Why Do People Get Married?

I’m interested. Why do people get “married”? I mean that in the legal sense.

I can understand the practicality as regards children. But if you don’t plan on having any, why bother with the rigmarole of legal marriage? Give the state some hard-earned cash so that you bandy mutual rings in flagrant, causal arrogance of your newly-found fidelity?

I don’t get it. I ask my friends why they are married. I get most peculiar replies: " Oh, for tax purposes". :astonished: “Because we love each other”. :ponder: “We wanted to tell the world”. :noway:

I’ve been with my common-law wife for 7 years. I have no reason to buy into such consumerism. Christmas and Easter wear me out enough. I don’t need some charlatan to affirm the legitimacy of my love. Yeah! Give THE MAN more personal information and data by which HE can monitor and control you.

What is it about putting on a wedding dress/tuxedo/ring and spending a vast amount of money and publically proclaiming love that is so alluring?

I’ve asked myself the same question- especially about why the government is involved, what business is it of theirs anyways? In my opinion, gov should not be involved in marriage.

As far as individuals, I guess it’s just nice to have a public declaration of their intentions- there’s all sorts of societal pressure, especially on women, “You’ve been dating for how many years, and he hasn’t proposed? Maybe you should move on honey.” In the end maybe it’s easier to spend the money, throw the party, and show parents/friends once and for all that you truly are committed to each other.
For some maybe it’s an excuse to throw a party.
For some women, it’s the one day in their life when they feel like a princess. We get that crap shoved at us pretty early- disney princesses in sparkly dresses and tiaras, fairy tales, movies that target pre-teens (princess diaries and stuff like that) and so forth.
It’d be nice to live in a world, though, where all couples were secure enough in their love that they didn’t need to get married if the idea of a wedding didn’t appeal to them.

Tradition. Social and familial expectations. A formalization of your personal commitment to each other. A sense of an even closer relationship and/or security which comes from that formalization. An opportunity to have a social celebration in which you share with your friends and family your joy in your relationship (and note that such events help bring family and friends back together when distance and the busyness of life separate us). Tax benefits. Visa and citizenship opportunities. Better working rights. A way to get the Council of Labor Affairs off your back. Avoiding the threat of her father’s shotgun. Take your pick.

None of the aforementioned involve consumerism. We got married and did not do a diamond ring, a wedding dress, a tux or a banquet.

So, that’s not inherently abhorrent?

Yes, DB. But can’t one do that in a less formal way? Are you really getting married to “help bring family and friends together when distance and the busyness of life separate us” ? Seems desperately sad to me. Is your mutual love not enough? Is validation from THE MAN what it takes?

Religion.

I was only married a short time, therefore not quite 2 cents worth but perhaps a farthing.

Basically I think that marriage must entail some difficulty. Its actually difficult for two people to get along all the time for a long time. The legal entanglements of marriage and that foreknowledge of same makes most people aware of the commitment required. And hopefully if they are willing to leap through all the hoops and hurdles it is a better demonstration of commitment, which is essential in a successful marriage.

Success of course is definable. Is it defined by length of the marriage? The children produced by the marriage? I think its defined by a better lifestyle for both parties. A successful marriage makes things better for both people, or it should in my book.

Our society is set up on the family unit preceded by marriage. Therefore there are many laws in many countries that favor marriage. Allowing many rights upon foreigners only upon marriage. Such as the right to work and/or citizenship, etc.

Marriage is a relatively modern way to stay together with someone you love. Without the “protection” of many laws that entice (or coerce as the case may be) you to marry and stay married, many couples will eventually lose their association with each other.

Ideally, you marry someone very compatible with yourself and with the benefits and protection of the law helping your marriage you procreate and produce children. Provide a proper home for them to grown and become responsible adults who in turn produce other responsible human beings.

Not being married makes it “easier” to say no to each other and walk out. Therefore adding more insecurity and lack of sense of direction. At least in theory.

Of course if two people are in a failed marriage, hate each other, etc. That marriage is like hell on earth and should be abolished.

IF one is lucky and circumspect enough to get a mate with whom he/she is enamored sufficiently with to go the distance .That is indeed good fortune and a good basis for the upbringing of children.

ON the other hand, maybe my good ol Dad was right. Marriages should be like Driver’s licenses and automatically expire after five years !! And you can renew at will or NOT. Therefore saving tons in lawyer fees (this is where Taiwan is a major win as its soo easy to divorce if both parties agree).

My first marriage scared the bejesus out of me towards marriage. But more then ten years on, im actually keen on the idea. Provided the Almighty picks the fortunate woman for me because I cant seem to find a “good” one.

Because they’re told to.

Studies have shown that married people are on average happier and healthier than unmarried people. Go figure.

Married people live longer than umarried people, but they would prefer not to…!

Actually children and heritage are the only reasons i can think of! And as Socrates said “every man should get married, if you get married with a good woman, you will be a happy man, if you get married with a “bad” woman, you will become a philosopher”

So, that’s not inherently abhorrent?[/quote]

You asked why. I gave reasons. I’m not defending the reasons, just giving them. :stuck_out_tongue:

Of course you can do it in a less formal way. We went the notary public route for various reasons.

And people who do the whole wedding and banquet thing – they’re not necessarily doing it IN ORDER to help bring family and friends together when distance and the busyness of life separate us, but those benefits to the existence of such social occasions are part of what presumably reinforce the existence of such traditions and expectations. Again, I’m not joining this thread to defend anything – just explaining some of the reasons and benefits as I see them.

Because it’s less humiliating to be pussy-whipped by a wife than by a girlfriend. :slight_smile:

Stupidity.

Insecurity.

Temporary insanity.

My wife and I got married in a registry office in the UK, followed by drinks and nibbles at my mum’s house. All my family and friends turned up and it was great fun, although I did get a little bit drunk. I didn’t think much more into it at the time, to be honest. Only set me back 2 grand sterling.

It’s an interesting question though, jimi. I think that in my case it was just the next expected stage in the relationship. Saved going through all that APRC malarkey, too :laughing: .

To get an ARC …

Some consideration of marriage in Taiwan falls in “making money” if the wedding is well planned. The ‘red envelopes’ do sometimes cover wedding expenses and yield some surplus. (PS. But not my consideration)

In my opinion, it’s a promise to overcome any problems awaiting the two to the end.
There will be sacrifice and compromises, but the peroson you are to marry deserve it.
Over time, passion may fade, biologically it’s reasonable, but love would last. At least, I strongly believe so.
Marriage is not a fairytale. It takes each other’s efforts to last.
I personally think, if one cannot take it seriously, he/she shouldn’t get married in the first place.
It’s a free world no one can force you to get married, if you don’t want to.
If you do get married, take the responisibility and the consequences for the decision you make.

A wedding is generally for couples to share their happiness with their friends and relatives ,but a lot of time much importantly for their parents’ to share their happiness with their parents friends.

The entire time my wife and I were dating, we both said that we had no intention of ever getting married. Then my contract in Taiwan was about to end and I realized that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Not knowing if I would ever return to work in Taiwan, I asked her if she would marry me and be willing to move to the US with me. We got married at the notary 3 weeks later.

We have been able to return to Taiwan a few times since then for 6 month to 1 year assignments. My father came over last January and was able to meet my mother- and sister-in-law for the first time.

I guess the reason why we got married was that it was the only way that we would be able to spend our lives together. (Since I don’t have a degree, I don’t know of any way that I could have stayed in Taiwan and been able to support us.)

:bravo: :bravo: +1.

Jimi, it’s an excellent question. I think many of us get married because its the traditional thing to do, and the women we love want to do it. Tradition is comforting to humans, no?

They also take it as a sign of our enduring commitment–makes it much harder to dump them!

There are also quite a few legal conveniences for the couple and their offspring.

Could a couple create a committed, enduring relationship without it? Sure.

Jimmy you or your SO want to do it so just do it :slight_smile: