Stop exaggerating. 
[/quote]
Ok, ok, I admit, I threw in a couple extra in outs to impress the crowd. 
I think itās better to have children when theyāre really, really young. Unless you want to adopt.
Hope that helps.
where is the option for āimmediately puberty sets in, like we were obviously designed to doā?
Well considering that itās my body that would (hypothetically) get pregnant, I will have full control over what happens if and when that occurs, and Iām prepared to do whatās necessary to ensure that I do not make any spawn.
Even after six months teaching in a bushiban, where Iāve seen pretty much all the kinds of kids imaginable, Iām still convinced that even the wonderful ones are not for me.
[quote=āsuperemmaā]
Even after six months teaching in a buxiban, where Iāve seen pretty much all the kinds of kids imaginable, Iām still convinced that even the wonderful ones are not for me.[/quote]
Sorry about asking this, however roughly whatās your age. Lots of women think that way when they are in their 20ās however it changes when they get into their 30ās.
There are only two kinds of kids: yours and other peoplesā.
How you program your kid is entirely up to you.
Ours is careful, independent as hell, fearless and reads for pleasure. Neither thing is a surprise.
My wife and I were deadset on not ever having any children. We dreaded the thought of losing our freedom, and for the next few years at least we plan on enjoying DINKs (Double Income No Kids) that TC mentioned as much as possible. But I dunnoā¦after we take a few long vacations, explore the world a little, eat thousands of peaceful dinners and what notā¦whatās left? Weāre still not sure, but having kids is no longer a definite ānoā for us.
That you need to apologize before asking it does hint that you shouldnāt be asking. True, this is a trend, but Iām really disinclined to judge othersā opinions by their age - especially not now that Iāve heard my 90 year old grandparents devaluing the opinions of my aunties and uncles because theyāre only 60 year old whippersnappers. Maybe Iāll change my mind and Iām open to that chance in the future, but for now itās seeming more like a never thing. Even if I were to become pregnant, itād be a big hairy deal requiring all kinds of genetic testing. Iād rather be sterilized now to avoid that kind of grief, to tell the whole truth.
Reason: Out of five kids in my fatherās family, three of them had heart defects which proved fatal in the long term, and my father was one of them. Myself, I donāt have any isses that interfere with my life now, but my ticker isnāt quite as it should be. Better not be passing that on.
[quote=āsuperemmaā]
Reason: Out of five kids in my fatherās family, three of them had heart defects which proved fatal in the long term, and my father was one of them. Myself, I donāt have any isses that interfere with my life now, but my ticker isnāt quite as it should be. Better not be passing that on.[/quote]
That piece of information is important. Sory, I did not know about this, which changes everything.
[quote=āMother Theresaā]
Pssshaw. . . I had my girl at age 43 (my wife was 33). No problem getting her pregnant: just in, out, in, out, in, out, in, oops. . . . . and 9 months later I was a daddy. And, our girl is perfectly bright, healthy and free of cellular errors. In fact, weāre now thinking of having a second.
I admit, early 40ās is a little late to have a child, but I guess I wasnāt ready earlier and I donāt see it as a problem. When my girl turns 18 Iāll be 71. Yes, thatās getting old, but people live longer and longer nowadays. Iām fairly fit and healthy and expect to live to about 90 or so. Sheāll be 37 then, hopefully graduated from college, embarked on a career, married and with child/ren of her own. Perhaps thatās the most significant issue ā how much time will I get to enjoy with my grandkids? That will be nice some day, but. . . whatever. . . things happened the way they happened and Iām perfectly happy with where I am now and am thrilled to be a father, even at my decrepit age.[/quote]
Well this makes me feel a little better. Iāll be 43 in October and my first baby is due late November. Donāt know if itās a boy or a girl yet.
Everyone on this forum should expect a number of loud desperate pleas for help in the near future :help:
[quote=āGilgameshā][quote=āMother Theresaā]
Pssshaw. . . I had my girl at age 43 (my wife was 33). No problem getting her pregnant: just in, out, in, out, in, out, in, oops. . . . . and 9 months later I was a daddy. And, our girl is perfectly bright, healthy and free of cellular errors. In fact, weāre now thinking of having a second.
I admit, early 40ās is a little late to have a child, but I guess I wasnāt ready earlier and I donāt see it as a problem. When my girl turns 18 Iāll be 71. Yes, thatās getting old, but people live longer and longer nowadays. Iām fairly fit and healthy and expect to live to about 90 or so. Sheāll be 37 then, hopefully graduated from college, embarked on a career, married and with child/ren of her own. Perhaps thatās the most significant issue ā how much time will I get to enjoy with my grandkids? That will be nice some day, but. . . whatever. . . things happened the way they happened and Iām perfectly happy with where I am now and am thrilled to be a father, even at my decrepit age.[/quote]
Well this makes me feel a little better. Iāll be 43 in October and my first baby is due late November. Donāt know if itās a boy or a girl yet.
Everyone on this forum should expect a number of loud desperate pleas for help in the near future :help:[/quote]
Congrats! My dad was 40 or 41 when he had me. and I turned out OKā¦ a few short of a six-pack, but other than that the light bulb is on, and the plumbing works.
What if you have them and you donāt like them?
I was always one of the never-ever crowd, but now Iām starting to think it wouldnāt be that bad. Actually, Iām more just curious what they would look like. And I think it would be cool to name them Woolf and Wilde, and go show them off to the family and stuff. But, I also love lying in bed until 10 or 11 over the weekends, and going out every now and then, and traveling to India and other cool places.
How do you know whether you really want kids, or if itās just your biological clock working against you?
My mother is still in her 40s.
Iām scared I just wouldnāt like my children. Iām afraid I would just leave them outside a 7-11 one day. Itās not really a risk I want to take.
Congratulations, itās a great experience. Life will never be the same (in a good way mostly).
[quote=ātwonavelsā]What if you have them and you donāt like them?
I was always one of the never-ever crowd, but now Iām starting to think it wouldnāt be that bad. Actually, Iām more just curious what they would look like. And I think it would be cool to name them Woolf and Wilde, and go show them off to the family and stuff. But, I also love lying in bed until 10 or 11 over the weekends, and going out every now and then, and traveling to India and other cool places.[/quote]
Donāt have kids yet. Youāre not ready. They take constant effort from nighttime feedings and diaper changes, to bathing, feeding and dressing them as toddlers, talking, playing and reading with them, taking them to the nanny, doctor, park, school, etc. They will become number 1 in your life and you will have to change completely to accomodate them.
Thatās not necessarily a bad thing. True, it means no more going to movies or nice restaurants or quiet evenings at home, no more lying in bed till 10 or 11, and cutting back on travel (my girlās three and has been to the US a few times, as well as Japan and Vietnam, but itās a different sort of travel ā figure in nap time, potential feeding difficulties, need for a stroller, etc). But all that is easily outweighed by the huge joy of having a child. Theyāre amazing: totally beautiful, innocent, funny and exciting, they will constantly amaze you with the things they say and do and, despite the many struggles, once you have a kid youāll know itās the right thing. Hopefully anyway. Apparently some parents donāt feel that way and donāt give their children the care and attention they totally crave, and thatās abuse pure and simple. If youāre not ready to turn your life over to your child (ok, thatās a slight exaggeration but not much) then donāt do it.
If you want a kid to give it a cool name and show it off to your friends, thatās not enough. If you really want to know, why donāt you start spending time with someone with small children to get a feel for what itās all about.
Wow. Many people from very different places on this forum. My folks are nearing 80.
You will love your child. I donāt know how one couldnāt. They can be a pain in the ass, but you will love them. But if youāre not ready, thereās no harm in waiting. Or in not having a child. That is a perfectly legit choice. But certainly if one is in his/her 20ās thereās no hurry.
Jack Burton, Mother Theresa
Thanks, I figured it was about time. Iāve done the travelling thing for quite a few years now, so we decided it was time to have a baby before I really get too old.
[quote=āMother Theresaā][quote]
You will love your child. I donāt know how one couldnāt. They can be a pain in the ass, but you will love them. But if youāre not ready, thereās no harm in waiting. Or in not having a child. That is a perfectly legit choice. But certainly if one is in his/her 20ās thereās no hurry.[/quote][/quote]
Lots of people regret having children and donāt care about them at all. Itās just hard for them to say that out loud in modern society. I can see myself being fairly ambivalent.
Iām 32. Tick tock.
[quote=āMother Theresaā]
Pssshaw. . . I had my girl at age 43 (my wife was 33).
When my girl turns 18 Iāll be 71. [/quote]
I hear Fu Xing elementary school has a strong Math department. Better to send her there, old bean.
[quote=ātwonavelsā]What if you have them and you donāt like them?
I was always one of the never-ever crowd, but now Iām starting to think it wouldnāt be that bad. Actually, Iām more just curious what they would look like. And I think it would be cool to name them Woolf and Wilde, and go show them off to the family and stuff. But, I also love lying in bed until 10 or 11 over the weekends, and going out every now and then, and traveling to India and other cool places.
How do you know whether you really want kids, or if itās just your biological clock working against you?[/quote]
I kind of feel this way too. Iāve never had any desire to have children and I donāt really see a point to it. I donāt know that my genetics are anything I really need to pass on, although I donāt recall anything so immediately life-threatening as a heart disease in my family. People say laborās no big deal, but I donāt believe them. And Iām not too interested in morning sickness or having my body stretched out of shape for nine months. People say pregancy is a wonderful time to bond with a childā¦Well, they also say drinking alcohol will help me to relax at a party. There are simply some experiences I donāt care to have.
Iām nearing 30. Iāve had the names picked out for my four never-to-be children since I was 19. But, even when I picked those names, I knew I didnāt plan to have any children. I even researched all the methods of birth control and decided that I would make sterilzation (preferably of the man as I believe itās safer and more secure) a prerequisite to a marriage contract.
My uncle still tries to tell me Iāll change my mind. My aunt told him that she wouldnāt marry him unless he agreed to no children, but 7 years into their marriage, when they were nearing 40, she changed her mind. He thinks Iāll do the same.
I think I rather like sending children home at the end of the day and going back to my quiet apartment alone.
Iāve decided that curiosity about what theyād look like and the fun of choosing their names is not a good enough reason to have children.
If I do change my mind later, Iāll adopt. There are plenty of children out there that need love; no reason for me to make my own. My bloodline is not so special. And I have no trouble fully loving a child that wasnāt born of my body.
In any case, Iāll be helping to reduce any potential environmental problems caused by overpopulation. 
This is the question I constantly ask myself as well, āWhen is the right age to have children?ā
Since the beginning of this year, my urge to start having children is getting stronger and stronger. Call it my ābiological clock tickingā, but I really donāt know how else to describe this sudden desire. I started looking at a lot of children in the shopping mall, thinking about the things Iād do for my childrenā¦etc. I just turned 27 a few days ago and even though I know it may sound a little young for you all on this forum, I feel like I am running out of time to have a child before I turn 30.
The major factor to prevent this from happening, is of course, financial issues. My husband is in the military and is away quite often. We still live in an apartment, with car loan, student loan, and other debts. We are just starting to plan our wedding almost 3 years after being married because we simply couldnāt afford to do so right when we were married. I just feel like weāre never getting ahead. Now the wedding planning (without little help from both of our parents) is in progress, itās going to put us into even more debt. All in all, being able to afford a child in the next year or two just may sound financially far fetchedā¦ When I expressed this baby urge to my husband, he always tells me not to worry about it and that we can always have our child later. āLATER?ā I thought, I can not shake the feeling like I have to have one before I turn 30!!
I just feel like in the modern society these days, most of the people can not be financially stable, or set enough to start having family after the age of 30 or mid 30s. When I hear my husband talk about how heād like to have a house with a backyard and a dog, or travelling to Southeast Asia or Europā¦etc, I just get a little depressed because I feel like I want to ruin his dreams by having a child, whoād probably take up most of the expenses in the household.
So when is the right time to have children? Probably after 30ā¦
Freecia, 30 sounds about right for you in my opinion, assuming youāre happily married to your husband (despite his frequent absences due to being in the military). I understand youāve been married about 3 years now and 30 is about 3 years in the future. That gives you plenty of time to discuss it, get a mutual committment to go forward with it, implement a sensible plan to save money and pay off your debts, and make that baby.
If I were you, Iād consider making that the target. Begin telling him you want to have a baby by age 30. Donāt let the comment fade away into a general āi wish. . .ā followed by some diversionary tactics to switch the subject. Make him deal with it. Get him to commit. The money shouldnāt be a problem at all. Plenty of poor people around the world have children. I doubt your situation is so extreme. Pay off all credit card debt first, and other loans, and if CCs have been a problem cut them up and use cash/checks in the future, or at least donāt let them accumulate. Cut back on luxuries ā dinners out, movies, expensive clothes, travel, etc. Get a job if you donāt have one, and start paying yourself first every month (open a ābabyā account and deposit $100/month without exception; in 3 years youāll have $3,600). Babies arenāt really so expensive. The bigger issue is how they completely consume all of your time, but thatās something one gets used to and itās worth the trade-off as they bring so much joy into ones life.
3 years is far off enough into the future that it should be perfectly easy and reasonable for both of you to adjust to the idea by then and prepare yourself financially and otherwise. By that time youāll have been married 6 years. If it takes longer than that to figure out that you want a baby and to create one, perhaps thereās something wrong. I realize itās not ideal for you to raise the child while he keeps leaving town for work, but plenty of women do it and you can too. Your kid will be alright, youāll be alright. If he canāt commit to have one 3 years from now, perhaps he has unreasonable fears or something else may not be right. Talk it over with him, try to set age 30 as a firm deadline and get him to commit.
I feel like a sellout to my gender (male) 
, but thatās how I feel.