Worst Date Movies

Like Travis Bickle in Taxi Driver, who took her to a porno theater on the first date.

Birth of a Nation

[quote]A controversial, explicitly racist, but landmark American film masterpiece - these all describe ground-breaking producer/director D. W. Griffith’s The Birth of a Nation (1915). In its explicitly caricaturist presentation of the KKK as heroes and Southern blacks as villains and violent rapists, it appealed to white Americans who subscribed to the mythic, romantic view (similar to Sir Walter Scott historical romances) of the Old Plantation South. Many viewers were thrilled by the love affair between Northern and Southern characters and the climactic rescue scene. The film also thematically explored two great American issues: inter-racial sex and marriage, and the empowerment of blacks. Its climactic finale, the suppression of the black threat to white society by the glorious Ku Klux Klan, helped to assuage some of America’s sexual fears about the rise of defiant, strong (and sexual) black men and the repeal of laws forbidding intermarriage.


On the other hand, this might win you nookie points if you really did pick up a sexy little skinhead at a neo-Nazi rally.

I Spit On Your Grave - [quote]It is a movie so sick, reprehensible and contemptible that I can hardly believe it’s playing in respectable theaters, such as Plitt’s United Artists. But it is. Attending it was one of the most depressing experiences of, my life.

The story of ''I Spit on Your Grave" is told with moronic simplicity. A girl goes for a vacation in the woods. She sunbathes by a river. Two men speed by in a powerboat. They harass her. Later, they tow her boat to a rendezvous with two of their buddies. They strip the girl, beat her and rape her. She escapes into the woods. They find her, beat her, and rape her again. She crawls home. They are already there, beat her some more, and rape her again.

Two weeks later, somewhat recovered the girl lures one of the men out to her house, pretends to seduce him, and hangs him. She lures out another man and castrates him, leaving him to bleed to death in a bathtub. She kills the third man With an axe and disembowels the fourth with an outboard engine. End of movie.

How did the audience react to all of this? Those who were vocal seemed to be eating it up. The middle-aged, white-haired man two seats down from me, for example, talked aloud, After the first rape: “That was a good one!” After the second: “That’ll show her!” After the third: “I’ve seen some good ones, but this is the best.” When the tables turned and the woman started her killing spree, a woman in the back row shouted: “Cut him up, sister!” In several scenes, the other three men tried to force the retarded man to attack the girl. This inspired a lot of laughter and encouragement from the audience.

I wanted to turn to the man next to me and tell him his remarks were disgusting, but I did not. To hold his opinions at his age, he must already have suffered a fundamental loss of decent human feelings. I would have liked to talk with the woman in the back row, the one with the feminist solidarity for the movie’s heroine. I wanted to ask If she’d been appalled by the movie’s hour of rape scenes. As it was, at the film’s end I walked out of the theater quickly, feeling unclean, ashamed and depressed.

  • Roger Ebert

Yup, I think the latter film is the hands down winner of Worst Date Movie of All Time. Nothing like an hour’s worth of non-stop rape and mutilation to get your lover in the mood.

Walking Tall - the original redneck lament from 1973 - with Joe Don Baker.

Gene Evans, as corrupt Sheriff Thurman: “Hey, Buford - How’d ya like a nice plush job as my deputy? No presence required, JUST BRUTE ANIMAL FORCE!”

Sam Peckinpah’s [i]Straw Dogs.[/i] I didn’t get laid for a week after taking my girlfriend to see it.


War of the Roses

Bad Santa… personally I love the film but not sure it’d be a great film to take a date to see, what with the constant swearing and all :laughing:

On a first date I actually took a girl to see Eraser Head and Blue Velvet. I can’t remeber how things went after that so I’m assuming not very well.

In the Company of Men

Can’t imagine your date wanting much to do with you after this one, let alone with any other guy…


Great movie, but way too many questions raised for a date movie.


Not a great 1st date movie for gay couples…

Man, you could take me to see Eraserhead and Blue Velvet anytime!

My worst movie of all time is of a guy who is supposed to not have sex for a month or something, and it goes out on the internet and everybody starts to bet on it. In the ends he gets raped by a women, but everybody thinks it was supposed to be funny. The movie makes me sick. How would people have responded if a girl was actually asleep and a guy got on her and had sex with her against her wishes?
Can’t remember what it is, though. Sucks.
I get annoyed if guys want to take me on a movie date though. WTF? It’s not like you can talk or anything.

I get annoyed if guys want to take me on a movie date though. WTF? It’s not like you can talk or anything.[/quote]

You even have to ask? It’s because he doesn’t want to hear you talk :wink:

Saw George Romero’s Land of the Dead (by myself) recently; I knew better not to go with someone of the female persuasion. Midway through the movie, a young woman got up, clearly disgusted, and left the auditorium with her beau chasing after her. Good flick, btw, if you’re into zombies.


The Big Chill (the ‘please hump my significant other and get her pregnant’ scene) :noway:

I agree. A midnight stroll in the park is much more romantic.

Any Dirty Harry or Charles Bronson flick.

(I don’t think the poster would last long on the forum if I posted any out of the umpteen-dozen variatoins, and images that capture just what would make this the “bad movie for a date” would probably upset a lot of people. Let’s just say this is the most extreme of any of the late seventies Italian cannibal films).

Note worthy runners up: Umberto Lenzi’s MAKE THEM DIE SLOWLY and EATEN ALIVE.

However, horror films and certain other genre films are too easy to target.

How about a nice, foreign film to impress the apple of your eye, show off your self-perceived “worldly” nature and “appreciation” of other cultures, so you peg a nice sounding French film that was written by, directed by and staring a woman. So, after splashing on the expensive cologne and fly threads you have a killer dinner that was both delicious, exquisite, didn’t drain your wallet, impressed your date - AND - it went really well. You know dam nwell you’re on your way.

So, for a nice, quiet capper you take her to:

Which, after having them storm out of the film in disgust, you realize means ‘Rape Me’ in French, was a mediocre DEATH WISH/ I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE wannabe, and was something that Jerry Gross would have picked up and distributed in the 42nd street grindhouses had it been made in the late seventies.

So, defeated, you realize you need to think things out a bit. After the carbon copy dates that wrapped with the SMOKEY & THE BANDIT FILM FEStIVAL proved equally fruitless, you try the foreign film route one more time.

All goes well and you think you have a winner, because ‘Cannes Film festival’ is stamped on the poster, it appears to be focused on the beautiful, elegant, talented Monica Bellucci, and you Vincent Cassell can wow the ladies (and probably some men) - so it’s gotta be a winner.

So, imagine how your date reacts to:

So, after that, you vow to take her to live theater or a concert.

Where you learn that “grand guignol” is not the best of French theatrical drama, but horror-theater, and that GWAR are not a metal love ballad act.


Unless it’s a lesbian date, that is, in which case this might be the perfect date movie.

[quote=“mod lang”]

Unless it’s a lesbian date, that is, in which case this might be the perfect date movie.[/quote]

Uninspired entry.

Besides, it’s about some dumb suburban white women who trapped themselves into societal pidgeon holes then realise they can get out.


Written by a white, suburban housewife, BTW.

Not really a lesbian movie, either.

More a Oprah Winfrey-watching, SUV driving, Soccer mom movie.

Definitely a “get some” movie in the Unite States and a bon-a-fide date flick.

Baise-Moi has been called “Thelma and Louise” on crack. I also think Thelma and Louise could be a date movie, particularly as both Susan Sarandon and Harvey Keitel are really hot. And then there’s the Brad Pitt factor.

Maybe movies are safer, though, not just because the dude doesn’t want to hear me talk, but because the last time I went to the park with a boyfriend I ended up hitting him so hard in the nuts with the see-saw that he dropped to the ground for about 5 minutes. I kid you not. It was that long.

Any movies with mafia or cowboys…blech.
Except for the ones with Jackie Chan and “Young Guns”. Or “Reservoir Dogs” which is at least kinda funny. I’d sit through any Vin Diesel movie 500 times rather than having to watch a Western or a Godfather movie.