I’m with a girl for a few months, everything’s nice and slick. But one month ago, both went to have std blood test and all is clean. Before I was consistenly using condom not only for std but also to make sure I won’t impregnate her.
Since then, she keep sayins she takes pill and we don’t need to use condom. At first she was just like a “well it’s nice, you don’t need to use condom, going full feelings”. I kept using. She become more insistent and I felt her desire got a slow down since I refuse to not use condom. She seems like a good girl, I would say trustable, but in the same time I’m afraid that she lies to me, drop the pill one or two day “by mistake”. This kind of story. She’s a very good shot in bed, she has plenty of fantaisies (that change from the cold girls down there).
So anyone heard of this kind of story ? Do some taiwanese girls use this strategy to trick guys into forced parenthood, mariage or make him pay hell out of it if he doesn’t want to be a father ? Did it happen to anyone here ? Red placard blinking all over ?
Future isn’t the problem. the problem is I don’t want be forced into parenthood at 24. I know some taiwanese girl have mixed-race baby fantasy but I don’t know what they would be ready to do to fulfil it (fool the guy ?). I’m bit afraid she gets pregnant because “oops I forgot to take pill last days”.
From a woman’s point of view: run. Like followed by hellhounds. Trust your gut.
Call me paranoid, but it takes a really long term relationship to trust a guy to ride bare saddle these days. And I am talking about HPV and minor offences only. Not the big 18 years to life commitment. To say “it if for your pleasure”… something is fishy.
Yes, I have seen too many “take me to America” types… even in local girls with guys NOT from the US. But OTOH maybe it is just her girlfriends tell her they are doing it without condoms, no problem! (leaving out abortion stories, no doubt). Anyways, someone mature and responsible about her sexuality would understand it is not you do not trust her, but it is the reasonable thing to do these days.
Fantasies and experimentation are OK, if you are OK with it. If you are not OK, think, you wouldn’t force her to do something against her will, right? If it was the other way around, you’ll be skewered.
Note: Auntie Peng is old fashioned, and grew up in the AIDS era.
There’s too many things we don’t know, and probably some stuff you don’t either. But taking things as you have said, why don’t you just thank her for her consideration, and then ask if she knows that the pill isn’t 100% effective. And what would happen if she fell pregnant. Even condoms aren’t 100% safe, but they add an extra… layer of safety.
You need to more about the kind of relationship you have with her, and what she wants out of it.
keep it on!!! No girl is worth an std or a baby…really. Your safety should be the most important, plus, I doubt she is the one spending money on the condoms!
For STD we both got fully tested about a month ago as I said, both clean. So I’m not really afraid about that.
We had a talk earlier, she said she would agree using hormonal copper IUD, I have read on medical page that it has a 0.2% failure rate (which is very low, even under condom failure rate which is is from 2 to 18% !). So the problem seems settled, I think she’s a good girl in the end. I was just afraid of getting tricked. We also talked about abortion and she was of course a bit frightened by it but also told me she would really consider my position and never ignore my will (yeah I know it’s just words, but still good to hear them, plus she seemed sincere).
So that is. For those who will cross similar situations, think about hormonal copper IUD.
[quote=“folamour”]For STD we both got fully tested about a month ago as I said, both clean. So I’m not really afraid about that.
We had a talk earlier, she said she would agree using hormonal copper IUD, I have read on medical page that it has a 0.2% failure rate (which is very low, even under condom failure rate which is is from 2 to 18% !). So the problem seems settled, I think she’s a good girl in the end. I was just afraid of getting tricked. We also talked about abortion and she was of course a bit frightened by it but also told me she would really consider my position and never ignore my will (yeah I know it’s just words, but still good to hear them, plus she seemed sincere).
So that is. For those who will cross similar situations, think about hormonal copper IUD.[/quote]
There’s no such thing as a hormonal copper IUD. It’s either hormonal or copper.
I’ll echo what others have said. You need to maintain responsibility for your own gametes at all times. I wouldn’t even trust the copper thing unless you are there when it’s installed.
I’m not saying anything bad about the girl you are with- I think it’s fairly rare for a woman to “accidently” get pregnant on purpose, and if she seems like a “good girl” and you trust her (and she seems to value her own life and happiness) than she’s probably not one of those women.
I’m just saying that if you don’t want a pregnancy/std, you take responsibility for birth control yourself.
Six years ago, an ex gf here got pregnant purposefully trying to force me into parenthood by playing this pill game.
She also seemed like a nice girl with a UK Masters degree and perfect English. Get your kit out and wrap it up. Honestly - you don’t know if you’re fucking or you’re getting fucked OP.
Yes, my bad. I’m not an expert in gynecology :p. After reading some, I’ve read copper’s one is better, less side effect because there is no hormonal stuff.
Yes, I will go with her to see the gynecologist because she said she’s a bit scared, we agreed on going next week.
After one can think that she is going to have it removed next week, but I really don’t think so in the end. She’s not a casual date (actually I met her at swimming pool not at expat’s clubs) and was virgin (virgin at 22 says something about her personality I think ?) .
She doesn’t fit much in the bad girl criterium and her father’s died years ago and her mother is in final stage (year I know it sucks… I have bring her flower last time at hospital, she was very nice to me and just asked me to take good care of her daughter). She’s very open about either staying in Taïwan or living abroad, etc.
My thread was all about my fear because I don’t want to be father before 30. But I will keep in my mind all your advice and stay very vigilant.
Well she wasn’t at start, but it escalated quickly (we have been together for 7 months). Not sure why this would be a problem. Each person has its own libido…
I remember I was quite the same at my first time back then, shy and clumsy, then it also escalated quickly after discovering how delightful it is…
She may not be consciously trying to get pregnant, but biological imperatives can make people do things they might not otherwise.
My personal phobia is STDs - there are several that won’t show up on tests. As for pregnancy, I think NTLT had some sound advice:
OTOH that doesn’t necessarily mean condoms if you don’t want to use them (and her opinion counts here). Try some Sting-like self-control, for a start, and if she has clockwork periods, time them. There’s a relatively safe window about 4 days before. If she really is taking the pill then consider it an extra layer or protection; or if she “forgets”, the chance of pregnancy is (statistically) about the same as using condoms, possibly better. Reading between the lines, it sounds like you guys have some trust issues, but there’s no harm in taking a belt-and-braces approach regardless.
Obviously, if you want to keep using condoms, then do that.
IUDs can be really nasty. Think twice then think twice again. My mother had two ectopic pregnancies and became infertile and she had already had children. They are not recommended in the UK (my country) for women who haven’t had children. They can also make you bleed a lot and give you a lot of pain. They’re disgusting to have inserted as well. Intrusive and painful for many women.
I didn’t read the thread all the way and I’m assuming she’s very young. The hormone injection’s probably the thing for dealing with either inability to take a pill a day or neurotic boyfriends.
There are IUDs and there are IUDs. Our mother’s generation IUDs are not the same as todays’, thankfully, as are not the contraceptives. IUDs had a bad rep because of what you say, but new materials, technologies -the hormone contraptions also falling under IUD category- make them a lot less dangerous than before. However, as with all, and I mean, all contraceptive methods, they are not 100% proof nor without secondary effects. We are still far from the ideal in this field.
That said, male contraception pills will be a nice thing. There have been significant developments there, and they will soon be in the market. I am sure that would give a lot of peace of mind to many.
[quote=“Icon”]There are IUDs and there are IUDs. Our mother’s generation IUDs are not the same as todays’, thankfully, as are not the contraceptives. IUDs had a bad rep because of what you say, but new materials, technologies -the hormone contraptions also falling under IUD category- make them a lot less dangerous than before. However, as with all, and I mean, all contraceptive methods, they are not 100% proof nor without secondary effects. We are still far from the ideal in this field.
That said, male contraception pills will be a nice thing. There have been significant developments there, and they will soon be in the market. I am sure that would give a lot of peace of mind to many.[/quote]
Today’s are still dangerous and a bad idea for many women. The thing is, there’s no way of knowing how it’s going to go for you. Ectopic pregnancies can be horrifying. You get heavy periods with these things because your body is constantly expelling fertilised matter. They cause a hormone soup that’s no fun for many women.
Just be aware that all this stuff has a payoff: there’s a reason some contraceptives are used more than others. Just advising her to think about her options. If she’s young, the pill’s probably safest.
Why is this in TEMP? Ermintrude is right: IUDs are bad news (healthwise - why mess with your body? There are less invasive means available.)
And, to support what others have suggested: why leave it to the woman to take care of contraception when the man wants it?
The OP should remain in charge of implementing his own decisions.
Anyway, there are so many enjoyable ways (for both parties) to have sex without getting semen near the vagina, so one need not always use a condom.
Dunno, these days one wishes one could get the guy in a bath of disinfectant beforehand… just kidding, but yes, these days you can get creative.
I still believe options are better these days, in terms of low dose pills, IUDs of different materials, implants under the skin, etc, but they of could be better, and there is no one size fits all. What works no problem for someone may be a big headache for others. And many options there are. I also do agree with what you say, that both parties should be responsible for each one’s gametophytes, or rather, you have to be reproductively mature and take care of your own contraception, not leave it all to the other party. This works whether you are a guy or a gal. Even better if both are on the same page.
Or as we say n Spanish, no horse can break two ropes.
OP, as I said before, IMHO, should stick to his guns if he feels uncomfortable. And he does. It is in his best interests not to reproduce at this moment and as a responsible adult he should do everything he can to prevent a preventable outcome.
At least his girl is willing to explore alternatives and is also acting like a responsible adult in the sense that she takes charge of her reproductive ability too.
Now, as to trust issues and other, that is another story…
