Guys…I need help again. Things have gone from bad…to crappy…to worse. My wife finally agreed to return the money…I then moved into a new apartment away from her. I emailed her about being terrified about the situation…she responded…and told me to think…to gain perspective…to change my views…to take control.
I did. I tried to contact my wife. I also tried NOT to contact my wife. I had been going out and enjoying my time as a free man…but had not overstepped any boundaries as I am still single. From time to time I would text…and ask short questions about why we stayed at home…why we never did any of the things I was out experiencing again…for the first time as a single man.
The mood swings of course would come and go…as she would completely ignore anything that was being said…but I would not classify a husband expressing his remorse for the situation or his love for a wife who had left him as harassment. Someone suggested that I contact her parents and at least offer an apology for failing their daughter as a husband…and so I did. I did not contact them thereafter.
About a week ago, I sold the rings…I sent a message confirming that I had done so. It was not exactly my best writing…as I took a slight jab back at her for calling me a “shitty” husband. I told her I had thrown my ring into the gutter where it belonged…and that although I was a “shitty” husband…she had been a “shitty” wife. I stated that we were both “shitty” to each other…not placing blame…but saying that we had both made mistakes.
I made some small efforts since I have been in my new place to talk to her…it has been a week in my new place. And the stupid part about this, is so much of what has happened could have been avoided had the two of us just sat down with a third party to have our situation MEDIATED. So…yeah…I stupidly told my wife on more than one occasion that I missed her…that I had fantasized about her…that I wished this was not what was happening. I told her I had met some interesting friends…but there was no interest in dating anyone as they weren’t “her” (not to suggest infidelity).
In my final message to her, I gave her the skinny. It was a truce that I had offered. A chance to have a sit down and just close the book. I told her that although I was firm in my position and she in hers…that we were at an impasse…at least temporarily. I told her I could not give her what she wanted at the present time. I told her that I needed to work things out with immigration. I asked for time and space…and agreed to give her hers.
Later that night I went out with a friend of mine. She and I talked at length about what had happened to her. Her situation was at least tenfold worse than my own. I felt the pain she had experienced…and as we talked, I realized this was a person I might at some point develop an interest for. I explained my situation very clearly to this person…who understood completely, and was prepared to remain friends with me in order to stay out of trouble and keep our friendship based in something more than physical attraction (which of course is there…but there is nothing that can be done).
I went home that night elated. I had met someone who had been through the same if not worse…I had met a person who thought of me as a kind and generous person, with tremendous talent. Her English isn’t as perfect as it could be (grammar)…but her UNDERSTANDING of me as a person was. She agreed to help me with my Chinese…and I agreed to help her with her English. So at this point, she is both a friend and a student. We will probably continue to meet to work on our language exchange…but have deferred romantic engagements until all is settled with my divorce…and until we have both HEALED from the traumatic relationships we were in.
I went to bed…happy…I was letting go…and it felt so good…to have finally hit the pinnacle of the hump that seemed so insurmountable when this all began. I was a bit too excited to sleep so I took a look at some information about trading cryptocurrency and starting my own business based on building educational materials for STEEMIT (a social media platform where bitcoin and altcoin are paid for content)…in order to then trade this cryptocurrency for higher valued bitcoin.
I am fairly excited about this…and am ready to get started as soon as I test my idea or vision before taking the plunge. It seems like a very smart thing to do…while working the hours I have at the chain school as a RESIDUAL income that I can count on. Additionally, these materials could be used by the chain school OR sold…as a B2B service to them. I think I have found a niche…which is EXCELLENT.
However, upon waking…I find that I had two missed phone calls from a number I did not recognize. I then saw there was a text message…it read: “Hi! I just called to contact you about your hearing at the Shilin District Office for a restraining order. I was not able to reach you and will call again around 1130.”
This absolutely wrecked my day. I had just crossed the threshold where life was starting to become easier…only to be sucked back into the murk and mire of my estranged wife’s ire. I have never hit her…I have never threatened her or her family. I have never endangered her or anyone in her family. I yelled at my wife. That is all. I emailed my wife as there was no one to talk to…she abandoned me…I had NO ONE. I am sure many of you already know what took place. But when I called back to talk to the person who called me…she seemed very apologetic. I briefly described the circumstances…and told her that it seemed like there would be no point in going to such a hearing as a foreigner. I told her I felt as if I had been taken advantage of…abused…and now this was adding insult to injury.
I called my employer…who incidentally is a mutual acquaintance…someone who is deeply supportive of MY position. Her relationship with my estranged wife is simply that of a customer. I am her employee and as my wife’s actions affect my performance at work, she is more inclined to believe things as I tell her. I told her what the situation was and I asked for her assistance in finding out what might take place. She did an amazing job.
I also am in communication with her cousins husband. A man, who like me, experienced a tragic end to a relationship like this. He has been there in some form or another throughout this entire ordeal and I am very thankful to have someone who is of the same faith supporting me along the way. He has remained impartial throughout all of this…and has spoken to his wife (my estranged wife’s cousin) about the issue…and she said that there was really not a lot to be concerned about…that it was a formality.
However, some of the language that is in the document that I read is very misleading…with words like deport, deported, disqualification, etc. It would be very tragic if my entire five years in Taiwan resulted in a separation from my Ph.D. program, the loss of friends from the United States, the loss of potential income, the loss of the chance to become a father, separation, divorce…and then deportation or disqualification from getting something I suffered nearly five years to obtain. My APRC.
Can someone shed some light on what I might expect at such a hearing? Is there a lot to be worried about? I am growing very concerned…and quite frankly, as I had already made the decision to proceed on my own path as I have newly acquired friends…and the chance to start my own business, it seems rather silly to ask for an official court document to NOT contact my wife…when in my last communication to my wife…I had stated that I would not be in contact with her.
It just seems like she is out for revenge in whatever form she can exact it.