Write Your Own Political Speech

You’d be surprised how easy it is. I just spent 5 minutes on this one. Really!

Why I Wear a Hat
by Dr. McCoy

My friends, some people wear a hat and then wonder why. Others don’t wear a hat and wonder why not. I wear a hat and ask why not why. Ask not why you wear a hat, ask why your hat is worn.
I wear my hat to bed every night with the firm conviction that I have it on my head. These are tough times and we have to deal with tough questions my friends, but we will have the freedom to wear hats.
To Mr. Putin I say, “Wear down that hat!”
To Mrs. Merkel I am proud to say, “Ich bin ein Huttragener!”
Right here. Right now. At this time, do I have on my head my hat. This is the hat! Now is the time to wear it! Now is the hat! Now is the hat!

I think you should select little-b bob as your running mate. I’ll vote for you.

Speaking of speeches, why do the presidential candidates constantly refer to the “American people,” the “United States of America”? It’s stating the bleeding obvious, and sounds rather silly to non-American ears. Is it because American identity and politics are usually at the state level? If a Kiwi politician did likewise, we would all snigger.

What would you have them say instead?

I would go for shorter forms.
the American People = people
the United States of America = the/this country, the US, the USA,
Or just drop them. For example, “the next president of the UNITED STATES of AMERICA” could be “the next president.”

How about a campaign leaflet

You’re right, it is silly. Candidates think it makes them sound more important if they talk about the AMERICAN people, etc.

It’s kind of like the (American) football announcers who always say "He’s a great FOOTball player " or “he threw the FOOTball” as though they might be referring to some other ball.

Public speakers around here are often just full of themselves.

[quote=“redandy”]It’s kind of like the (American) football announcers who always say "He’s a great FOOTball player " or “he threw the FOOTball” as though they might be referring to some other ball.[/quote]Well, yeah, otherwise people might think they were referring to a type of ball you mostly pick up with your hands and run with.

Oh, wait, that doesn’t work…

If I were a political candidate and an opponent “accused” me of being a liberal, my speech would begin thusly:

“You bet your ass I’m a liberal.”

What does betting one’s ass involve? :astonished: Sounds a bit weird.

Yes, it’s a pity that a good word like “liberal” has come to have a negative meaning, and is now used as an insult.

What does betting one’s ass involve? :astonished: Sounds a bit weird.

Yes, it’s a pity that a good word like “liberal” has come to have a negative meaning, and is now used as an insult.[/quote]

The labels conservative and liberal have both lost their original connotations.

I would go for shorter forms.
the American People = people
the United States of America = the/this country, the US, the USA,
Or just drop them. For example, “the next president of the UNITED STATES of America” could be “the next president.”[/quote]

Same reason lawyers speak of assigning, transfering, granting and conveying any and all rights, title and interest in, to and of all assets, properties and belongings, tangible and intangible, whether known or unknown, suspected or unsuspected, under any and all legal theories, incuding without limitation torts, contracts, statute, law, regulation, ordinance or other legal mandate, etc., etc. etc.

Because people are impressed with all the big words. :discodance:

And, because so many politicians are also lawyers.

[quote=“Mother Theresa”]Same reason lawyers speak of assigning, transfering, granting and conveying any and all rights, title and interest in, to and of all assets, properties and belongings, tangible and intangible, whether known or unknown, suspected or unsuspected, under any and all legal theories, incuding without limitation torts, contracts, statute, law, regulation, ordinance or other legal mandate, etc., etc. etc.

Because people are impressed with all the big words. :discodance: [/quote]
No big words there, just a big sentence.

Onomatopoeia - now that’s a big word. I’d like to see a politician work that one into their speeches.