This is a fairly entertaining story, but I am looking for real advice.
Approximately one year ago, I met a German woman on the internet. At first, I was totally disinterested. It was her stuck-up writing style in English. However, we kept in touch because I had to make a trip to Hamburg (where she lives and works) Summer 2005.
The minute we laid eyes upon each other in Hamburg, there was a lot of electricity. We were instantly attracted. We had a great couple of days, going to movies, the beach, out to many delicious restaurants. I invited her to visit me in Japan. She said that it had been a lifelong dream for her to visit The Far East and would like to come as soon as her thesis is finished. (She has been a full-time grad student for many years, under heavy pressure). She said that she anticipated being finished her thesis in March 06 and would love to visit some tea farms in Taiwan for starters, then perhaps see some of Japan. I agreed and offered to help pay for part of her ticket. (Her company would be worth it to me.)
Well, I just got a long letter from her. The letter explains her personal philosophy of relationships. Now, it is of course a very good sign that she took so long to write to me, but the content of the letter says that she believes in polyamoury and this in no way ‘diminishes her interest in me’ and she ‘can’t see herself promised to one as a lifelong commitment’. In other words, Forumosans, this European lady is anti-marriage.
However, at the end of the letter, she says that she finds me very attractive and wants to get to know me on a deeper level, etc. etc.
I consider myself to be monogamous and think marriage is good. However, I am by no means socially conservative and think that everyone ends up creating a relationship that is comfortable for them.
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK? SHOULD I DROP THIS HOT POTATO? Particularly for the Europeans out there: is this some crap that a lot of European women spout before they settle down or is she for real…is she seriously going to pursue a policy of polyamoury her whole life?
Umm, is she a bisexual too? I mean, that could work, no? 
Ah Germans, they’re so damned serious about everything.
More seriously, I’d say follow the attraction and see where it takes you. You may end up agreeing with her and revelling in the poly thingee or she may decide to ditch holding such a solid postion.
HG
Stick to your core values. They are what will get you thru the thick and the thin. It’s what defines you.
Are you willing to drop them for some lovely lady? If so, then go for what you know. But also be careful that you wont enter the relationship, with just a sparkleof hope that she will ‘come around’, under the pretense of something else.
Best of luck 
Might as well go for it, if you’re that attracted to this woman… but beware, as you said yourself, you’re monogamous, she’s polyamorous. that combination usually doesn’t fit well for a long term relationship. how would you feel if she didn’t come home one night, and next time you saw her again, she was like “oh, i just had sex with some guy last night, don’t wory, it didn’t mean anything… and remember, i did warn you that i can’t devote myself to one person”… at least that’s what i understand by the term polyamorous…
Ok. After careful thought, I figure this is her way of telling me that ‘she already has someone special’ and they are weirdo European polygamists with each other…but she is inviting me to have an affair with her.
However, I want to be the primary.
So…I just wrote her this long letter that says I philosophically agree with polyamory and I think it is great, however, it is time that seems to get in the way of really getting to know more than one special person on a deeper level…so let’s see if I can ‘coax’ it out of her: her admission that what she is trying to say is that she already is in a sort of a ‘marriage’ but wants to spice up her boring life with me…but I don’t want to be the hors d-oeurves, I want to be the main entree…if you get my drift.
I really do think that I have interpreted this situation correctly…I will report back when I know more.
There is a reason they gave U.S. paratroopers a kit including a box of heavy duty rubbers, chocolate bars and silk stockings before they jumped into Germany.
The rubbers were for the G.I.'s head, the stockings were for hers and the chocolate bars were for taking the taste bad taste out of everyone’s mouth.
Seriously, polyamourous girls have more fun- but they also have more social diseases.
[quote=“Bubba 2 Guns”]There is a reason they gave U.S. paratroopers a kit including a box of heavy duty rubbers, chocolate bars and silk stockings before they jumped into Germany.
The rubbers were for the G.I.'s head, the stockings were for hers and the chocolate bars were for taking the taste bad taste out of everyone’s mouth.
Seriously, polyamourous girls have more fun- but they also have more social diseases.[/quote]
Bringing a touch of class to even the most rudimentary proceedings, that’s my cousin/brother-in-law/uncle Bubba…
Wait a minute, she ain’t from Stuttgart is she?
[quote=“Kick-Stand”]Ok. After careful thought, I figure this is her way of telling me that ‘she already has someone special’ and they are weirdo European polygamists with each other…but she is inviting me to have an affair with her.
However, I want to be the primary.
So…I just wrote her this long letter that says I philosophically agree with polyamory and I think it is great, however, it is time that seems to get in the way of really getting to know more than one special person on a deeper level…so let’s see if I can ‘coax’ it out of her: her admission that what she is trying to say is that she already is in a sort of a ‘marriage’ but wants to spice up her boring life with me…but I don’t want to be the hors d-oeurves, I want to be the main entree…if you get my drift.
I really do think that I have interpreted this situation correctly…I will report back when I know more.[/quote]
Completely get your drift. COMPLETELY.(not yelling) I agree that if you value yourself enough and the other person then it should be one on one with out all the complications, not to meantion that little wondering about STDS.
Don’t seek approval on this one. If you don’t want to be with someone who isn’t gonna give you want will work with you, then move one. I’m sure she’s nice, and wonderful, but at the end if you have doubts about it don’t do it.
She is originally from Wiesbaden, which is near Mainz. Like Stuttgart, Mainz is a car-manufacturing city (Opal).
Getting an STD is the least of my worries…getting drawn into some weirdo European LOVE TRIANGLE is the worry here!
Some people really DO have too much time on their hands…not Forumosans, of course…I’m atalkin’ bout Europeans. GAWD.
what’s the big deal? Are you gonna move to Germany? Is she gonna move to Asia? Go for it and let the chips fall where they may. JMHO
I think she spells trouble for you. Stay away from her. If she can’t commit to you whom she says she loves, what else will you have to get used to. Rather opt for being treated wth dignity.