As I near middle age, I find that my stomach shows in a most distressing way. Should I wear stripes or spots to cover this problem? Thanks for any and all serious replies.
I would say wear stripes and wear stripes that are going vertically… it will make you look longer (taller) and hence make you appear thinner
Yes, your bum does look big in that 
Hey, just stand next to me. I promise you’ll look thinner. The only way I’m going to look thinner these days is if I start hanging around with “Fat Bastard”. 
Don’t wear bold patterns as you enter middle age. You’ll look ridiculous. Wear solid colours, preferrably all dark, since you’re fat. Don’t wear light on the bottom and dark on the top, or vice versa. It breaks you up. Don’t wear plaid shirts either. They’re ugly. Or plaid trousers.
Wear only quality clothes that are made of good materials and fit well.
Don’t wear white pants or white shoes or gold chains or ankle boots, unless you’re Italian.
[quote=“fredericka bimmel”]Don’t wear bold patterns as you enter middle age. You’ll look ridiculous. Wear solid colours, preferrably all dark, since you’re fat. Don’t wear light on the bottom and dark on the top, or vice versa. It breaks you up. Don’t wear plaid shirts either. They’re ugly. Or plaid trousers.
Wear only quality clothes that are made of good materials and fit well.
Don’t wear white pants or white shoes or gold chains or ankle boots, unless you’re Italian.[/quote]
Goddammit, stop raking through my closets, Fredericka! And how dare you describe my tartan bondage trousers as ugly!
To all who responded. Thanks for bringing me comfort and good advice in my middle-aged spread. Knowing that there is HELP out there will help me get through another day.
Frederika. I must admit. I am wearing light gray twill pants, a red shirt (polo) and a navy blazer. Is this a no way no how FAT enhancing outfit?
Thanks again for the input.
Who’s your fashion role-model. Arthur from MAUDE?
Perhaps given the negative reactions to some of my posts, I should try my luck with tar and feathers? That said, surely in something as safe as do spots or stripes make me look fat, I should be free from political attacks?
Paisley is always good…especially if you have a dime bag and a bottle of Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill Wine. 
Fred Wrote:
For Christ sake Fred, it’s 34 degrees out these days. Don’t you know you can’t sweat off the pounds.
Fredericka’s advice would be more useful if you were still living in North America or Europe. Lighten up there a bit Ms. Bimmel. We’re in the tropics. John Travolta bright white pants are not nice, but lighter than stone or off-white, not quite creamy (damn, we need an eskimo here to distinguish all these shades of white) colored are quite appropriate and tasteful for this kind of climate (though it does tend to get dirty fast). But then it depends on the material they are made from (Fredericka’s dead right on that).
Personally, I feel you can’t really go wrong if you stick to something safe and conservative. That’s why tomorrow I’ll be wearing my penis gourd with my body (of course!) smeared with goanna tallow to keep the mosquitoes away.
This one will tend to make you look fat:
rhymer.net/New%20Folder/gourd1.htm
While the stubbier one, a better fit actually, will have you looking rather slim:
tellmewhereonearth.com/Images4/MVC-484S.JPG
You can buy your penis gourd right here:
[quote=“fredericka bimmel”]Don’t wear bold patterns as you enter middle age. You’ll look ridiculous. Wear solid colours, preferrably all dark, since you’re fat. Don’t wear light on the bottom and dark on the top, or vice versa. It breaks you up. Don’t wear plaid shirts either. They’re ugly. Or plaid trousers.
Wear only quality clothes that are made of good materials and fit well.
Don’t wear white pants or white shoes or gold chains or ankle boots, unless you’re Italian.[/quote]
Holy shit! I think Fredericka needs her own “Dear Fredericka” thread to answer all our fashion, finance and health questions. 