Just back from a serious would be rip off, intact, wallet and all.
Midnight, walking near the Bund in Shanghai and some tout gets my head with a nearby bar. I pop my head in, next thing I’m in a private room with two birds, “ladies” drinks and a plle of snacks. Bemused, I drink my drink and say I want the bill. Next thing, fat boy aint so slim wanders in and declares that I have to pay for the room, two girls and the snacks. All up,
NT$10,000. I start mixing some serious “fuck you” into my Chinese and fat boy comes the heavy. Realising I have five floors to get out of there, I ease up on the “fuck you” - and isn’t it insane the way Chinese react to the sound of “fuck you”? - and focus on what frightens fat boy. He’s spooked because my Chinese is alright, but I’ve not really played that hand. So fat boy, and he is considerably taller than me, is pushing me, me pushing him, but all the while he is wondering why he’s talking Chinese to me and getting it back in a way he understands. I tell him he doesn’t know who the fuck I am and how he has no idea of what level of hell he has just invited into his boss and his life, but that tomorrow, his mistake will come to light right about the time they bury him and his stupid boss.
The girls put up a fake show of defending me and he gets uppity with them, which just gets me furious. So I’m tossing fat boy around the room wondering how I’m going to get to the first floor, let alone my hotel, and then I hear one of the girls saying “ease up, there’s cops outside” I wrench the door open and there is a foreign dude surrounded by China’s finest. Fat boy freaks, but boldly demands the NT$10.000. So I throw NT$50 (Rmb10) into his face, and to my utter amazement, waltz right out of there unscathed.
I then cross eyes with the foreign dude calling in the cops - obviously caught in this scam and paid, walked, and then called in the carribinerri. While he is sorted, I still have to get home through dark streets. Mercifully I get to the ground unaided and waltz into a cab where I tell my tale, much like here, with much happiness.
Superb! But watch that one, folks!
If I ever see fat boy again, and I will be looking for him, his balls are going on holiday to meet his tonsils!