Wife wants a restraining order

Guys…I need help again. Things have gone from bad…to crappy…to worse. My wife finally agreed to return the money…I then moved into a new apartment away from her. I emailed her about being terrified about the situation…she responded…and told me to think…to gain perspective…to change my views…to take control.

I did. I tried to contact my wife. I also tried NOT to contact my wife. I had been going out and enjoying my time as a free man…but had not overstepped any boundaries as I am still single. From time to time I would text…and ask short questions about why we stayed at home…why we never did any of the things I was out experiencing again…for the first time as a single man.

The mood swings of course would come and go…as she would completely ignore anything that was being said…but I would not classify a husband expressing his remorse for the situation or his love for a wife who had left him as harassment. Someone suggested that I contact her parents and at least offer an apology for failing their daughter as a husband…and so I did. I did not contact them thereafter.

About a week ago, I sold the rings…I sent a message confirming that I had done so. It was not exactly my best writing…as I took a slight jab back at her for calling me a “shitty” husband. I told her I had thrown my ring into the gutter where it belonged…and that although I was a “shitty” husband…she had been a “shitty” wife. I stated that we were both “shitty” to each other…not placing blame…but saying that we had both made mistakes.

I made some small efforts since I have been in my new place to talk to her…it has been a week in my new place. And the stupid part about this, is so much of what has happened could have been avoided had the two of us just sat down with a third party to have our situation MEDIATED. So…yeah…I stupidly told my wife on more than one occasion that I missed her…that I had fantasized about her…that I wished this was not what was happening. I told her I had met some interesting friends…but there was no interest in dating anyone as they weren’t “her” (not to suggest infidelity).

In my final message to her, I gave her the skinny. It was a truce that I had offered. A chance to have a sit down and just close the book. I told her that although I was firm in my position and she in hers…that we were at an impasse…at least temporarily. I told her I could not give her what she wanted at the present time. I told her that I needed to work things out with immigration. I asked for time and space…and agreed to give her hers.

Later that night I went out with a friend of mine. She and I talked at length about what had happened to her. Her situation was at least tenfold worse than my own. I felt the pain she had experienced…and as we talked, I realized this was a person I might at some point develop an interest for. I explained my situation very clearly to this person…who understood completely, and was prepared to remain friends with me in order to stay out of trouble and keep our friendship based in something more than physical attraction (which of course is there…but there is nothing that can be done).

I went home that night elated. I had met someone who had been through the same if not worse…I had met a person who thought of me as a kind and generous person, with tremendous talent. Her English isn’t as perfect as it could be (grammar)…but her UNDERSTANDING of me as a person was. She agreed to help me with my Chinese…and I agreed to help her with her English. So at this point, she is both a friend and a student. We will probably continue to meet to work on our language exchange…but have deferred romantic engagements until all is settled with my divorce…and until we have both HEALED from the traumatic relationships we were in.

I went to bed…happy…I was letting go…and it felt so good…to have finally hit the pinnacle of the hump that seemed so insurmountable when this all began. I was a bit too excited to sleep so I took a look at some information about trading cryptocurrency and starting my own business based on building educational materials for STEEMIT (a social media platform where bitcoin and altcoin are paid for content)…in order to then trade this cryptocurrency for higher valued bitcoin.

I am fairly excited about this…and am ready to get started as soon as I test my idea or vision before taking the plunge. It seems like a very smart thing to do…while working the hours I have at the chain school as a RESIDUAL income that I can count on. Additionally, these materials could be used by the chain school OR sold…as a B2B service to them. I think I have found a niche…which is EXCELLENT.

However, upon waking…I find that I had two missed phone calls from a number I did not recognize. I then saw there was a text message…it read: “Hi! I just called to contact you about your hearing at the Shilin District Office for a restraining order. I was not able to reach you and will call again around 1130.”

This absolutely wrecked my day. I had just crossed the threshold where life was starting to become easier…only to be sucked back into the murk and mire of my estranged wife’s ire. I have never hit her…I have never threatened her or her family. I have never endangered her or anyone in her family. I yelled at my wife. That is all. I emailed my wife as there was no one to talk to…she abandoned me…I had NO ONE. I am sure many of you already know what took place. But when I called back to talk to the person who called me…she seemed very apologetic. I briefly described the circumstances…and told her that it seemed like there would be no point in going to such a hearing as a foreigner. I told her I felt as if I had been taken advantage of…abused…and now this was adding insult to injury.

I called my employer…who incidentally is a mutual acquaintance…someone who is deeply supportive of MY position. Her relationship with my estranged wife is simply that of a customer. I am her employee and as my wife’s actions affect my performance at work, she is more inclined to believe things as I tell her. I told her what the situation was and I asked for her assistance in finding out what might take place. She did an amazing job.

I also am in communication with her cousins husband. A man, who like me, experienced a tragic end to a relationship like this. He has been there in some form or another throughout this entire ordeal and I am very thankful to have someone who is of the same faith supporting me along the way. He has remained impartial throughout all of this…and has spoken to his wife (my estranged wife’s cousin) about the issue…and she said that there was really not a lot to be concerned about…that it was a formality.

However, some of the language that is in the document that I read is very misleading…with words like deport, deported, disqualification, etc. It would be very tragic if my entire five years in Taiwan resulted in a separation from my Ph.D. program, the loss of friends from the United States, the loss of potential income, the loss of the chance to become a father, separation, divorce…and then deportation or disqualification from getting something I suffered nearly five years to obtain. My APRC.

Can someone shed some light on what I might expect at such a hearing? Is there a lot to be worried about? I am growing very concerned…and quite frankly, as I had already made the decision to proceed on my own path as I have newly acquired friends…and the chance to start my own business, it seems rather silly to ask for an official court document to NOT contact my wife…when in my last communication to my wife…I had stated that I would not be in contact with her.

It just seems like she is out for revenge in whatever form she can exact it.

It depends, first of all, on who wrote that document. I’ve gotten threatening letters from “opposing parties” (not in divorce, but in business) that threatened everything under the sun, and it’s scary at the time, but in the end, nothing happened because that’s what they were – just threats, trying to scare me.

If there is a restraining order on you, it’s no problem. You don’t have any intention to contact your ex again, do you? You probably shouldn’t at this point anyway. Let that just be a way of keeping your resolve strong not to do so when it might waver.

The legal stuff I can’t comment on, but I’m sure someone will be able to give you better advice. But don’t panic. That’s easy to say and hard to do, but in the end usually you’ll look back and think that you really reacted with more fear than was needed given the actual situation. I know I did.

You URGENTLY need to meet other people who are not connected with your wife in any way, shape or form. Drag yourself out and get into some activities. Doesn’t matter how stupid. There are tons of foreigner-friendly activities in Taiwan. Just go and do them, and meet people, and try your best to talk about them and their interests until you feel okay talking about your interests instead of your marriage. Not saying a friend wouldn’t want to talk to you about those things, but those new people wouldn’t be friends yet. It takes time. I would strongly advise meeting foreigners of either gender, but probably guys would be better, in preference to young Taiwanese women at this point as you are in a very fragile situation emotionally. Don’t jump from the frying pan into the fire.



Thanks for your reply. I have been getting out there…but there was a tremendous delay in getting into my new place and even getting things settled as she had retained some of my funds. As far as the TPO is concerned, I really have no interest in contacting my ex…the last message I had sent indicated this was so. I think that the clerk who contacted me may have questioned my sanity during our conversation…as it went from a “what the actual F”…to a “how ridiculously funny”. I told her that I had already asked the ex for some time to let things settle…and to acquire the APRC…and she actually chuckled a bit with me. I think she was realizing how absolutely retarded it was.

After hearing about this…I absolutely am firm in my positioning in not reconciling with her. I have changed my position…but one does not reconcile with SATAN. That is idiotic. In my time away from her, I have spent a bit more money than I have wanted to…but the best part about it is, the only person I have to answer to for doing so is ME. Very very liberating.

I have reconnected with friends from previous jobs and maintain contact with them. The only reason I reached out to her cousin’s husband was an effort to have someone attempt to talk some sense into her and just let it go. I have been talking less and less about the marriage…and more about what people seek in relationships…what THEIR interests are. I am genuinely curious…as I would be a shitty friend if I did all of the talking. Most of the former coworkers are MALE…but the new friends I have made are usually female. I figure it is probably a good idea to learn how to be friends with a woman, before I go jumping into the sack with one again. I have made a fair number of costly errors in this department and would like to at least try to break the cycle.

As far as my emotional state, I think it has stabilized a bit. I am no longer despondent as being able to get out of the apartment…looking at all of her shit has made life a lot easier. Being able to get into the new place, get a new phone…and have my phone bill paid for the next 10 months has lent a strong sense of security. Also, with the arrangement I have made…I have no utilities to pay each month. I have reduced my expenses tremendously.

I have also gained enough confidence to tread out on my own and start my own business. I have thought it through and I believe it would be a good idea to get going. One benefit I’ve noted…the credit card bill she said she’d paid was in fact paid…but there is a 3600 NTD credit on the account…and I have gone to the bank to request that the card be reissued. I have no intention of using it like a jackass…but I earned the privilege to have that card…and I intend to keep it. If they do not re-issue, the very least they could do is transfer the credit on the account to my account…since both the CC and bank account are in my name.

So…as shitty as it got there for a moment, it has gotten LOADS better. I am ever so grateful for the help I got from visiting this forum. I am thankful for the help I have gotten from some of the Taiwanese women I have met (incidentally, none of them are young…they are both close to my age…40). I’ve no interest in 20-somethings unless they really have a lot going for them…but I prefer women with a bit more life experience.

Anyway, thank you so much for your reply. When I got that call…and then started reading through the information on the government website, it just scared the living shit out of me. I have eaten shit for almost five years for this woman, and to have her take just this last little piece out of me would be too much. What kind of human being intentionally shits on the life of another? I get it…I yelled at her. But is it necessary to file a restraining order for YELLING? Fuck no. She’s batty. She pushed me over the edge…she picked the fight…she nagged until I was pissed…and then kept pushing. She knew exactly what she was doing. Most…Def…

Thanks again for popping in and giving a little push to keep me going. This is an experience I do not wish to endure…nor would I wish it upon my worst enemy.

Thank you,


Why are you telling random people on the phone about your plans for an APRC? Keep that to yourself and stop telling people who might tell your wife. You didn’t tell your wife did you?

Get all your ducks in a row and focus on your APRC. The restraining order (if it comes through) is a complication for after you have your APRC. Frankly I’m not sure how you’re going to secure a divorce if you’re not allowed to speak to your wife but unless you’re able to prevent it now deal with it later.

EDIT: looks like you did tell your wife. You fucked up. Good luck. It’s probably why she’s got the restraining order on you. I promise you her goals don’t include having you stay in Taiwan permanently. The sooner you realize that the better off you’ll be.


Well…I told the wife I needed time to straighten things out with immigration…as there is an issue in switching over in the type of VISA I hold. My wife is has dual-citizenship in the US and Taiwan. She had lived in the US for seventeen years…and isn’t one of those FOB Taiwanese women. I do however suspect a correlation between having told her my intentions as far as the length of time in delaying signing the divorce papers. There is just too great of an overlap to ignore this.

Presently, I am holding off on signing any divorce papers…though the wife seems to be strong-arming me into doing so. My employer is ready to file for the work permit…and I am prepared to get the change in ARC status prior to signing papers…but here is my concern. I have lived in Taiwan for nearly five years. I applied for two years on my current JRFV as it would allow time to apply for and receive my APRC at the end of this calendar year. My question and concern are vested in this…and I wanted clarification.

If I am currently married and approaching the completion of five years of continuous residency in the ROC…would a change in the ARC type reset this timer? This is my chief concern and why I have delayed signing the divorce papers. I want out of this marriage just as badly as my wife does at this point…I have some interests right now that would be problematic if still married (i.e. new friendships, new business venture, etc.).

If I were to go to immigration after having completed the application for a work permit and health check, to change the status of my ARC to WORK, would it affect the timeline for acquiring my APRC. If it does, then I will continue to hold off. If it does not, I will take my ass down to immigration in the middle of June to get this crap taken care of. I’ve no desire to continue dealing with the antics of my estranged wife for another six months.

Does anyone have information on this?

I dot know anything about the marriage and visa stuff but I would focus on saving some money and paying off all your debt if I was you right now. I wouldn’t put all your hopes in a new tangled internet scheme to make money just yet.

shes most likely with another guy, those messages about missing her and fantasising about her probably pushed her over the edge. not sure why you would wanna message those things to someone who is so obviously against you right now.

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You need to ask the NIA, it’s too many years since I dealt with this and I’m not up to date on anything.

For your wife, your immigration issues are irrelevant. Or more accurately, only relevant in that she doesn’t care what your issues are but if your situation is such that you have to leave Taiwan then so much the better.

If and when you get to the point of applying for an APRC, remember that the key criterion for an APRC is residency. You’re not getting an APRC “through marriage”; you’re getting one through having been a legal resident of Taiwan for five years. If the NIA try to give you a hard time or say they want to speak to your wife you need to tell them you’re temporarily living apart and she’s not speaking to you right now, “haha, you know how it is! Anyway, back to my RESIDENCY…”

If you learn that a work ARC will reset the timer the way you should deal with your soon-to-be-ex-wife’s antics is not to. Deal with her as little as possible, don’t call, but DO take her calls, and make sure that the story she hears is that you’re trying to get your shit together so that you can go back “home”. It’s taking a long time because - as she kept telling you, you’re a good-for-nothing loser who can’t do anything right. It’s perfect because she’s probably a narcissist and you’re letting her know how she was right all along and oh god aren’t “I utterly useless, you’re so smart, soon-to-be ex-wife”.

For god’s sake don’t go chasing down any other women until you’re legally divorced because you’ll only piss her off (at best!) and you’ll ruin your chances of getting any sort of cooperation from her. At worst you can go to prison for adultery. I’d recommend you don’t even hang out with other women, sharing sob stories with them etc… You probably shouldn’t even be sharing this much information on this site. (I got an angry call from my ex once because some friend of hers thought she might have maybe seen me or someone who looked like me at RT Mart with another woman.)

I delayed my ex-wife’s demands for a divorce for a year. You can give yours the run around for six months, believe me.

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I have no debt. Was in a hurry when posting and will manually visit topics rather than using direct reply.

You should probably delete all that self-identifying information. I just found you on Facebook. Which means your wife (or her friends) could end up learning your gameplan.

  1. Go to the Community Center in Tianmu. You need emotional counsel from professionals. ASAP.

You need someone who can support you without an agenda or own burdens. They may suggest courses of action including legal counseling which we may not be that clear about.

  1. Go to NIA. In person. Tell them you are interested in getting an APRC. Ask them to check the time you have been here AS PER THEIR RECORDS. This is step one. No, it may not be the same as the time you think. Then, let them explain to you what else you need. Police records from your country take some time to request, process and translate, that is the second step AFTER the date they give you as go ahead. Once they say OK with the dates, THEN you can start putting together the paperwork for APRC.

The process for APRC itself is really quick and easy and the people at NIA are usually very helpful. You shouldn’t need anyone’s help to complete it.

If push comes to shove, would you consider acquiring ROC nationality?

  1. If you want to share personal information, we have a Private Message function. Click on the person`s name and it will show a menu. Delete info from here or you will be overrun with spam, unwanted messages and or identity theft.

Good advice - except, do you still need the police record for an APRC?

I disagree with this on two grounds:

  1. The OP is American. His loss of nationality would be irrevocable.
  2. The acquisition of ROC nationality when you’re married to an ROC national IS through marriage (unlike the residency-based APRC). In this case, the fact that his marriage has broken down will come up during the process with the result that he can’t get citizenship. If he somehow blags his way through it and manages to get nationality it’s even worse because he will be at risk of having his citizenship stripped.

Did not mean to include that. Used direct reply instead of visiting topic. Guys, I really do not want to even be thinking about this anymore. What has happened here…all I know is that two months ago we were planning a family. I lost my job and that is when things really started turning to shit. My wife and I had always been faithful to each other…and this is just so…completely fucked.

I do both know the person who is doing all of this to me. She is a total stranger…

Also…I have a criminal record check from Taipei dated from yesterday. My record is clean and I would like it to stay that way.

I really do not know how to feel right now…other than saying I feel like someone is taking out some form of revenge…

You’ll have to excuse me, I’m a very simple man and didn’t want to read the equivalent of three short novels just to catch up with the latest update. I skimmed though, and the suggestion someone brought up about cheating is very plausible if not yet confirmed. Last I checked adultery is illegal in Taiwan.

So here’s some simple advice. You also stated that you’re in good financial standings. Hire a private investigator, there’s giant advertisements at nearly every bus stop. Get physical proof of her infidelity, and then use the legal system to your advantage.

Also, man to man, calm down. However you need to do it, find a safe and healthy outlet for your emotions. It’ll probably help you think more clearly.


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Yup. Thought about the same. Been trying to keep it calm…and I had until getting this crap about a restraining order… Appreciate the support. Thank you.

No private investigators. Read here about the truth about them and foreigners experiences in particular. That is not the way to win this fight but rather one that makes you lose money. Avoid!

Yeah don’t bother with the PIs most of them are crooks.

Honestly not too keen on the idea anyway. Just this whole experience has brought me to a new place…that I quite enjoy.

Pre-Wife = more fun than with wife…a little lonely
With Wife = constant chasing, nagging…still lonely
Post Wife = more fun than with wife…not lonely.

Yup sometimes the post wife phase is the best :slight_smile:

But then , who wants to talk to themselves ALL the time right?

But picking (and praying) for the right partner is key.

Well…just looking at things from a perspective of:

unmarried went to eat, events, concerts…met a lot of interesting people.

married…i would come home to an empty house…and get to see her MAYBE once a week…