Halfway through my latest stack of asian horror DVDs (and a bottle of gaoliang) I had a thought.
These movies are not scary. Why should I be afraid of women, children or dead people?
I mean, if you asked me to put together a list of the least dangerous people in the world these would be them.
Dead people: Literally the safest kind of people to be around. Even the nicest alive person is infinitely more dangerous than a corpse. Corpses are even less dangerous than asleep people. Not scary!
Women: More dangerous than corpses, but their limited size and upper body strength, as well as their disinclination to violent crime, make them much less dangerous than men. Not scary!
Children: They’re children! They cannot even feed and dress themselves without help. And they are small. Not scary!
I propose that horror films should be about things that are really scary, like alligators and
large, intimidating men with chainsaws.