Winning her back

Life Dating & Relationships
1

Well, she’d been pissing me off for days. And last night in a drunken blitz I fired off some rather nasty SMSs.

She won’t answer the phone and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want to talk to me for a while.

She has a busy life/job, and I’m trying to be patient with her, but snapped last night and sent some rather cunty messages.

From previous experience I know she’ll ignore my calls or just hang up. So I need to see her in person.

How am I going to put in the BIG apologies, show my remorse and try to ‘win’ her back.

I do love her and dont want to lose her.

Go to her house, hang dog look with flowers? Give her space? I’m outta ideas…

2

Time?

In the Simpsons Homer took a series of polaroid pictures to show how unhappy he was…

Ya know, for future reference, getting drunk and sending nasty text messages is not a sign that you really want to be with her…

3

Perhaps getting to understand why she was pissed at you in the first place, that lead you to drinking, then sending off nasty-grams, would be the a start.

No relationship is ever past the point of no return. It just takes a lot of work to repair, depending on how much neglect a relationship has been through.

The key to winning anyone over are sign of change from the behavior that led to the decline in a relationship. Short term fixes, like sex, gifts, are usually not a long term solution.

4

[quote=“ac_dropout”]
No relationship is ever past the point of no return. [/quote]

I disagree. It takes two to tango.

5

[quote=“TomHill”][quote=“ac_dropout”]
No relationship is ever past the point of no return. [/quote]

I disagree. It takes two to tango.[/quote]

you got that damn right! once you’re in it alone, you ain’t in it any more!

6

What a bunch of pessimist. Even a Christmas card is an opportunity to rekindle an old relationship.

It ain’t over till you’re dead. Even then there’s necrophilia… :laughing:

7

Aha, she’s been pissing you off? You better sit down and think how she managed to do that. I have a strong gut feeling that the problem lies there.

[quote=“Baas Babelaas”]She won’t answer the phone and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want to talk to me for a while.

She has a busy life/job, and I’m trying to be patient with her, but snapped last night and sent some rather cunty messages. [/quote]

Is there a fundamental issue at stake somewhere? She has her kid and her job, and you are wanting her more than what she feels she can give?

I am merely guessing ans I don’t know either one IRL.

[quote=“Baas Babelaas”] From previous experience I know she’ll ignore my calls or just hang up. So I need to see her in person.

How am I going to put in the BIG apologies, show my remorse and try to ‘win’ her back.

I do love her and dont want to lose her.

Go to her house, hang dog look with flowers? Give her space? I’m outta ideas… [/quote]

Whoaa, big fella, let’s hold that one for a moment.

You need to apologize for your rudeness, however you should at the same time try to communicate what’s bothering you. Most normal people would not send off anything nasty to their better half unless there were some unresolved issues somewhere, they are equally important for both of you to get a grip on.

How about writing her a letter and in as nice tones as possible tell her what the problem is? You can add a flower if you feel like it, however don’t take everything on your cape, also make her realize that there’s things you are having issues living with, whith both of you need to address.

If you prostrate yourself without making it clear that your unreasonable behavior was caused by something real, you merely postphone the day of reckoning for both of you, and yoiu get caught deeper into destructive behavior patterns.

At the same time you want to give the message her in very nice terms, and make sure that she can answer it at her leisure.

8

Good point. A job and a kid takes a huuuuge chunk of time. It’s hard to make extra time after that. And, for many/most people, there is a huuuuge bond/devotion/feeling of committment to ones child, so that the child is more important than almost anything else. I suspect you’re not the father of hte child. In that case, her child is almost certainly more important to her than you are, and that’s the way it should be. The child has depended on her from birth and she has provided for it; you, on the other hand, are some foreign dude who wants to get into her pants.

Not saying you can’t be an important part of her life. Just saying that you’ve got to recognize that the kid’s probably number 1 for her, that’s only fair, and you need to accept that and recognize you’re after a relationship with a very busy mom AND her child. If you’re not willing to accept that then she’s right to dump you. If you are willing to accept it, maybe you CAN make it work and have a great relationship.

I also agree with Mr. He that the first step is apologizing, sincerely, but the second step is trying to explain to her why you acted as you did and telling her you really want to work it out (both of you) and try to learn to deal with those (mutual) issues, etc.

9

Gotta give it one of these…

Make sure it’s Peter Gabriel on the boombox. Takin’ it back to '89!

10

Who in the world has a tape of Peter Gabriel in this day in age…
I’m not even sure there exist a program that can burn a tape from MP3.

Wouldn’t it be easier to email her an attachment of song to her phone…

11

The 89 shit is still PIMP. Throw it down to the MP3.

12

But is waving a rechargeable MP3 player over one’s head as cool as a 20 D battery boom box?

13

The apology for boorish behavior with drunkenness and SMSs is totally separate from the need (which is real) for both parties to communicate about things which are evidently bothering them.

First, go ahead and do the abject apology thing with flowers etc. etc. so that you have the opportunity – on another day – soon but not now – to discuss the issues.

Think about how you’d feel if the situation were reversed. Your gf does something really stupid to you, and instead of simply apologizing and showing she’s really sorry about having done it, she insists on telling you why you were at least partially the cause of her bad behavior. That may well be the case – but that kind of exploration doesn’t belong in the initial apology.

14

We have to live with each others faults, especially when we are married (I know that Baas is not there yet).

At the same time I would make sure that it was known that there was a connection between my losing it, and certain other common issues.

Starting out with the apology is a good start, however I would not wait very long before I brought up the issues which caused me to blow up. (Note I only blow up when sober)

I have has run-ins with my SO too, and I did apologize, AND told her what the underlying causes were. I then asked her to think them over, and get back to me with a reply once she had made up her mind. It went down quite well, she got to see the whole story, got a sincere apology, and got the chance to see exactly what was wrong.

15

Rule number one = she is always right
Rule number two = see rule number one

She have to believe you believe in her and hold her in high esteem. And you have to at least make it appear shes always right (and be VERY convincing here) .

Dont fight her, love her. She will come around if she FEELS THE LOVE. It has to be genuine and it has to be from the heart. The woman will know. They always do.

She has to believe shes the one for you and that you wont run away or run her into the ground if she gives you HER heart.

And do NOT, repeat do NOT leave her alone for long after a fight. Go after her. If you leave her alone for days, it will be very hard to get her back. Shes waiting to see how hard you will fight to get her back.

The fairy tale doesnt have our hero trottin off to do other stuff while his pissed of maiden cools off.

OH no ,thats not the way it goes. It has our hero being smart and clever and bringing troops to knock down her walls, bringing jesters and gifts of fine perfume and what not.

Nope, leaving her alone for long = bad idea .

And try not to say anymore harsh words. Women remember it FOR LIFE.

16

Ok, the flowers seemed to work - plus a lengthy letter under the windscreen wiper of her car.

She answered last night and said it has nothing to do with me - she’s just totally burnt out now. Can’t deal with anything/anyone etc.

I told her she has as much time as she needs to come right, she can call me anytime. that’s about all I can do.

17

[quote=“Baas Babelaas”]Ok, the flowers seemed to work - plus a lengthy letter under the windscreen wiper of her car.

She answered last night and said it has nothing to do with me - she’s just totally burnt out now. Can’t deal with anything/anyone etc.

I told her she has as much time as she needs to come right, she can call me anytime. that’s about all I can do.[/quote]

Good luck. I think she’s not 100% truthful, when I am burnt out, my partner is the first one I seek out. (After Spelunko, Toasty and a few other guys, that is).

18

Well, if they dont need ya, they probably dont want cha. But who can understand women anyway? Not moi .

19

[quote=“Baas Babelaas”]Ok, the flowers seemed to work - plus a lengthy letter under the windscreen wiper of her car.

She answered last night and said it has nothing to do with me - she’s just totally burnt out now. Can’t deal with anything/anyone etc.

I told her she has as much time as she needs to come right, she can call me anytime. that’s about all I can do.[/quote]

BB, not to be a downer, but I think this may be her way of cooling things off for good. If she wanted to be together, she would find comfort in your company when feeling burnt out. Or maybe the relationship was part of the reason for her feeling burnt out??? If there were problems, she might just feel as if she doesn’t want to deal with them anymore, like it’s not worth the drama with everything else going on in her life. I am only guessing here…

20

[quote=“Indiana”][quote=“Baas Babelaas”]Ok, the flowers seemed to work - plus a lengthy letter under the windscreen wiper of her car.

She answered last night and said it has nothing to do with me - she’s just totally burnt out now. Can’t deal with anything/anyone etc.

I told her she has as much time as she needs to come right, she can call me anytime. that’s about all I can do.[/quote]

BB, not to be a downer, but I think this may be her way of cooling things off for good. If she wanted to be together, she would find comfort in your company when feeling burnt out. Or maybe the relationship was part of the reason for her feeling burnt out??? If there were problems, she might just feel as if she doesn’t want to deal with them anymore, like it’s not worth the drama with everything else going on in her life. I am only guessing here…[/quote]

I’m with Indiana. The woman is a full time mother with a full time job. She does not need a grown man having a fit because she isn’t being what he needs at the moment. Sorry, but that’s what I made of your discription of things. She’s not a girl, she’s a woman. If she needs anything at all, she needs a MAN and a friend. A friend will support and encourage. A man will make it safe to let down her hair for a while, maybe lighten the load a little by taking up some slack when things start to happen all at once. A MAN does not give grief. He can take care of himself. A woman does not need or want another chore. She wants to feel affrimed, respected, cherished, and beautiful. And a woman will break her heart, and her back, and put down everything but her kid to be with the man who can do that for her.