of beaverish little drama queens all frantically phoning home, many not contacting people and all that would have meant?
Beaverish drama queen? Is that what you would call your child if he called home to make sure no one in your family died in a terrorist attack? Come on, let’s be civil here. A terrible tragedy had occurred and the OP asked for some advice. It seems to be resolved at this point, but really, can we please keep a certain level of decency here?
Counseling is not psuedo science. It is very helpful for those who need it. People who are hit particularly hard or have trouble grieving may benefit from counseling. My point was that grief is a natural response to a sad event, not necessarily a sign of instability. Like I said, it’s a coping mechanism. My suggestion is to allow some flexibility, that’s all. If you disagree, then by all means disagree. But please, let’s not resort to name-calling and sarcasm.
[And for a clarification, it was a senior year constitutional law class that was being taught by a provisional teacher because the original teacher was dying from Lou Gherig’s disease. These kids knew what it was like to watch someone they care about die. Allowing those with family in NYC to contact their parents is just what every other teacher in the school did that morning, and there was no mass hysteria. They simply allowed their students to step out into the hallway and make a call. The school arranged for students who wanted to go to home to go home, and most teachers allowed the remaining students to decide how to conduct class that day. This ranged from discussions, watching the news, and one teacher I had took the time to teach about Bin Laden and the Taliban. From the viewpoint of the school district’s administration, this was the most appropriate course of action to take. The teacher I mentioned was later reprimanded for his behavior.
As one of the students who called home that day, I was very relieved to find out my relatives were all safe. But it was hard to reach friends who were in the middle of it all, and for that reason focusing in class was not an option for most students that day. Those who had missing relatives went home to be with their families, and those that stayed consoled each other and asked questions. Rather than ignoring tragedy, most our teachers chose to address it and facilitate discussion.]
Would it ease your mind to know I was once a counsellor? Counselling is a seriously subjective process and because of this it is seriously flawed. But just out of interest, where or how do you assign the tag “science” to it? From Freud, Jung, or Skinner and his box?
You might want to do some alternative reading on PTSD, as this is one of the most unsuccessful folies of modern counselling. It has literally locked millions into a belief that they are permanently fucked.
Yes I would, especially if he had insisted on doing so during a class. Do recall that phone lines were a premium in the NYC attacks and that having thousands of frantic little teens calling their uncles and aunties in New Jersey to ensure they weren’t somehow collateral damage is obviously no help to anyone.
Quite a dramatic little class that one, sure you are fully over it? Could conselling help? I might be available next week, if you’d like.
