Where can you watch the racing? Apart from on a computer. The Grand National is fastly approaching.
The Tavern showed the National live last year, and ran a sweepstake.
Welcome everyone to the 2003 Punters’ Cup. The weather is rather wet and windy which should slow down many horses’ performance today. Last year’s winner, Carnegie’s, is the favourite, but there are some unknown nags in the race that could produce a boil-over. Brass Monkey, entering its first major race, comes from the stodgy Windy City stable, but is being ridden by a clueless jockey from Queensland, so anything could happen.
OK, everything is ready. Bang! The gates open and the horses are away and running in the 2003 Punters’ Cup! Carnegie’s is off to a good start,
followed by Roxy 99, then Tavern sponsored by 364 different breweries and MOP neck and neck, then back a length to 45, DV8, Malibu, Salsa Latina and Dan’s, then followed by Voice, GET and Sean’s, with Combat Zone in last spot. The horses round the first bend and … begorrah! Sean’s has collapsed! It had reportedely been suffering from a severe case of Irish measles, so to let the horse run was obviously a mistake. … Carnegie’s continues strongly, pulling away from Tavern, much to the delight of the Carnegie’s cheer squad led by a bonnie lass named Wednesday. Shannon is moving up on the outside, overtaking MOP but a length off Roxy 99. That’s strange, Shannon’s jockey has a picture of Bob Marley on his shirt…Never mind, on with the race. Brass Monkey is boxed in, but what’s this? The jockey has pulled out an English dictionary! And I thought I’d seen everything on the race track! Anyway, word from our sources who were down at the stables before the race is that Brass Monkey had eaten some bad food before the race, so it may not be up to the task today.
Holy Hyena! A sand storm has appeared from nowhere! Most of the crowd are leaving their seats and reaching for hankies or brollies to cover their
mouths and faces. The sand has thrown the horses off track, and a few are down. Hollywood Underground looks in particularly bad shape. As the horses turn the second-last bend, the severity of the sand storm seems to have lessened. What on earth? The Brass Jockey has now pulled out a volume of Encyclopaedia Britannica! You’d think this were quiz night! Anyway, Brass Monkey has surged forward, overtaking Tavern who stumbles after the overweight jockey gets distracted by half a million TV screens on the other side of the race ground and getting trough his 15th divorce with 80 twins to his name. A few lengths back, Shannon is putting in the strides - rather noisily I might add, but that’ll be music to the ears of cash starving Shannon’s owners.
Carnegie’s pounds down the home straight, but suddenly some mud is flung up into the jockey’s face and the horse slows momentarily, but Carnegie’s is over the line by a nose and a half, with Brass Monkey 2nd and Tavern 3rd! A sterling effort there from Carnegie’s, which recently had Iraqi omelette added to its diet, and good late runs from Tavern, live and exclusive (he is 40 she is 22) and Shannon. At the back, Bobnwundaye performed admirably, despite being the youngest horse in the race.
Cheers Flatcap for good advice. I will be there.